This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Tyler Durden's picture

Zimbabwe Raised to AAA+ by S&P, Geithner Celebrates Thru Innocent Mistakes





To celebrate their new credit rating, insane dictator Robert Mugabe releases new 50 billion note, which is roughly equal to one US dollar.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Wait Is Over - Nortel Files for Bankruptcy





Despite our assumption that this would be a Southern New York Case, and in fact was a Delaware filing, the overall parameters turned out right.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Meredith Whitney: Sell Financials (You Were Expecting?)





Diplomacy 101:

Maria Bartiromo: "Should people be shorting Citi at $4.53?"
Meredith Whitney: "I would diversify out of financials here."

There is a glimmer of hope: "I would be buyer of American Express.... at $15"

 
Tyler Durden's picture

GM - The Plane Has Crashed Into The Mountain





Conference call with slides in progress...

DETROIT, Jan. 15 /PRNewswire/ -- General Motors today provided an update on company restructuring efforts included in the viability plan submitted to the federal government last month, and announced more conservative industry volume planning assumptions to ensure the viability plan is successful even in the most challenging of markets.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Kappa Beta Phi Exposed





A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How the Dow Jones used to make me smile.
And I learned my trade and had my chance
The music played I did my dance
And I made seven figures for a while.
I can't remember if I cried
when they pulled the plug on Countrywide...
It sucks that Iceland is out of ice....
Bye, Bye to my piece of the pie...
Now I travel coach whenever I fly...
Maybe this will be the day that I die.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Breaking News: WSJ Reports Citi on Way to Dismantle Itself





Whoa, busy day for breaking news

 
Tyler Durden's picture

And The Hits Keep on Coming





According to TrimTabs, record $148 Billion in Hedge Fund outflows in December.

Deleveraging may have a day or two to go.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Death List Update: Six Flags On Defibrilator Alert





According to sources, the indenture trustee on Six Flags' 12.25% Notes due 2016 has confirmed that a $24.5 million interest payment on the notes was made. This buys the company a whopping two weeks before it has to make its February 1 coupon payment on its 8.875% Notes due February 2010.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

More On The Secretive Frank and Charlie





Good to see we are on to something. In our breaking expose from Wednesday we presumed that there is more than meets the eye with Frank DiPascali and Charlie Wiener, the other, heretofore secretive Lipstick building 17th floorites.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

HeidelbergCement Trying to Avoid The Cement Shoes





HeidelbergCement, the world leader in aggregate production which over the past year has lost over 60% of its equity value, and one of the main holdings of recently deceased Adolf Merckle who got caught shorting Volkswagen (for a brief period of time the wo

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Galloway and Rattner Joining Forces to Make Sure All Well At NYT





In a rather edgy back and forth between Michael Hirschorn of the Atlantic and Catherine Mathis, SVP Corporate Communications at the NYT, each one blames the other for calling the kettle black.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Breaking News: Steve Jobs to take Medical Leave Until End of June





"Team, I am sure all of you saw my letter last week sharing something very personal with the Apple community. Unfortunately, the curiosity over my personal health continues to be a distraction not only for me and my family,but everyone else at Apple as well. In addition, during the past week I have learned that my health-related issues are more complex than I originally thought.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

Market Not Sure Why It Is Rallying But Doing So Anyway





S&P posting a 20 point rally in past hour. Talking heads speculating this is due to expections of more taxpayer money about to come and bail everyone out via TARP 2 any second. This obviously did miracles last time around.

 
Tyler Durden's picture

More On The Secretive Frank and Charlie





Good to see we are on to something. In our breaking expose from Wednesday we presumed that there is more than meets the eye with Frank DiPascali and Charlie Wiener, the other, heretofore secretive Lipstick building 17th floorites.

 
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!