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Spam Saves The Day

Tyler Durden's picture


Spam may or may not be a better investment than gold (tip: it isn't, and only those for whom the only solution to a record debt crisis is more debt can claim otherwise), but some things are certain: it is edible, it is cheap and it can be stored indefinitely. Which just happens to be great news for Spam maker Hormel, as these three qualities are precisely what saved its quarter. Per AP, strong sales of Spam and Jennie-O products helped Hormel Foods' net income rise in its fiscal third quarter. The meat producer's revenue came in just above Wall Street expectations.


Hormel Foods Corp. said Thursday that it earned $111.2 million, or 41 cents per share, for the quarter. That's up 13 percent from $98.5 million, or 36 cents per share, during the same period a year earlier.


The performance met the expectations of analysts surveyed by FactSet.


Revenue for the period ended July 29 increased 5 percent to $2.01 billion from $1.91 billion, led by sales of Spam. This was slightly higher than the $2 billion that Wall Street forecast.


Revenue improved across all segments except refrigerated foods, which posted a slight decline.


The Jennie-O Turkey Store unit, which makes up 18 percent of the company's revenue, reported a 7 percent increase in its sales thanks to better sales of its fresh tray pack products and turkey burgers. Sales for the grocery products division rose 21 percent due to higher Spam sales and its MegaMex Foods joint venture. The segment, which makes up 15 percent of total sales, was also helped by sales of Don Miguel products.


The majority of Hormel's sales, 52 percent, come from the refrigerated foods unit. It reported flat sales for the quarter.

Bottom line: first we learned that the uber-wealthy US consumer is tapped out thanks to BID, which also happens the be a great market barometer, then we learn that the aspirational one is dying courtesy of BIG, and now SPAM proves that with demand for the no-frills edible soaring, Americans are hunkering down to basics. Which, for an economy that is 70% reliant on consumption, is hardly good news. Luckily the market, which has given up even trying to pretend it reacts to the economy, only cares about one thing: what will the Chairsatan do next.


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Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:41 | 2730459 fourchan
fourchan's picture

the sign of the end, parabolic spam sales.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:43 | 2730466 AlphaDawg
AlphaDawg's picture

Spam for the rich, dog food for the poor.

Long Bakers

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:58 | 2730518 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Affordable protien for the masses!

Better yet, it's fairly durable, so it can act as a store of wealth over time while insuring against starvation.

Joe Sixpack may have an alternative to the dollar, after all.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:01 | 2730535 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

how much was due to military buying?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:10 | 2730689 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Friendly reminder:


Soylent Green is set to IPO on October 31st. 


Announcer: Governor Santini is brought to you today by Soylent Red, and Soylent Yellow. And, new, delicious, Soylent Green: The "miracle food" of high energy plankton, gathered from the oceans of the world. Due to its enormous popularity, Soylent Green is in short supply, so remember—Tuesday is Soylent Green day.


Det. Thorn: Hatcher, get to the Exchange. You gotta tell them they're right.
Hatcher: But let's take care of you first.
Det. Thorn: You don't understand. I've got proof. They need proof, I've seen it. I've seen it happening. They've gotta tell people.
Hatcher: Tell them what?
Det. Thorn: The ocean's dying. Plankton's dying. It's people. Soylent Green is made out of people. They're making our food out of people. Next thing, they'll be breeding us like cattle for food. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!
Hatcher: I promise. Tiger. I promise. I'll tell the Exchange.
Det. Thorn: You tell everybody. Listen to me. Hatcher. You've gotta tell 'em! SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! We gotta stop them! Somehow! Listen! Listen to me… PLEASE!!!
Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:41 | 2731247 Juan Wild
Juan Wild's picture

Bloomberg-Apple News Network:
"This editon of the morning exchange report brought to you by Soylent red and Soylent yellow, high energy vegetable concentrates, and new, delicious, Soylent green. The miracle food of high-energy plankton gathered from the oceans of the world."

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 15:03 | 2731331 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture


You have a career on Madison Avenue, my friend.  Big Pharma & Big Finance will be fighting over you. You just need to throw in a reference aimed at moms, such as "I feel great feeding my children Soylent Green because I know it's made from the best stuff on earth," and you're golden.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:44 | 2731630 Dr Benway
Dr Benway's picture

Prepper rally in SPAM, lol

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:02 | 2730539 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

SPAM: We Not Only Save the Day, We Define It.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:19 | 2730622 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Memo to self, spell-check is your freind.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:24 | 2730657 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Eat too much of it and you'll start looking Hawaiian.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:13 | 2730587 Juan Wild
Juan Wild's picture

if this keeps up:
SPAM for the haughty Goldmanites and
Soylent Green for us.
Eventually Rothschild will be eating SPAM while pauper Goldmanites will be killing each other for Soylent Green (which by then will be made of central bank heads,presidents, congressmen and DHS agents and yup, all those assinine talking heads of MSM.)
What happens when the SPAM runs out at the Rothschild mansion? hmmm??

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:45 | 2730470 battle axe
battle axe's picture

Good going economic devastation, you saved Hormel. Now if we can just get that Israeli/Iran war going, then the numbers will really pop. /sarc

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:50 | 2730492's picture

I'll have your Spam. I love it!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:41 | 2730460 youngman
youngman's picture

Its in my SHTF stash......and the have different flavors now.....

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:47 | 2730484 Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

You can't eat it...

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:50 | 2730495 malikai
malikai's picture

Spam fried rice! Something I think every marine who'se ever been stationed at Pearl knows..

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:54 | 2730505 Hype Alert
Hype Alert's picture

You can't beat a fried Spam and egg sandwich with cheese.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:56 | 2730511 SemperFord
SemperFord's picture

Yup, Hawaiians love that stuff

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:16 | 2730601 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

1969 two week summer scout camp in Oahu. We had spam for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yes they love it. I consider it survival food only. I managed to survive that two weeks but it was rough and got rougher after about 3 days of spam.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:35 | 2731618 Whalley World
Whalley World's picture

I was in Oahu in February and they had a large street festival where every food vendor was selling some form of Spam.

I thought it was a joke but when I said so, nobody was laughing, they take their Spam seriously over there

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:01 | 2730816 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

so do your arteries

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:16 | 2730606 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Two words: Spam musubi

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:20 | 2730628 akak
akak's picture

Two words: diarrhea, vomiting

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:28 | 2730678 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Ahh, come on!  I know from previous discussions you've got ties to Hawaii.  Do you really not like Spam musubi?  Pan fried spam in teriyaki sauce with a little extra sauce on the  The only thing better is Portuguese sausage musubi (not as common, but really fucking good).

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:52 | 2730732 akak
akak's picture

LOL, Agent P!

Yes, I could not resist tweaking your Spam funny-bone. 

But in all honesty, I do despise the stuff, and have since my mother forced it on us (very rarely, fortunately) as kids.  I can still remember the salty greasiness, the offensive barnyard filthy-piggish odor, the unnatural texture --- YECH!!

You know, I liked pretty much all the food in Hawaii (even seeking out and cooking breadfruit and taro leaves myself), but I managed to politely avoid eating Spam every time I found myself in the room with it.

And on that note, some Spam haikus ("Spamkus"), just for you:

SPAM--Jews won't touch it.
Muslims proclaim it unclean.
Wisdom of the East.

Eating SPAM is like
Having two tongues in your mouth,
And swallowing one.

I stare, it stares back.
I long to know its feelings.
It demurs. Lunch, then.

"Slow down," she whispered,
now guiding my trembling hands,
"Turn the key slowly."

Perfection uncanned
Like a beautiful redhead
Fresh from her trailer

I have some SPAM wine
A nineteen-ninety vintage
It's still quite lumpy

Tastes like ham, sorta
But clogs up my aorta
Pig rigor morta

Myrrh, frankincense, and
SPAM: the gifts of two wise men
and one complete fool.

My Jewish girlfriend
naked, handcuffed, blindfolded,
doesn't know it's SPAM.

Is leftover SPAM
worth keeping another day?
Only the cat knows.

Waxed my car with SPAM:
the finish gleams, water beads
hungry dogs chase it


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:04 | 2730830 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

"I can still remember the salty greasiness, the offensive barnyard filthy-piggish odor, the unnatural texture --- YECH!!"

yeah, I remember my first visit to DC 

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:59 | 2731066 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Spam Saimin! Yum. Kau Food!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:11 | 2731119 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I remember going to Hawaii Islander games at Aloha stadium as a kid and getting S&S saimin...three strips of spam and a pink & white fishcake on top of the noodles...mmmm, yummy yummy!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:42 | 2731633 Dr Benway
Dr Benway's picture

I got friends from the Phillipines that love the stuff too


I guess it has the key ingredients that make things tasty, its full of fat and salty as all fuck

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:41 | 2730461 malikai
malikai's picture

I'm sorry. What is "The Market", again?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:45 | 2730472 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

Where you go to exchange your PM's for whatever your little heart desires.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:49 | 2730488 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

The "rope a dope" market, Timmy and the boys lean against the ropes and let the bears punch themselves out for most of the session only to come off the ropes with a late flury of combination buy orders. The judges are impressed, until they aren'nt.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:42 | 2730462 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

You can make a case for storing some Spam as part of your preparations, but, I will put more money into gold, silver, and guns & ammo.

WATER production capability appears to be the most important of the TEOTWAWKI preps...

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:44 | 2730468 youngman
youngman's picture

the two week survival mode is what the spam is for..the 2 year survival mode is where the gold and silver will...might keep you alive...guns and attitude will be important too

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:46 | 2730474 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

I know the stock market is now completely decoupled from the real economy, but it's still amazing to watch.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:46 | 2730478 holdbuysell
Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:48 | 2730486 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

Pink Slime....that is all

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:24 | 2730650 akak
akak's picture

And every one of those execrable Jennie-0 (pressed turkey by-products) products is a piece of absolute shit --- worse than Spam by far, in my opinion.  Who even buys or, worse yet, eats any of that crap?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:36 | 2730712 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

my thoughts exactly

calling them a "meat producer" is a bit of a misnomer

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:57 | 2731054 zapdude
zapdude's picture

I used to eat the turkey-loaf in a pan with the brown gravy and liked it as a kid. 

Later I realized there is no turkey meat that naturally comes out looking like a rectangular brick with air bubbles in the center.  The gravy was needed to cover up the frankenmeat mixture you're eating.

I envision a huge vat of gelatinous turkey meat swill (butts, beaks, feet, floor sweepings) being mechanically stirred and then poured into 4x9 aluminum pans... 

Jenni-O Turkey Loaf -- official dinner meal of the Trailer Park!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:57 | 2730491 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

SPAM: A hedonic quality adjuster for the BLS CPI.  SPAM: When you just cannot afford to buy real meat anymore.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:04 | 2730550 malikai
malikai's picture

Which begs the question: What, exactly, *is* spam?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:22 | 2730642 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Lips and assholes. (like DC)

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:37 | 2730717 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

its not an ipad

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:57 | 2730800 akak
akak's picture

But you can't eat it!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:06 | 2730842 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Chinese citizenism roadside in a can.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:34 | 2730935 akak
akak's picture

And they make a dogmeat-derived version for the Chinese market as well: SPOG.


(Which is actually better than the vegetarian version made for the North American market in the early 1980s that was made from pressed wheat germ --- but who wanted to buy SPERM?)

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:00 | 2731522 Likstane
Likstane's picture

SPecial hAM

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:50 | 2730494 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:00 | 2730529 Hype Alert
Hype Alert's picture

If people think Greenspan screwed up, wait until history is finished with Bernanke and the havoc he's created.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:20 | 2730632 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:03 | 2730544 malikai
malikai's picture

Man.. What an ugly mug on that one.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:12 | 2730577 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

now THAT is one cool halloween outfit

        - include the mask

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:25 | 2730662 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

Mr. Greenspam I presume?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:59 | 2730810 Marley
Marley's picture

Haa ha ha!

The Undertaker in an Atlas Shrugged container.

Gotta love it.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:04 | 2730832 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

A fatty meathead on top of a fatty meat product.  Classic.  Like the "cherry" on top of the sundae, ain't it?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:04 | 2731088 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Jesus Christ, that's an ugly picture.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:05 | 2731090 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Never mind the "hands-up"; Shoot him anyway !

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:50 | 2730496 ThunderingTurd
ThunderingTurd's picture

You didn't invent that preserved meat.  Someone else did.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:59 | 2730524's picture

Yes we canned.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:02 | 2730819 akak
akak's picture

Hey, you, get offal my cloud!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:51 | 2730500 Hype Alert
Hype Alert's picture

 Which, for an economy that is 70% reliant on consumption, is hardly good news.


I thought the economy was reliant on QE2.    What do you mean, you can't eat QE?

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:55 | 2730508 mrktwtch2
mrktwtch2's picture

if you slice it thin and fry it for 1 minute on each side and put it on new york style bagel chips (garlic)..its pretty if oyu have the beer munchies..

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:41 | 2730992 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

The key is THIN slices. You gotta crisp up both sides to ameliorate the offensive texture.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:56 | 2730513 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Spam... it's what's for breakfast, and lunch, and dinner

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:58 | 2730519 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

SPAM: the other Gold and Silver.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:29 | 2730687 akak
akak's picture

True fact: there is an office building in Anchorage, Alaska which has the EXACT shape and dimensions of a can of Spam.

The Frontier Building:

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:58 | 2730521 stant
stant's picture

shoulder meat. russian tankers and fighter pilots got it alot as reward,for joining high risk service. nice knowing i have ton of it around.esp right now

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 11:59 | 2730526 fuu
fuu's picture

SPAM singles fit great in a BOB.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:01 | 2730533 London Banker
London Banker's picture

I take credit for starting the whole "Spam is a better investment than gold" theme back on Roubini's blog in 2004 or so.  Roubini picked it up when he derogated the gold bugs, and it's been around ever since.  It may have proved lousy investment advice, but I'm still proud to have made a modest contribution to blog history.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:02 | 2730536 q99x2
q99x2's picture

As US worker's wages approach those of their Chinese competitors rat meat and bird nests will be on the menu. Or perhaps some Rothschild intestines.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:11 | 2730574 Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:15 | 2730600 adr
adr's picture

MMMM Shoulder Pork and Ham

I tried to eat Spam straight from the can once, almost puked. It makes a pretty good hobo cheeseteak if you slice it really thin, fry it up, and put some jalapenos on it.

I lived off fried spam, ramen, and saltines with peanut butter for my last two years in college. I can do it again.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:09 | 2730852 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

I actually have kindly of liked it uncooked since I was little (no, I'm not obese).  It's kind of like swirling an oyster :) 

Salty and a little slimy.  Mmmmmm. 

But, after a few weeks...ugh, it would get old.  But, good survival food. 

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:10 | 2730855 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

I wonder how cooked SPAM works as bait...if needed.  One could use it to catch a different meal, perhaps.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:08 | 2731105 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

There's no perhaps about it, dude. you can catch bottom fish with spam.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:17 | 2730609 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Someone send Bernanke a case of it along with a sack of potatoes.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:20 | 2730620 Sleepless Knight
Sleepless Knight's picture

I grew up having sandwiches made from fried spam on toast with mustard. Also, on Maui you can get spam Musabi - spam silce on a small brick of rice wrapped in seaweed. Both are really good. Spam will be the ultimate food when the SHTF.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:02 | 2730822 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

I'm going to try this and the recipes folks are posting. 

Its important to try out the SHTF meals and modifications beforehand.  In fact - now I'm going to pick up some teriyaki (sp) sauce for supplies.


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:09 | 2731111 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

Absolutely; FBI; From the Big Island. You gotta be tough to live Hawaii. Neither body surfing nor Spam is for Sissies!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:22 | 2730641 morning_glory
morning_glory's picture

Just buy the fucking Spam!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:22 | 2730643 Joshua_D
Joshua_D's picture

The movies ... they are always right

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:26 | 2730669 JR
JR's picture

The devastating drought that has hit American farmers has a direct connection to the sale of Spam.

Higher meat prices are coming, although there may be a temporary price dip at the grocery as farmers liquidate cattle and pigs because of the drought.  Many farmers are selling off their livestock herds because the drought has burned up their pasture land for cattle and cut corn and soybean yields forcing feed prices to rise for cattle, hogs and other livestock. Now, many farmers can't afford to buy feed, marking a new level of fallout from the drought that will affect consumers and possibly the entire U.S. economy.

As one livestock auctioneer said, farmers are selling cattle they probably wouldn't otherwise because right now it's so difficult to feed them.

This, of course,  translates into future higher prices for meat. "It's the fact that they're selling the factory," he explained. "A cow sold this year doesn't produce a calf for next year."

Looks like savvy consumers, hit by economic hard times and trying to get by on less, are buying their Spam now.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:27 | 2730675 forwardho
forwardho's picture

Spare Parts And Meat.  Spent several years living off grid in back country CO, after a few weeks of rice, beans and (hill-meat]. A can of spam was like majical manna. Seems like that type of situation possible in future. PM's great to store weath/value. Spam could be the ultimate barter item. In a land of starving zombies, any (meat)? is worth more than gold

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:29 | 2730683 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

Also try "Treet" - similar to Spam but some like the flavor better.

Hormel also has some nice corned beef in a can too.

Great food, great investment - long term storage that preserves wealth... AND you can eat it!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:52 | 2730776 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

"Treet" has more fillers vs. Spam which is primary meat and nitrates (kidding...maybe).  I almost bought some Treet for the supply stock as the Spam shelf was EMPTY!  But, I decided to wait because even though in an emergency it will fill your belly - I am more partial to "keeping it somewhat real".  Good tip, however.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:29 | 2730684 hannah
hannah's picture

so when they say 'sales went up' they mean they raised prices or they actually sold more product...big dif if you ask me.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:49 | 2730766 msjimmied
msjimmied's picture

Canned chicken and salmon. Add that to the stores. Just thinking of the ingredients of SPAM takes away my appetite, the fat and calorie counts, salt! Oy vey...

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:57 | 2730801 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

Agreed - but it'll keep you alive, if needed.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 12:57 | 2730798 CoolBeans
CoolBeans's picture

Smashed Pieces of Animal Material ("SPAM").

It is also a favorite in the bush for Alaskans.  Anyway, next few times you go grocery shopping - check out other people's carts...can goods are flying off the shelf (at least in our area). I'm seeing more and more people buying canned milk + veggies + canned meats.   I usually grab extra for the "supplies" with each trip and this last time noticed that at two stores the SPAM was gone.  All gone - shelf cleared off.  A canned chicken product was also cleared off the shelf.


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:12 | 2730859 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture

Hunkering down?  Perhaps.


Bunkering Down? Definitely!


I use Spam as insulation in the walls of my hidey-hole.


4 cans thick = R 7.5



Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:27 | 2730923 JamesBond
JamesBond's picture

SPAM is 80% pig piss


Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:39 | 2730983 earnyermoney
earnyermoney's picture

Synthetic Pork And Melomine

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:46 | 2731017 Troncom
Troncom's picture

Spam for starters and a toast sandwich for main course

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:46 | 2731018 Troncom
Troncom's picture

Spam for starters and a toast sandwich for main course

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:46 | 2731020 supermaxedout
supermaxedout's picture

Spam Have tried it once , whaaa!  What is also good are sizzlers, have tried once one bite, whaa.

Once I went to England. I recognized at the breakfat buffet these sizzler type sausages which I had tried once. I warned my compagnion not to eat because its nothing for our European stomachs. But he replied he has no problem, he has a tough stomach and he likes to eat it because it reminds him to small Nurremburg bratwurst. I could not stop him. He ate it, but he felt the whole like he wants to vomit. 

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:50 | 2731036 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

SPAM: Shit Pressed And Molded

I hadn't had it since I was a kid, and so I bought a couple cans to add to my food stash.  I opened a can and fried it up and immediately thought, "What was Mom thinking, feeding us this crap?!"  My dogs liked it, but later when I took them for a walk they both had the Chinese Shitizinism squirts alongside the road.  If you keep this as part of your rations, you better have a gallon of water to drink handy, and a good stockpile of asswipe.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 13:58 | 2731058 akak
akak's picture


My dogs liked it, but later when I took them for a walk they both had the Chinese Shitizinism squirts alongside the road.


However, as you well know, roadsides are the ONLY proper parade ground for Chinese Shitizinism.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:03 | 2731081 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

True, but my dogs usually have more decorum.  They just couldn't manage to get into the woods in time.  They actually looked ashamed.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:08 | 2731106 akak
akak's picture


They actually looked ashamed.

Unlike your typical Chinese Citizenism citizens, whose frequent roadside excretory escapades merely leave them looking bored.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:17 | 2731142 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Excretory eternal nature...

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:21 | 2731157 akak
akak's picture

Made me laugh!

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:14 | 2731134 gina distrusts gov
gina distrusts gov's picture

In the 70's i was on a aircraft carrier and we had a "casualty" basically it took the kitchens of line for a week we were issued C Rats from the Korean war  the protein component was spam in a tin inside the c rat tin eatable but only after a couple days of not eating

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:27 | 2731182 rwe2late
rwe2late's picture

 Another cap to inflation!

The shift from hamburger to spam by the unemployed has no doubt helped revise the CPI downward,

heuristically speaking of course.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 14:58 | 2731306 Overfed
Overfed's picture

To make SPAM edible:

Cut into 1/4" thick slices, and arrange them on a baking tray. Pop into a preheated 350 degree oven, cook 'til almost crisp.

Serve with hashbrowns and eggs over easy. Not bad.

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:07 | 2731536 Likstane
Likstane's picture

Blend a can with some Jimmy Dean sausage patties-add a couple eggs and pour out on a griddle like hotcakes.  Good all day and all the protein you need. 

Thu, 08/23/2012 - 16:17 | 2731554 monad
monad's picture

I dare you to try eating SPAM now. Its 10% salt, 15% water, 75% Ammonium Hydroxide: Pink Slime. Sure if you've got some 20+ y.o. cans that still qualifies as food, but just crack a can in the store & whiff the ammonia. Nasty.

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