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Start Of The Zombie Apocalypse Caught On Tape

Tyler Durden's picture




 

For those who missed it, the weekend's most morbid, and harbingery, story was the official launch of the zombie apocalypse.

Per the Miami Herald:

It was a scene as creepy as a Hannibal Lecter movie.

 

One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life after he was attacked, and his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp Saturday, police said.

 

The horror began about 2 p.m. when a series of gunshots were heard on the ramp, which is along NE 13th Street, just south of The Miami Herald building.

 

According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

 

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

 

Miami police were on the scene, which was just south of The Miami Herald building on Biscayne Boulevard. The naked man who was killed lay face down on the pedestrian walkway just below the newspaper’s two-story parking garage. Police have requested The Herald’s video surveillance tapes.

 

The other man was transported to the hospital with critical injuries, according to police. Their identities were not released.

The CCTV camera caught it all.

And to think people made fun of us when, again just slightly ahead of the curve, we gave readers advice on surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:

Map Of The Dead: How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

On a long enough timeline... the zombies will arise, and exhibit a sudden craving for brain stew. So what is a person who will have survived the great central bank collapse to do? Full interactive map for any specific location in the US can be found at http://www.mapofthedead.com

US Danger Zones...

And for our friends at the New York Fed...

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Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:35 | 2468836 dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

One never laughs at something so serious as the zombie apocalypse Tyler.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | 2468867 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I always thought it was 'Project Blue Beam' that they were going to use... Instead ~ It's going to be the Zombie Apocalypse? Shit! I'm going to have to re-arrange my laugh track...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:52 | 2468895 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

francis_sawyer

Maybe they exchanged Krugmans alien invasion to a Zombie one.

Some fun

http://io9.com/5913491/what-are-the-tax-implications-of-the-zombie-apoca...

What are the tax implications of the zombie apocalypse?

The only certainties in life are death and taxes, but how do you handle the taxes when death doesn't go quite as planned? Law professor Adam Chodorow takes a stab at estate planning for the undead in perhaps the only legal paper to cite both the Internal Revenue Code and Weekend at Bernie's II.

Photo by Daniel Hollister.

Chodorow, a professor at Arizona State University's Sandra Day O'Connor College of Law, authored the paper "Death and Taxes...and Zombies," which will appear in a forthcoming issue of the Iowa Law Review. Chodorow notes that, while the CDC is ready for the zombie apocalypse, the United States Congress has shown no such foresight, leaving us to question whether zombies, vampires, and other members of the undead class will have their estates transferred upon undeath or be able to collect income tax. To rectify that oversight, Chodorow looks, in all earnestness, to existing legal precedent.

After laying out the differences between different zombie types — notably the difference between zombies under the power of others and self-motivating zombies — Chodorow examines the various tax implications of zombification. He goes through the various reasons why a zombie may or may not be considered the same person it was prior to death, noting that a person's transformation into a raving cannibal with no heartbeat might not be enough to consider them legally deceased:

...[I]t seems a stretch to conclude that those who transform seamlessly into zombies should be considered dead. They never lose heart or brain function, though they now function quite differently from before. While it might be tempting to declare them dead, significant line-drawing problems would arise as one tried to distinguish between zombies and those who have suffered some mental or physical breakdown. Put differently, were such zombies to be considered dead because they suffered a personality change, physical disability, or decreased brain function, the door would be open to declaring dead a wide range of people currently considered to be alive.

For instance, someone who suffers a stroke and loses the ability to speak, walks with a shuffle, and undergoes a significant personality change is clearly alive under any existing state standard. Similarly, someone with Alzheimer's or in a vegetative state, whose brain stem alone survives, is considered alive. It would be inconsistent to classify those people as alive, while at the same time classifying those infected by a zombie virus as dead. One difference may be that those afflicted by strokes would likely not develop an overpowering hunger for brains. However, developing a taste for brains cannot be the determinant of whether someone is dead or considered a zombie. The members of numerous aboriginal tribes and Hannibal Lecter practiced cannibalism and would not qualify as either dead or zombies.

He also notes that some people might specifically try to become a zombie — or avoid becoming a zombie — for estate planning purposes:

If people who become zombies are considered dead for federal estate and income tax purposes, little will have changed. Becoming a zombie will be no different than dying from pneumonia, aside from the part where you eat your friends and loved ones. However, other outcomes are possible. For instance, if someone who becomes a zombie is considered not dead (as opposed to undead) for estate and income tax purposes, neither the estate tax nor the basis reset would be triggered. We would be in a situation similar to the one Congress negotiated as part of the Bush tax cuts, which relaxed the basis reset rules in conjunction with eliminating the estate tax. This could turn out well for those intending to hold on to their property for a long time. Alternately, both the estate tax and basis reset could kick in only when a person's zombie was dispatched. Were this the rule, people might have incentives to become zombies to delay the application of the estate tax.

However, these are not the only two options. Until now, the estate tax and income tax have been construed consistently with regard to who is a decedent. This need not be the case. In other words, it is possible that the transition from alive to undead could trigger the estate tax but not the basis reset. Were this to happen, taxpayers who become zombies would be hit twice, and years of tax planning could go out the window. Alternately, becoming a zombie could be deemed not to trigger the estate tax but to allow basis reset. Under this scenario, the government would forego two opportunities to raise revenue, significantly increasing whatever the then current deficit would be, especially if the outbreak were severe.

He also tackles other tricky aspects of zombification: whether a person is still considered married if their spouse has become undead, the administrative problems of resurrecting dead social security numbers, and the difficulty many zombies would likely have in filling out income tax forms.

Chodorow then moves on the questions of other undead creatures, namely vampires and ghosts. He notes that vampires would be more likely to be considered non-deceased than zombies would, given that vampires retain their faculties and reproduce, both of which are strong indicators of life. Perhaps the most interesting part of the vampiric tax questions, though, is the implications of the Defense of Marriage Act on marital inheritance. If a vampire is considered non-deceased for the purposes of her estate — which is to say, she retains ownership of her property in undeath — but is no longer considered a "woman" under DOMA, then her marriage might be considered void when she becomes a vampire. If she was then granted the "True Death" (to borrow a phrase from True Blood), her former husband wouldn't inherit her property as a spouse, and wouldn't be able to take advantage of the estate and gift tax marital deduction.

Incidentally, some of these questions may not be entirely fanciful if certain bodily preservation and revival technologies pan out. When I mentioned this paper to an estate planning acquaintance of mine, she told me that she once had a client who was a member of a cryogenics society, and she had to explain to him that she couldn't guarantee that the law would recognize the person revived through cryogenic procedures as the same person who had died. If we managed to reach a point where we could preserve and then revive a dead body, analyses like Chodorow's, silly as it may seem, would be relevant to discussions about marriage, property, inheritance, and legal identity.

"Death and Taxes...and Zombies" is available for free and deserves a read-through, if only for footnotes like this one:

Count Chocula has clearly made a killing on his cereal, and rumor has it that even the Count Who Counts is loaded. While harnessed to the greater good of teaching children to count, it turns out that the Count's OCD-like fascination with numbers turns out to be typical of vampires. See BARBER, supra note 76, at 49 (describing a tradition where people placed bags of grain near a suspected vampire's grave on the theory that the vampire would be compelled to count all the grains, thus occupying the vampire through the night and precluding other, less socially beneficial activities). Batman is also well off, owning a mansion, the bat cave, and all the great toys at his disposal. However, all evidence suggests that he is not a vampire, just some guy who likes to dress up in tights and pretend to be bat-like.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | 2468915 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Well ~ There's only a month to go before the London Olympics...

Maybe they're getting scared and need a PLAN B in case the alien invasion ends up looking like the animation on the intro to "Land of the Lost"...

Perhaps zombies will infiltrate 'the tube' & London underground... Or maybe they'll just package up all the last three in one and say that the H1N1 virus has infected people around the globe, turning them into zombies, & the space aliens are responsible...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:01 | 2468932 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

francis_sawyer

"Perhaps zombies will infiltrate 'the tube' & London underground"

I've seen that movie and they were CHUD's.

Every undergraound film monster is a CHUD.

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:38 | 2469033 Manthong
Manthong's picture

You know when you’re just on the ground there, shaking off that last bottle of MD and some naked guy strung way out on bad drugs jumps on you and starts chewing your face off?

I hate when that happens.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:01 | 2469091 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

It's ok, don't panic, the central bank will save us...

again...

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:09 | 2469114 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

What can I say?

Nice monorail...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:38 | 2469175 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

It's possible this guy lost his ass on Facebook and just wanted to reconnect with a real face or something.  Just kinda coincidental. I don't know.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:58 | 2469249 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

All your face are belong to us!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:04 | 2469267 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Finally, someone gets the grammar right.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:11 | 2469423 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

While there is no audio on that surv cam, I can clearly see the lips of the trooper moving and I managed to descipher his warning to the zombie before he fired his six-shot to the wind  walking japanese bank:

 

SIR, PUT DOWN THE FACE-CHALUPA.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:40 | 2469519 Matt
Matt's picture

Other videos of this incident show that CSI Miami is on the scene, so we should get a report on Tuesday, because their labs are super fast.

"It looks like we got ourselves ... (removes sunglasses) a faceoff." YEEEEAAAAHHHH!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 14:22 | 2469782 BeansBulletsBandaids
BeansBulletsBandaids's picture

pure awesomeness.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 21:55 | 2470580 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Authorities are now blaming the attack on a bad LSD trip.   Perhaps when the financial collapse comes we can use the same excuse?  "The Keynesian Kool Aid was spiked with bad LSD."

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 01:26 | 2470850 BailoutBandit
BailoutBandit's picture

They won't be able to pin this one on lsd.  Pretty sure they're still running the tox scan but mephedrone has been mentioned.  Read all about it, it's manufactured in China, like every other good thing...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mephedrone

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:00 | 2469571 thiscreepingmalaise
thiscreepingmalaise's picture

You mean Grammer. duh!   LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Besides, what did this guy's grey haired old grammer do to you?   LMFAOA!!!!!!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:58 | 2470201 PrinceDraxx
PrinceDraxx's picture

You need to use spell check, sir.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 23:46 | 2470749 Matt
Matt's picture

The second part of the post clearly indicates he is talking about a grey haired Grammer, not Grammar, so the spelling is correct when referring to an ancestor. 

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:39 | 2470820 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

Well damnit, it shouldn't happen! But it does, and all too often in my opinion. If anything should be taboo it is face-munching but our 'politically correct' society tolerates almost anything nowadays. Don't know what this world is coming to...

Yea, but admit it. Faces are tasty.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:56 | 2469241 UGrev
UGrev's picture

HAHAH! I remember that movie.. I saw it when I was about 10. Everytime I hear someone mention it, I have to laugh as it was one those horror flicks that was forogtton as fast as it came. Great flick.. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:57 | 2469366 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

It's also possible this guy got ahold of some really strong grass and experienced cannabisalism.   They also say he was like a rabid dog and really sativating.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:13 | 2469431 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

He could also be a real life spiderman.

 

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:18 | 2470797 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Prolly the "Kony 2012" guy.

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:25 | 2470809 Bringin It
Bringin It's picture

Please don't say that.  People will believe you.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:59 | 2468927 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

PCP results in this sort of behavior.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:29 | 2469014 Matt
Matt's picture

The police theorize Cocaine Psychosis. There is a new type of zombie no one made a movie of: naked crackhead zombies.

Then I thought, who would benefit from this? Everyone knows that any $20 bill in circulation long enough has trace amounts of cocaine on it. If a contaminated batch of crack cocaine causes a couple 'zombie' -like attacks, and then the news mentions again and again how paper money has the cocaine on it, people will get scared of paper money, and thus prevent bank runs by keeping cash in the bank and using debit/credit cards.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:37 | 2469030 CPL
CPL's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToQ8PWYnu04

 

For those that are paranoid about leaving a trace from watching the video, use a video caching/proxy.  Dozens of good ones kicking around that will allow you to download the video without leaving a "fingerprint".

 

Just search youtube proxy in google and turn on Private browsing.  Some services are unavailable from country to country or use one of the thousands of proxy services.

 

NDAA and CISPA is online, so anything you are doing with any of the first tier services are all tracked and logged.

 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:04 | 2469101 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

For a minute there I was sure when I read this that you would follow the 'Everyone knows that any $20 bill in circulation...' bit with

'has a portrait of a crackhead on it'... but nah, you didn't.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:18 | 2469146 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

WALL STREET APOCALYPSE

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:31 | 2469600 putaipan
putaipan's picture

maybe the bacterial "flesh eating disease" that has infected u.s, cocaine supplies has seriously mutated....

http://investmentwatchblog.com/war-on-drugs-flesh-eating-bacteria-in-cocaine/

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 21:49 | 2470566 Matt
Matt's picture

That's messed up, so you have crackheads with rotting faces running around naked, eating other people's faces. Sounds like Zombie Apocalypse to me.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:42 | 2470081 New World Chaos
New World Chaos's picture

Cocaine traces are often used as the excuse to confiscate large amounts of cash from motorists.  Highway robbery.  They even have cash sniffing dogs for this.  Due to some residual fear of the 4th Amendment, they charge the CASH itself with the crime.  Since a wad of cash can't sue in court, you're SOL.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:51 | 2470094 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Cocaine traces are often used as the excuse to confiscate large amounts of cash from motorists.  Highway robbery.  They even have cash sniffing dogs for this.  Due to some residual fear of the 4th Amendment, they charge the CASH itself with the crime.  Since a wad of cash can't sue in court, you're SOL.

Yes, this is why you should use TIDE, and wash you cash before leaving on trips./jk

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:21 | 2470141 Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

Re Batman, it seems that good professor Chodorow is unfamiliar with the full body of work on the Caped Crusader.  To wit: Red_Rain.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | 2468918 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

They did implement Blue Beam, oh wait, that was 'Project Moon Beam' and they're trialing it in Cali. No matter.

Note in the first 10 seconds of the vid how the cop looks over the wall, reacts and steps backward like 'What the f__!' and then draws...I bet you he was not expecting what he saw...

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:20 | 2469153 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

ZOMBIE FINANCIER

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:47 | 2468871 Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture

At least it makes a pleasing diversion from the Zombie Acropolis

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:50 | 2468888 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Blah, blah, blah.

The Zombie season started here

http://articles.businessinsider.com/2012-03-21/home/31218548_1_seizures-...

Mysterious ‘Zombie’ Disease Is Afflicting Thousands Of Ugandan Children

http://www.dailytech.com/Baffling+Illness+Strikes+Africa+Turns+Children+...

Baffling Illness Strikes Africa, Turns Children Into Mindless "Zombies"

http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/53890/strange-disease-africa-turning-ch...

Strange Disease in Africa Turning Children into Pyromaniac Zombies

( The guy in FLA would be more along the lines of a Wendigo,

"Wendigo psychosis is the name conventionally given to a culture-bound disorder which involved an intense craving for human flesh and the fear that the sufferer would turn into a cannibal. This once occurred frequently among Algonquian Native cultures, but has declined due to the Native American urbanization.[3]"

but Zombies are the monster dujour. Spend the day tyracking down and watching Ravenous for an excellent star studded Wendigo tale)

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:51 | 2469066 blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Ravenous is an allegory for the control of Hollywood by gay men, the Wendigo has nothing to do with it.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:51 | 2469228 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

Miasma, FL.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:37 | 2470070 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

There is a new drug called 'Devil's Breath' that apparently can be blown into your face causing complete memory loss and eliminates free will.  As if there isn't enough to worry about already...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2143584/Scopolamine-Powerful-drug-growing-forests-Colombia-ELIMINATES-free-will.html 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:51 | 2468893 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Cook! Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer!?!


(at the Fed this becomes Bernanke calling: Coke! Coke! Where's my she-male fluffer!?!)

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:03 | 2469099 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Let's not forget that we have already had for quite some time zombie banks whch have continued to eat the faces of governments and by extenion the people. Voodoo economics has many side effects.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:25 | 2469306 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

If people start chewing on Barney Fwank, there is enough fat on him to Feed 5000 Americans for a year!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 20:49 | 2470482 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

I remember this, it got me thinking of the zombie scenario.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:39 | 2468840 midtowng
midtowng's picture

OK. That's just weird.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | 2468868 Death and Gravity
Death and Gravity's picture

April the 1st?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:52 | 2468897 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

How convienent that the body was lying down only half visible from the cameras...

This reminds me of conveniently finding a single passport (identifying a hijacker) which survived the fireball of a jet flying into a building & the pulverization of unpteen million tons of concrete as it pancaked to the ground...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:17 | 2468976 mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

Ha! I noticed that too! And, why did the CCTV camera pan and then zoom in? Someone told it to? Or maybe the camera was a zombie camera?

On another note, "harbingery" is the new cool word, replacing "rehypothecation", as in "Spanish bond yield spike is harbingery for a total economic meltdown."

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