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Start Of The Zombie Apocalypse Caught On Tape

Tyler Durden's picture





 

For those who missed it, the weekend's most morbid, and harbingery, story was the official launch of the zombie apocalypse.

Per the Miami Herald:

It was a scene as creepy as a Hannibal Lecter movie.

 

One man was shot to death by Miami police, and another man is fighting for his life after he was attacked, and his face allegedly half eaten, by a naked man on the MacArthur Causeway off ramp Saturday, police said.

 

The horror began about 2 p.m. when a series of gunshots were heard on the ramp, which is along NE 13th Street, just south of The Miami Herald building.

 

According to police sources, a road ranger saw a naked man chewing on another man’s face and shouted on his loud speaker for him to back away.Meanwhile, a woman also saw the incident and flagged down a police officer who was in the area.

 

The officer, who has not been identified, approached and, seeing what was happening, also ordered the naked man to back away. When he continued the assault, the officer shot him, police sources said. The attacker failed to stop after being shot, forcing the officer to continue firing. Witnesses said they heard at least a half dozen shots.

 

Miami police were on the scene, which was just south of The Miami Herald building on Biscayne Boulevard. The naked man who was killed lay face down on the pedestrian walkway just below the newspaper’s two-story parking garage. Police have requested The Herald’s video surveillance tapes.

 

The other man was transported to the hospital with critical injuries, according to police. Their identities were not released.

The CCTV camera caught it all.

And to think people made fun of us when, again just slightly ahead of the curve, we gave readers advice on surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:

Map Of The Dead: How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

On a long enough timeline... the zombies will arise, and exhibit a sudden craving for brain stew. So what is a person who will have survived the great central bank collapse to do? Full interactive map for any specific location in the US can be found at http://www.mapofthedead.com

US Danger Zones...

And for our friends at the New York Fed...

 


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Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:35 | Link to Comment dannyboy
dannyboy's picture

One never laughs at something so serious as the zombie apocalypse Tyler.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

I always thought it was 'Project Blue Beam' that they were going to use... Instead ~ It's going to be the Zombie Apocalypse? Shit! I'm going to have to re-arrange my laugh track...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:52 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

francis_sawyer

Maybe they exchanged Krugmans alien invasion to a Zombie one.

Some fun

http://io9.com/5913491/what-are-the-tax-implications-of-the-zombie-apoca...

What are the tax implications of the zombie apocalypse?

The only certainties in life are death and taxes, but how do you handle the taxes when death doesn't go quite as planned? Law professor Adam Chodorow takes a stab at estate planning for the undead in perhaps the only legal paper to cite both the Internal Revenue Code and Weekend at Bernie's II.

Photo by Daniel Hollister.

Chodorow, a professor at Arizona State University's Sandra Day O'Connor College of Law, authored the paper "Death and Taxes...and Zombies," which will appear in a forthcoming issue of the Iowa Law Review. Chodorow notes that, while the CDC is ready for the zombie apocalypse, the United States Congress has shown no such foresight, leaving us to question whether zombies, vampires, and other members of the undead class will have their estates transferred upon undeath or be able to collect income tax. To rectify that oversight, Chodorow looks, in all earnestness, to existing legal precedent.

After laying out the differences between different zombie types — notably the difference between zombies under the power of others and self-motivating zombies — Chodorow examines the various tax implications of zombification. He goes through the various reasons why a zombie may or may not be considered the same person it was prior to death, noting that a person's transformation into a raving cannibal with no heartbeat might not be enough to consider them legally deceased:

...[I]t seems a stretch to conclude that those who transform seamlessly into zombies should be considered dead. They never lose heart or brain function, though they now function quite differently from before. While it might be tempting to declare them dead, significant line-drawing problems would arise as one tried to distinguish between zombies and those who have suffered some mental or physical breakdown. Put differently, were such zombies to be considered dead because they suffered a personality change, physical disability, or decreased brain function, the door would be open to declaring dead a wide range of people currently considered to be alive.

For instance, someone who suffers a stroke and loses the ability to speak, walks with a shuffle, and undergoes a significant personality change is clearly alive under any existing state standard. Similarly, someone with Alzheimer's or in a vegetative state, whose brain stem alone survives, is considered alive. It would be inconsistent to classify those people as alive, while at the same time classifying those infected by a zombie virus as dead. One difference may be that those afflicted by strokes would likely not develop an overpowering hunger for brains. However, developing a taste for brains cannot be the determinant of whether someone is dead or considered a zombie. The members of numerous aboriginal tribes and Hannibal Lecter practiced cannibalism and would not qualify as either dead or zombies.

He also notes that some people might specifically try to become a zombie — or avoid becoming a zombie — for estate planning purposes:

If people who become zombies are considered dead for federal estate and income tax purposes, little will have changed. Becoming a zombie will be no different than dying from pneumonia, aside from the part where you eat your friends and loved ones. However, other outcomes are possible. For instance, if someone who becomes a zombie is considered not dead (as opposed to undead) for estate and income tax purposes, neither the estate tax nor the basis reset would be triggered. We would be in a situation similar to the one Congress negotiated as part of the Bush tax cuts, which relaxed the basis reset rules in conjunction with eliminating the estate tax. This could turn out well for those intending to hold on to their property for a long time. Alternately, both the estate tax and basis reset could kick in only when a person's zombie was dispatched. Were this the rule, people might have incentives to become zombies to delay the application of the estate tax.

However, these are not the only two options. Until now, the estate tax and income tax have been construed consistently with regard to who is a decedent. This need not be the case. In other words, it is possible that the transition from alive to undead could trigger the estate tax but not the basis reset. Were this to happen, taxpayers who become zombies would be hit twice, and years of tax planning could go out the window. Alternately, becoming a zombie could be deemed not to trigger the estate tax but to allow basis reset. Under this scenario, the government would forego two opportunities to raise revenue, significantly increasing whatever the then current deficit would be, especially if the outbreak were severe.

He also tackles other tricky aspects of zombification: whether a person is still considered married if their spouse has become undead, the administrative problems of resurrecting dead social security numbers, and the difficulty many zombies would likely have in filling out income tax forms.

Chodorow then moves on the questions of other undead creatures, namely vampires and ghosts. He notes that vampires would be more likely to be considered non-deceased than zombies would, given that vampires retain their faculties and reproduce, both of which are strong indicators of life. Perhaps the most interesting part of the vampiric tax questions, though, is the implications of the Defense of Marriage Act on marital inheritance. If a vampire is considered non-deceased for the purposes of her estate — which is to say, she retains ownership of her property in undeath — but is no longer considered a "woman" under DOMA, then her marriage might be considered void when she becomes a vampire. If she was then granted the "True Death" (to borrow a phrase from True Blood), her former husband wouldn't inherit her property as a spouse, and wouldn't be able to take advantage of the estate and gift tax marital deduction.

Incidentally, some of these questions may not be entirely fanciful if certain bodily preservation and revival technologies pan out. When I mentioned this paper to an estate planning acquaintance of mine, she told me that she once had a client who was a member of a cryogenics society, and she had to explain to him that she couldn't guarantee that the law would recognize the person revived through cryogenic procedures as the same person who had died. If we managed to reach a point where we could preserve and then revive a dead body, analyses like Chodorow's, silly as it may seem, would be relevant to discussions about marriage, property, inheritance, and legal identity.

"Death and Taxes...and Zombies" is available for free and deserves a read-through, if only for footnotes like this one:

Count Chocula has clearly made a killing on his cereal, and rumor has it that even the Count Who Counts is loaded. While harnessed to the greater good of teaching children to count, it turns out that the Count's OCD-like fascination with numbers turns out to be typical of vampires. See BARBER, supra note 76, at 49 (describing a tradition where people placed bags of grain near a suspected vampire's grave on the theory that the vampire would be compelled to count all the grains, thus occupying the vampire through the night and precluding other, less socially beneficial activities). Batman is also well off, owning a mansion, the bat cave, and all the great toys at his disposal. However, all evidence suggests that he is not a vampire, just some guy who likes to dress up in tights and pretend to be bat-like.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Well ~ There's only a month to go before the London Olympics...

Maybe they're getting scared and need a PLAN B in case the alien invasion ends up looking like the animation on the intro to "Land of the Lost"...

Perhaps zombies will infiltrate 'the tube' & London underground... Or maybe they'll just package up all the last three in one and say that the H1N1 virus has infected people around the globe, turning them into zombies, & the space aliens are responsible...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:01 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

francis_sawyer

"Perhaps zombies will infiltrate 'the tube' & London underground"

I've seen that movie and they were CHUD's.

Every undergraound film monster is a CHUD.

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:38 | Link to Comment Manthong
Manthong's picture

You know when you’re just on the ground there, shaking off that last bottle of MD and some naked guy strung way out on bad drugs jumps on you and starts chewing your face off?

I hate when that happens.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:01 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

It's ok, don't panic, the central bank will save us...

again...

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:09 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

What can I say?

Nice monorail...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:38 | Link to Comment The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

It's possible this guy lost his ass on Facebook and just wanted to reconnect with a real face or something.  Just kinda coincidental. I don't know.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:58 | Link to Comment gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

All your face are belong to us!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:04 | Link to Comment SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Finally, someone gets the grammar right.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:11 | Link to Comment Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

While there is no audio on that surv cam, I can clearly see the lips of the trooper moving and I managed to descipher his warning to the zombie before he fired his six-shot to the wind  walking japanese bank:

 

SIR, PUT DOWN THE FACE-CHALUPA.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:40 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

Other videos of this incident show that CSI Miami is on the scene, so we should get a report on Tuesday, because their labs are super fast.

"It looks like we got ourselves ... (removes sunglasses) a faceoff." YEEEEAAAAHHHH!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 14:22 | Link to Comment BeansBulletsBandaids
BeansBulletsBandaids's picture

pure awesomeness.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 21:55 | Link to Comment FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Authorities are now blaming the attack on a bad LSD trip.   Perhaps when the financial collapse comes we can use the same excuse?  "The Keynesian Kool Aid was spiked with bad LSD."

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 01:26 | Link to Comment BailoutBandit
BailoutBandit's picture

They won't be able to pin this one on lsd.  Pretty sure they're still running the tox scan but mephedrone has been mentioned.  Read all about it, it's manufactured in China, like every other good thing...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mephedrone

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:00 | Link to Comment thiscreepingmalaise
thiscreepingmalaise's picture

You mean Grammer. duh!   LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Besides, what did this guy's grey haired old grammer do to you?   LMFAOA!!!!!!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:58 | Link to Comment PrinceDraxx
PrinceDraxx's picture

You need to use spell check, sir.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 23:46 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

The second part of the post clearly indicates he is talking about a grey haired Grammer, not Grammar, so the spelling is correct when referring to an ancestor. 

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:39 | Link to Comment Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

Well damnit, it shouldn't happen! But it does, and all too often in my opinion. If anything should be taboo it is face-munching but our 'politically correct' society tolerates almost anything nowadays. Don't know what this world is coming to...

Yea, but admit it. Faces are tasty.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:56 | Link to Comment UGrev
UGrev's picture

HAHAH! I remember that movie.. I saw it when I was about 10. Everytime I hear someone mention it, I have to laugh as it was one those horror flicks that was forogtton as fast as it came. Great flick.. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:57 | Link to Comment The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

It's also possible this guy got ahold of some really strong grass and experienced cannabisalism.   They also say he was like a rabid dog and really sativating.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 12:13 | Link to Comment Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

He could also be a real life spiderman.

 

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:18 | Link to Comment CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Prolly the "Kony 2012" guy.

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 00:25 | Link to Comment Bringin It
Bringin It's picture

Please don't say that.  People will believe you.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:59 | Link to Comment THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

PCP results in this sort of behavior.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:29 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

The police theorize Cocaine Psychosis. There is a new type of zombie no one made a movie of: naked crackhead zombies.

Then I thought, who would benefit from this? Everyone knows that any $20 bill in circulation long enough has trace amounts of cocaine on it. If a contaminated batch of crack cocaine causes a couple 'zombie' -like attacks, and then the news mentions again and again how paper money has the cocaine on it, people will get scared of paper money, and thus prevent bank runs by keeping cash in the bank and using debit/credit cards.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:37 | Link to Comment CPL
CPL's picture

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToQ8PWYnu04

 

For those that are paranoid about leaving a trace from watching the video, use a video caching/proxy.  Dozens of good ones kicking around that will allow you to download the video without leaving a "fingerprint".

 

Just search youtube proxy in google and turn on Private browsing.  Some services are unavailable from country to country or use one of the thousands of proxy services.

 

NDAA and CISPA is online, so anything you are doing with any of the first tier services are all tracked and logged.

 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:04 | Link to Comment Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

For a minute there I was sure when I read this that you would follow the 'Everyone knows that any $20 bill in circulation...' bit with

'has a portrait of a crackhead on it'... but nah, you didn't.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:18 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

WALL STREET APOCALYPSE

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:31 | Link to Comment putaipan
putaipan's picture

maybe the bacterial "flesh eating disease" that has infected u.s, cocaine supplies has seriously mutated....

http://investmentwatchblog.com/war-on-drugs-flesh-eating-bacteria-in-cocaine/

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 21:49 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

That's messed up, so you have crackheads with rotting faces running around naked, eating other people's faces. Sounds like Zombie Apocalypse to me.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:42 | Link to Comment New World Chaos
New World Chaos's picture

Cocaine traces are often used as the excuse to confiscate large amounts of cash from motorists.  Highway robbery.  They even have cash sniffing dogs for this.  Due to some residual fear of the 4th Amendment, they charge the CASH itself with the crime.  Since a wad of cash can't sue in court, you're SOL.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:51 | Link to Comment DosZap
DosZap's picture

Cocaine traces are often used as the excuse to confiscate large amounts of cash from motorists.  Highway robbery.  They even have cash sniffing dogs for this.  Due to some residual fear of the 4th Amendment, they charge the CASH itself with the crime.  Since a wad of cash can't sue in court, you're SOL.

Yes, this is why you should use TIDE, and wash you cash before leaving on trips./jk

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:21 | Link to Comment Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

Re Batman, it seems that good professor Chodorow is unfamiliar with the full body of work on the Caped Crusader.  To wit: Red_Rain.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

They did implement Blue Beam, oh wait, that was 'Project Moon Beam' and they're trialing it in Cali. No matter.

Note in the first 10 seconds of the vid how the cop looks over the wall, reacts and steps backward like 'What the f__!' and then draws...I bet you he was not expecting what he saw...

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:20 | Link to Comment williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

ZOMBIE FINANCIER

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:47 | Link to Comment Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture

At least it makes a pleasing diversion from the Zombie Acropolis

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:50 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Blah, blah, blah.

The Zombie season started here

http://articles.businessinsider.com/2012-03-21/home/31218548_1_seizures-...

Mysterious ‘Zombie’ Disease Is Afflicting Thousands Of Ugandan Children

http://www.dailytech.com/Baffling+Illness+Strikes+Africa+Turns+Children+...

Baffling Illness Strikes Africa, Turns Children Into Mindless "Zombies"

http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/53890/strange-disease-africa-turning-ch...

Strange Disease in Africa Turning Children into Pyromaniac Zombies

( The guy in FLA would be more along the lines of a Wendigo,

"Wendigo psychosis is the name conventionally given to a culture-bound disorder which involved an intense craving for human flesh and the fear that the sufferer would turn into a cannibal. This once occurred frequently among Algonquian Native cultures, but has declined due to the Native American urbanization.[3]"

but Zombies are the monster dujour. Spend the day tyracking down and watching Ravenous for an excellent star studded Wendigo tale)

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:51 | Link to Comment blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Ravenous is an allegory for the control of Hollywood by gay men, the Wendigo has nothing to do with it.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:51 | Link to Comment The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

 

Miasma, FL.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:37 | Link to Comment NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

There is a new drug called 'Devil's Breath' that apparently can be blown into your face causing complete memory loss and eliminates free will.  As if there isn't enough to worry about already...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2143584/Scopolamine-Powerful-drug-growing-forests-Colombia-ELIMINATES-free-will.html 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:51 | Link to Comment krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Cook! Cook! Where's my hasenpfeffer!?!


(at the Fed this becomes Bernanke calling: Coke! Coke! Where's my she-male fluffer!?!)

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:03 | Link to Comment Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Let's not forget that we have already had for quite some time zombie banks whch have continued to eat the faces of governments and by extenion the people. Voodoo economics has many side effects.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:25 | Link to Comment Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

If people start chewing on Barney Fwank, there is enough fat on him to Feed 5000 Americans for a year!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 20:49 | Link to Comment Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

I remember this, it got me thinking of the zombie scenario.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:39 | Link to Comment midtowng
midtowng's picture

OK. That's just weird.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | Link to Comment Death and Gravity
Death and Gravity's picture

April the 1st?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:52 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

How convienent that the body was lying down only half visible from the cameras...

This reminds me of conveniently finding a single passport (identifying a hijacker) which survived the fireball of a jet flying into a building & the pulverization of unpteen million tons of concrete as it pancaked to the ground...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:17 | Link to Comment mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

Ha! I noticed that too! And, why did the CCTV camera pan and then zoom in? Someone told it to? Or maybe the camera was a zombie camera?

On another note, "harbingery" is the new cool word, replacing "rehypothecation", as in "Spanish bond yield spike is harbingery for a total economic meltdown."

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:33 | Link to Comment francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Hey ~ Let's try a 'zombie' story and see if the cat licks it up...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:05 | Link to Comment tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

South Beach diet?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:49 | Link to Comment DosZap
DosZap's picture

South Beach diet?

No way...........Atkins.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:40 | Link to Comment JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

In her continued defense of prohibition of pot my wife said "I wonder what drugs he's on?"

To which I replied "Not pot I assure you."a  More likely they would have sung kumbia.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:54 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

JPM Hater001

"To which I replied "Not pot I assure you."

When I smoked pot way back in the seventies, I got pretty hungry.

I hear it is much stronger now.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:48 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

Maybe he bought a joint, not knowing it was laced with PCP and cocaine, while also being a Native American familiar with the Wendigo thing.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:41 | Link to Comment writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

I'll tell you what's funny - what sort of pussies do you have as cops in Miami?

 

1 (unarmed) man biting another (unarmed) man - and you needed to shoot one of them?

 

I can take down an unarmed man no trouble - no shooting required.

 

Trigger happy cops is the problem here - I thought the police can only shoot you if you present an immediate danger to them or the public.

 

Haven't Miami ever heard of tasers? - or a truncheon? or even some of the disabling techniques of the Samurai?

 

Idiot trigger happy donought eating fools.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:46 | Link to Comment Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

I wouldn't want to go anywhere near a naked man. Especially one that'll chew your face off with his knob and bollocks flapping about.

 

PS. Never underestimate your enemy.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:44 | Link to Comment PR Guy
PR Guy's picture

 

 

If I came across a naked guy eating another guys face?

I'd have shot him too. None of this walking over and twisting his arm up behind his back and telling him he's under arrest. I'd have just shot the crazy SOB.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:48 | Link to Comment SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Yeah, there aren't many situations where I commend the shoot first, ask questions later attitude, but this is one of them...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:48 | Link to Comment Surly Bear
Surly Bear's picture

Yeah, but then you have to pay for the trial....

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:49 | Link to Comment AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

I thought the police can only shoot you if you present an immediate danger to them or the public.

__________________________________________

The assessment of the situation is totally left to US citizen police officers'subjectivity.

As such, it is not possible to tell that no situation is dangerous as it is a matter of subjectivity.

A simple 3 seconds delay in answering a demand by a US citizen police officer can be deemed to be danger as one could use that 3 seconds to plan an attack on the cop.

Comply immediately with any demand made by a US citizen police officer.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:51 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

In this case, the man was continuing to eat another, living man's face. Stopping him as fast as possible is priority number one.

Not getting yourself injured or infected is also high priority.

The victim is more important than the perpetrator. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 14:06 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

I kinda think this meets the test question.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:31 | Link to Comment Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

When I was studying Japanese in Tokyo, one of my classmates was a Chinese fellow who identified himself as a policeman.  The young man was certifiably retarded, as attested to by his Chinese classmates who vainly struggled all year to help him.  I asked some of them later how such a person became a policeman in China.  They had two words for me:  "Rural jurisdiction" and "Daddy." (Yes that was 3 words) They said such acumen was typical among their policing class - a fact attested to by myself when I actually spent time in the Middle Kingdom.  The federal jackboots (PAP) are another story however...

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 04:45 | Link to Comment Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

Thanks, AnAnon.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:50 | Link to Comment Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

have you ever tried taking down a man on pcp?

dumbass armchair quarterback.

great job officer

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:18 | Link to Comment Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

all of us were not there as things went down, but all of us somehow demand an oppinion to express our disgust over things, we put our imagination into it, in order to tap ourselves on the back because we hope that other people who were not involved look at the situation in a similar way. come on guys loosen up, We are nor here to judge but are beeing believed to do so.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 15:53 | Link to Comment Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Pcp was really big in the 1990s when I worked in trauma. We used to call in this 6'6" 400 lb black orderly to help subdue combative patients. I saw him picked up and thrown against a wall by a person high on PCP! You have no idea how strong these people are who are on it, they think they are superman ( without all the nicer qualities). If this man was on PCP there was no other option but to shoot. That it took 6 rounds to do so clinches it for me. What a sick world this has become.

Miffed:-)

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 23:10 | Link to Comment geekgrrl
geekgrrl's picture

I am always quick to bash on cops when due, but in this case, I completely agree with you. Man eating another man's face = shoot 'til he drops.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:00 | Link to Comment css1971
css1971's picture

Why would the cop put himself in harms way when shooting is effective? What I'm wondering though is why the police don't carry ammo which can put someone down with one shot.

Of course if the victim had been carrying an appropriate weapon he would still have his face.

 

Police can't protect you, at best, all they can do is clean up afterwards.

 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:21 | Link to Comment Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

did the naked face-eating zombie have a gun?

did the Police need to shoot him?

the Police are far too trigger-happy at any incident, i've more fear for them than any criminal gang, nearly every Dept of Govt is out-of-f'ing-control

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:02 | Link to Comment cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Well I can assure you if someone is trying to eat my face, they won't have to wait for the police before I send that crazy SOB to see his maker. Damn, think Ill go load another hundred rounds of 45 long colt.

The only thing I see wrong with the officers actions is that he still has rounds left in the chamber. Good job Blue.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 14:18 | Link to Comment Overfed
Overfed's picture

I'm usually the first to agree that the cops (at nearly every level) in this country are way out of control. But in this case, shooting the guy was the right move. He was eating another man alive. There is nothing more that can be done with someone like that.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 15:38 | Link to Comment SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Good one.

OK, Now let's among us decide how to word policy wherein an obviation of due process may be objectively undertaken by the insecure apparatus and supported by precedent. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:39 | Link to Comment Umh
Umh's picture

To save a life. How's that for a start; assuming the victim was alive.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:37 | Link to Comment Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

And if the guy had had a knife, should the cop have put down his piece and pulled out a blade to make it a "fair fight" in your mind?

The cop's actions in this instance are hardly an example of a department "out-of-f'ing-control."

With so many actual examples of inappropriate force, why hoist yourself on this petard?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:54 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

The first shot may have been non-fatal on purpose, to force the attacker to stop. Once the officer saw that being shot had no impact, he probably emptied his clip into the attacker.

There have been several high profile incidents recently where the police over-reacted and used excessive force. This, in my view, is not one of them. Just put yourself in the position of the guy walking along, minding his own business, when a naked man runs up and starts eating your face.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:13 | Link to Comment lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Having faced several drug-crazed fiends in my time, I can assure you they are very hard to stop.

There is no human mind in charge, simply a human body with feral instincts, huge adrenaline rush and powerful strength all induced by drugs.

They do not feel a taser or OC.

The only thing that will actually put  such a suspect on the ground is a .45 ACP.

Or something bigger.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:00 | Link to Comment DosZap
DosZap's picture

The only thing that will actually put  such a suspect on the ground is a .45 ACP.

Or something bigger.

 

BS, dude, its always 99% shot placement.

One into the brain, no matter the caliber, its lights out,if its capable of skull penetration.

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 11:56 | Link to Comment Havana White
Havana White's picture

"Pepper spray."  Doesn't take long to type that out.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 16:40 | Link to Comment DosZap
DosZap's picture

Police can't protect you, at best, all they can do is clean up afterwards.

Bingo.

Law Enf, PoPo's are reactive, not pro-active most OF the time, as they are responders usually.

SCOTUS has ruled it is NOT  Law Enforcements job, nor their  responsibility to PROTECT citizens.

You are responsible for your own protection 24/7/365.

You, dial 911, and 90%+/- of the time you will DIE.

(in case of an armed attacker/s, or intruder/s.)

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 23:52 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

To Fine and Cleanup?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:31 | Link to Comment tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

Sorry writingsonthewall, (or is that KickAss ?) but your post sucks...

1. someone chewing the face off another person kinda qualifies as being a 'danger to the public' (so he can therefore be shot according to your rules of engagement)

2. Were it one of your family members being eaten, would you be happier with the cops softly trying to cajole him away or would you settle for a couple of bullets to the attackers head

Not a fan of the cops personally, but, well... I think they were justified here.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:54 | Link to Comment DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

This shows a lack of training. Zombieland Rule #2 is "The Double Tap". Don't shoot once and hope it does the job, always double tap.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:07 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

DeadFred

Zombieland had some shitty rules.

Like the running thing.

All that gets you is tired out in a sea of zombies. Run full tilt into a dead with a swarm at your back and you will soon regret the cardio rule.

Zombies are slow, fast walk and use a hammer to the head.

Something that doesn't get stuck.

Relying on head shots wastes ammo,have to be pretty accurate to make every shot count, very hard under pressure. When you are out of ammo will you be beating them to death with the gun, simply making it another hammer.

Save your rounds for the feral humans who want to ass rape you.



Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:59 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

You are refering specifically to "George Romero Zombies". What about nano-virus zombies, Nodding Head pyromaniac zombies, Rage-virus zombies, etc? This whole "zombies are slow" meme is a pretty blanket statement.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:11 | Link to Comment knightowl77
knightowl77's picture

Mozambique Drill....2 to the chest, 1 to the head....practice that over and over and you won't have any problems with Zombies

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:55 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

writingsonthewall

Dude, the real question is were they headshots.


Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:13 | Link to Comment Lebensphilosoph
Lebensphilosoph's picture

Twat. For all your talk, you've clearly never been in an altercation involving a drugged-up madman on a violent rampage, for even suggesting the use of a truncheon or, more ridiculously still, grappling in an attempt to subdue him, never mind a single officer doing it quickly enough to save the life of the person whose face the lunatic was busy chewing off. Although you don't understand what that means either, as you talk of biting as though it were a a two-year old nipping you on your arm.

By the way, the techniques of Ju-Jitsu used by the Samurai were intended to kill, not to disable, an opponent.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:48 | Link to Comment Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

 

Hardly a loss for society if the perpetrator was eating one's FUCKING face.

The cop can hardly be described as "trigger-happy" since the man/undead failed to stop after the first shot, and only did so after the subsequent rest of the half dozen bullets arrived.

Also, per the historically accurate TV show of "Walking Dead" aired by AMC, it clearly states that you need to aim straight for the undead's head in order to render him incapacitated. So if you ever face a zombie eating someone's face in a parking lot, feel free to engage into the philosophical debate of using a katana or krav maga instead of shooting him/it.

Also, is 'doughnut' or colloquially - donut.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:56 | Link to Comment GeezerGeek
GeezerGeek's picture

The 'ugh' sequences have all been extracted from the original 'do***nut'. Use of 'UGH' is now restricted to talking about politicians and TBTF bankers.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 22:45 | Link to Comment logically possible
logically possible's picture

Remember Rodney King, the cops kept beating him, telling him to stay down, drugs do make you ten feet tall and bullet proof, for a few minutes.

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 04:35 | Link to Comment 10mm
10mm's picture

Hey,the hungry fucker needed six shots,you want to taze a face eating crazy.He would of shoved that tazer up your ass and proceed to nawl on your grille.STFU.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:41 | Link to Comment stiler
stiler's picture

better call in Mulder and Scully.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:41 | Link to Comment YuropeanImbecille
YuropeanImbecille's picture

So a coke head ethnic hero attacks and eats another coke head ethnic role model with 12 kids by 11 different women, seriously who gives a fuck about this scum?

 

 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:06 | Link to Comment tmosley
tmosley's picture

The morbid?

Those who have prepared for an impossible scenario set out in what we all thought were fictional movies?

If you'll excuse me, I'll be watching Dawn of the Dead and taking notes.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:43 | Link to Comment lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Turns out PCP and Coke are still BAD.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:47 | Link to Comment Seorse Gorog fr...
Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

But delicious with a hint of cinnamon.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:49 | Link to Comment Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture

And apparently long pig bath chaps.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:58 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

lizzy36

You can still find PCP?

I would have gone with Meth as the catalyst myself.

I hear it's easy to make these days.

And Heisenbergs Blue was fairly common until last year. But may be making a return this year.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | Link to Comment TeMpTeK
TeMpTeK's picture

He must have ran out of ipads...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:20 | Link to Comment wackyquacker
wackyquacker's picture

my money says he went all-in on the zuck's ipo.....

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:45 | Link to Comment SpeakerFTD
SpeakerFTD's picture

Also serves as an apt metaphor about TBTF banks and the middle class.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:47 | Link to Comment Abitdodgie
Abitdodgie's picture

Firstly was it a head shot that killed the man if not we are ok , and also it was in Florida so it says a lot .

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:36 | Link to Comment Bloodgroove
Bloodgroove's picture

As a North Floridian, I resent your implication, sir.  Everyone here knows Miami is a whole nother country.  They don't speak southern there, and they wouldn't know a nice nanner puddin' if'n you told 'em what it was and force-fed 'em. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:48 | Link to Comment my puppy for prez
my puppy for prez's picture

Remember....it's Miami!!!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:58 | Link to Comment Gully Foyle
Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:48 | Link to Comment rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

World War "Z"!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:49 | Link to Comment Paper CRUSHer
Paper CRUSHer's picture

..........there's no way in hell........err i meant,"when there's no room in hell the dead shall walk the earth"

Stage 5: Collapse. Faith in the goodness of humanity is lost. People lose their capacity for "kindness, generosity, consideration, affection, honesty, hospitality, compassion, charity" (Turnbull, The Mountain People). Families disband and compete as individuals for scarce resources. The new motto becomes "May you die today so that I die tomorrow" (Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago). There may even be some cannibalism.

Dimitri Orlov Bitchez!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:26 | Link to Comment mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

"May you die today so that I die tomorrow"...but I WANT to say it in Russian! Not just with a bad Russian accent ( Me you diee todey so dat Ai diee domorrro.") But in real Russian, with clenched teeth...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:50 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

So.... how did it taste?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:12 | Link to Comment cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Like Chicken.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:50 | Link to Comment hornster
hornster's picture

Note to self: takes 6 shots to kill zombie.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:51 | Link to Comment AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Voodoo economics, zombies... Even for something US citizen as their economics, US citizen creativity is such at a loss they have to tap in elsewhere fictions to get theirs.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 13:20 | Link to Comment Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

we are all disgusted when it happens in the real world, but not as much when it happens in the subtle world of finance. Just saying!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:52 | Link to Comment slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture

zombie everywhere, I love this skit because this must be how Germany must feel  http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/248462/attack-of-the-change

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:51 | Link to Comment Debtless
Debtless's picture

Double tap the head. Onto the next crisis. 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:54 | Link to Comment Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

zzzzzzzz

zzzzzzz

zzzzzzz

zzzzombies

zzzzz

zeriosly...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:58 | Link to Comment TrainWreck1
TrainWreck1's picture

The first thing I thought of was Moe in 2005 & Travis in 2009

http://articles.cnn.com/2009-02-17/us/chimp.attack_1_sandra-herold-chimp-travis?_s=PM:US

http://www.esquire.com/features/chimpanzee-attack-0409-3

PCP, or meth or bath salts or whatever destroyed Fang's* higher thinking and he reverted to a more primitive state (attacks to the face are common in primates)

http://www.primarilyprimates.org/primarily_primates/Experts_not_surprised.htm

 

*apologies to Phyllis Diller's better half

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:55 | Link to Comment BluePill
BluePill's picture

I can assure you all that as  long  as USA tolerates INDIAN Immigrants(East Indians-Who are corrupt From Birth) it will face huge crisis

 

INdian immigrants are root cause of all social,economic,political problems along with War spending

 

Indian politicians are eating US tax payers money and are promising security and protection to US troops in Afghanistan

 

Its high time that people must open their eyes and realize that INDIANS are potent danger to entire human race 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | Link to Comment I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

India's Religion- Corruption .

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:28 | Link to Comment mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

I sense facetiousness... it is very sophisticated. Too much so for this site.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:55 | Link to Comment Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

The police skipped a few steps in the escalation of force.  Or should everyone bearing teeth be shot on the spot?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:59 | Link to Comment TrainWreck1
TrainWreck1's picture

Somewhere the TSA rules committee is touching themselves

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:04 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

You are absolutely correct, when someone is eating your face off, I hope the police take a good 5 minutes trying to talk the guy down before shooting him. Maybe wait for backup to arrive, try a taser, etc.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 15:13 | Link to Comment Better_late_tha...
Better_late_than_never's picture

You would rather them shoot the zombie with a taser? You better hope he doesn't have your nose in his mouth at that time. The 50k volts are going to make his jaw slam shut even tighter around your clown nose.

Or maybe hit him with a baton? Sure, a couple of strikes to the leg should stop him from eating your face. haha.

Maybe you would like him to spray you both with pepper spray? Hmm, I dont think that would feel too good on your freshly lacerated nose. The pain of the pepper spray should slow down the zombie though and make him reconsider his face-biting attack. "I'm sorry officer, I was just very hungry, but that pepper spray has caused me to reconsider eating this human. I submit!"

 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 18:06 | Link to Comment Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

"Maybe you would like him to spray you both with pepper spray?"

That's better than getting killed by accident, or even worse, having my balls shot off.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 22:52 | Link to Comment imaginalis
imaginalis's picture

He might even like Cajun face

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 15:58 | Link to Comment Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

He'll have to chew through my Trojan Combat Suit first, faggots!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 23:57 | Link to Comment Matt
Matt's picture

I am not sure as to the efficacy of using a condom as a helmet for protection against zombie attacks; have you done any testing?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 23:23 | Link to Comment 10mm
10mm's picture

What makes you the pro.Got news for you,you know jack shit about escalation of force armchair police advisor.

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 02:45 | Link to Comment Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Ladies and gentlemen: John Pike.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 08:57 | Link to Comment Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

I didn't know that Jason Russell was out of the hospital.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:01 | Link to Comment johnnymustardseed
johnnymustardseed's picture

Randy Newman's song Naked Man

Old lady lost in the city
In the middle of a cold cold night
It was fourteen below and the wind start to blow
There wasn't a boy scout in sight
Pull down the shades cause he's comin'
Turn out the lights cause he's here
Runnin' hard down the street
Through the snow and the sleet
On the coldest night of the year

Beware beware beware of the Naked Man

Old lady head up toward Broad Street
Shufflin' uptown against the wind
She had started to cry-wiped a tear from her eye
And looked back to see where she had been

Old lady stand on the corner
With a purse in her hand
She does not know but in a minute or so
She will be robbed by a naked man

Beware, Beware of the naked man

Old lady lean against a lamppost
Starin' down at the ground on which she stand
She look up and scream
For the lamplight's beam
There stood the famous Naked Man

He say, "They found out about my sister
And kicked me out of the Navy,
They would have strung me up if they could.
I tried to explain that we were both of us lazy
And were doing the best we could."

He faked to the left and he faked to the right
And he snatched the purse fromere hand
"Someone stop me," he cried,
As he faded from sight,
"Won't nobody help a naked man?"
"Won't nobody help a naked man?"

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:02 | Link to Comment Ignorance is bliss
Ignorance is bliss's picture

I like eating kitty, does that make me a zombie?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 11:41 | Link to Comment THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

Are you a kitty?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:05 | Link to Comment BigInJapan
BigInJapan's picture

20 bucks says that was some man-love gone wrong.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:27 | Link to Comment Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Or maybe it was $20 worth of "man-love" gone very very right?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:26 | Link to Comment Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

Note to self: if confronted with a naked, homeless man asking for food money, the correct response is not, "Bite me, asshole!"

 

Seriously though... WTF??

Tue, 05/29/2012 - 20:00 | Link to Comment hornster
hornster's picture

In my many years I have never seen panhandles in suburbia until recently.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:26 | Link to Comment Lebensphilosoph
Lebensphilosoph's picture

Is it just me or do both of them appear to be naked? Maybe some gay cannibal love affair turned sour?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:36 | Link to Comment wackyquacker
wackyquacker's picture

that's just great...now people are going to oppose gay cannibalism. Gay cannibalists unite!....oh what the hell, I'm going back to NAMBLA.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 10:16 | Link to Comment cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Hello my fellow Americans, this is your Totus speaking and let me make it clear I will support Gay Canabalism too for a vote..

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:39 | Link to Comment Bloodgroove
Bloodgroove's picture

Clearly this is a case of U.S. Citizenism gone awry. 

 

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:38 | Link to Comment Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

How long until Hopey is on the airwaves stating that if he had a son, he'd look like that half-eaten SOB?

 

Where's Eric Holder?

 

The Justice Brothers?

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 17:48 | Link to Comment Vlad Tepid
Vlad Tepid's picture

Eric Holder is looking up, abruptly and ferally, from a crumpled form and wiping away a string of sinew from the corner of his lip...

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:39 | Link to Comment Crispy
Crispy's picture

The hardest part about the zombie apocalypse was waiting for it to happen. Now the fun begins!

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:39 | Link to Comment blunderdog
blunderdog's picture

Poor guy.  His foodstamps ran out.

Mon, 05/28/2012 - 09:45 | Link to Comment Hulk
Hulk's picture

God damn Zombies are naked now... I'm a dead man if Sofia Vergara attacks !!!

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