Supremely Ironic Humor Du Jour Brought To You By Bankrupt MF Global

Tyler Durden's picture

Exhibit A (source):


Exhibit B (source):


......Uhhhhh, WTF?

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PicassoInActions's picture

glad i don't have abt money, nothing to lose

sunnydays's picture

The full PDF file of what is says in how they protect their clients is on this link, in fact many of their statements of never commingling money is in it.  What a laugh.  So they outright lied to their clients.  But will there be jail time?  I am not hearing anything on CNBC about anyone being arrested for what they have done.

TruthInSunshine's picture

MF Global is the tip of the iceberg. It just happens to be the most visible portion what is a massive iceberg (so large that it will inevitably sink the global economy) that is the fractional reserve banking-created global fiat Ponzi.

Remember: Wall Street and the banking system (created by central bank fractional reserve banking) now accounts for the greatest percentage of the nominal (and fantasy) global 'wealth,' yet this wealth is a net negative sum in reality, as it is merely the process of creating a series of bubble after bubble, all designed to concentrate wealth in the hands of the insiders.

Conjuring fiat that is sold as money (i.e. 'wealth') from thin air, and then leveraging that same fiat up to multiples of debt exponentionally higher, indebting people and companies in the process, so as to allow for the taking of their real assets and wealth, is the greatest scam ever devised in the history of the world.

The money conjurers and shape-shifters love harvest time, especially after any period of time where people were severly indebted and drunk on notions of selling tulip bulbs/houses/real estate/stocks at nosebleed levels.

Hard1's picture

Errata:   Where it reads MF global is a broker-dealer, it shoul read MF Global WAS a broker dealer

hedgeless_horseman's picture

Why people that understand the phrase "fractional reserve" still give their wealth to others for safekeeping is beyond me.

TruthInSunshine's picture

11-01 15:17: JP Morgan (JPM) seeks a lien on all MF Global holdings assets


Jamie Dimon says:

Obama's my bitch. Step aside, bitchez. I don't care if you're a first secured lien holder. I'm Jamie Dimon.

nmewn's picture

"I don't care if you're a first secured lien holder."

lol...this is a job for Steve Rattner.

Misean's picture

Broke dealer...

Broke back dealer...

I say MF like Samuel L. Jackson does...

vast-dom's picture

Absolutely correct. Derivatives etc = uNreality.

eurusdog's picture

Greek 10 yr Ink Bonds will be sold to print the ballots.

silverserfer's picture

Does it make me an insider if I buy the dips in physical these bastards create? I feel like a small fish picking at the bits of flesh floating in the water after a feeding frenzy of sharks.

TruthInSunshine's picture

Here's how to tell if you're an insider:

Can you -

1)  Create fiat using nothing more than an computer/ledger entry, backed by nothing of inherent value, and certainly nothing of yours, in any way, shape or form, that has legal recognition?

2)  Circulate such fiat via loaning it out, charging interest?

3) Successfully get nations, business entities and individuals to borrow said worthless fiat that you conjured from thin air, and pay you interest, pledging their real, inherently valuable assets in exchange for said worthless fiat (i.e. meaning that you can take their real, inherently valuable assets if you force the conditions that make it impossible for them to repay you the worthless fiat)?

4) Set the rate of interest payable on the loans of fiat that you conjured from thin air, solely at your discretion?

5) Supply more of such fiat, or withdraw fiat, to/from the system, at your discretion, bringing about inflation or deflation?

6) During times of large scale loan defaults, on the repayment of the fiat that you conjured from thin air, backed by nothing of inherent value, seize the most valuable assets that exist on the planet, many of which mankind depends on for its very survival?


If you said yes to numbers 1 through 6 above, you are an insider.

Milestones's picture

Perfecto!!          Milestones

collon88's picture

Well said.  Private central banking is the ultimate cause of much misery and the supreme real world expression of greed and lust for power. I doubt 1 in 1,000 people understand this.  I didn't until a few years ago when I read Ellen Brown's book Web of Debt.  The Fed's charter is up for renewal in 2013.  That will be the time to drive a stake into the heart of the Beast and kill it forever. 

Libertarian777's picture

More like 1 in a million. Ellen brown doesn't get it either. Her solution for central bank fiat currency is fiat us treasury currency. Right now those are synonomous. Federal reserve notes are backed by US treasuries. Allowing the us treasury to issue fiat currency is like replacing stalin with hitler.
The constitution and coinage act limit governments role to 'regulating the value thereof'. And that meant the treasury can define coinage in various weights and purities of gold or silver used, nothing else. 'Regulate value' doesn't mean governent price controls on money or central economic planning from the fed or the treasury

Milestones's picture

Nonsense. Congress MAY NOT delegate the vale thereof as I have pointed out several times. You state "means the treasury can define coinage in various weights and purities of gold or silver used, NOTHING ELSE." First, Congress does not have the authority to DELEGATE that authority; as Congresses authority comes from "We the people" and it is ONLY the PEOPLE who have that authority as SOVEREIGNS TO DELEGATE THAT AUTHORITY TO THE VALUE THEREOF. John Locke agrees with me on the delegation of authority as does the Supreme Court.

Under Marbury V Madison @1803 Congress did not have the authority to pass said bill (The Federal Reserve Act of 1913) but President Wilson did not have the authority to sign it and in fact the law is VOID via the Marbury v Madison decision of 1803 (which is the Supremacy Clause) making the Constitution the supreme law of he land.

The Federal Reserve act is a fraud and has always been a fraud just as the Santa Clara v S.P. Railroad decision of 1886 saying corporations are persons is a fraud and in 1907 The Western Turf Assn. v Greenberg decision blew that argument out of the water.

Have a good evening.          Milestones

Goldtoothchimp09's picture


If all this paper getting sloshed around - that's represents 'revenue' for financial firms - were to no longer be counted toward GDP (which is a meaningless stat anyway) ...


GDP just might fall of a cliff ledge.  And it should.

palmereldritch's picture

They are drug dealing slave traders and their M.O. hasn't changed in 200 years.  They've just extended their product line and market reach.

Ura Bonehead's picture

I am not hearing anything on CNBC about anyone being arrested for what they have done.

Well, there's a good reason for that, Sunny, and that is that no one is being accused of doing anything illegal.  Except around here.  Fortunately, in America, evidence is important.  Sunny, respectfully..... Everyone needs to give it a rest (regarding MF). Having been around a few similar events/investigations, the auditors and investigators haven't had time to find the MF bathrooms much less any missing/misallocated money or scandal (if any).  Missing money or not, the apparent admission of using client money is bad enough.  But while I know witch-hunting is a national pastime around ZH (I have tossed a few folks without due process in the fire myself), give it a rest on calls to build a fire until you see the whites of the regulator's eyes telling you EXACTLY what they have found.  that will take a while.

P.S. Corzine stepped into the CEO's shoes just last year. Perhaps... PERHAPS, any actual fraud (if any) took place b/f John took the position.  BUT CLEARLY....  It was under John's leadership that the firm tried to bolster profits by increasing the number of bets the firm made using its own capita (as with Goldman).

Anyway.... Unless you’ve nothing better to do, why not wait for the auditors and regulators before putting anyone in jail and calling for another ZH witch hunt.

earnyermoney's picture

"Anyway.... Unless you’ve nothing better to do, why not wait for the auditors and regulators before putting anyone in jail and calling for another ZH witch hunt"


Wait for the auditors and regulators? Hilarious. Your survival rate will drop to zero before the auditors and regulators show up to investigate this fraud.

Transformer's picture

I was gonna say, "Auditors and Regulators", why, they're all ex Goldmans Sachs folk.

narapoiddyslexia's picture

Does he mean the guys that audited and regulated Madoff? 

Or the SEC Inspector General scumbags that whitewashed the way the SEC let Madoff get away with it in spite of their possession of enough evidence to put him away years ago?

Auditors and Regulators my ass.

Fish Gone Bad's picture

Anyway.... Unless you’ve nothing better to do, why not wait for the auditors and regulators before putting anyone in jail and calling for another ZH witch hunt.

Now where is the fun in that?  It would be much funner to throw EVERYONE in jail first (to prevent them from leaving or making matters worse), and then sort out the mess.  A little prarie justice as it were.

Ura Bonehead's picture

Your survival rate will drop to zero before the auditors and regulators show up to investigate this fraud.

And yet that's sort of the way it works, isn't it?  Last reported they have already "shown-up" so I'm sure you and ZH will be first to know when/if they find anything.

Worry about the growing net worth of Congress.  Worry about the fact that American's constantly votes for the party that raises the most money.  This story is (so far) just noise.

Moving in...

11b40's picture

Yep, it's noise, alright....KA-BOOM!


Bananamerican's picture

That's some "witch-hunt" ya got there  ya MF'ing bonehead.... NO ONE has yet gone to jail for destroying the financial system.


Bwahaha WAGFDSMB's picture

I think someone might actually go to jail for this one.  Of course that someone will be a mid level scapegoat, but no matter.

The Occupy Wall Street crowd persists, and draws a bit of media coverage.  Might be time for a little 'Feds getting tough on wall street' show.  Could be a big media circus.

Ace Ventura's picture

ROTFLMAO! Yep, just wait on those good ol' auditors and regulators. Just give it some time, and all will be well. HAHAHAHAHA!

Oh man, thanks dude. I needed that laugh.

NotApplicable's picture

Last time I checked, using client money was illegal. There can't be that many people who could do such a thing, so arrest the person(s) who made the transfers, then work your way up the chain-of-command to determine who made the decision. While the real decision maker may be protected by a fall-guy, it's still the place you have to start.

Lednbrass's picture

Say what you like, but the moment it looks like your friend John weighs the same as a duck- into the fire he goes!

undercover brother's picture

no one's getting arrested and everyone will be exonerated.  same story, different long as you've written this month's donation checks to the obama campaign, you can be assured the US AG will lose the file. 

karzai_luver's picture

you meant to say BITCH hunt, right fool.


Under Dear Jon's leadership he tanked the share price and then for shits and grins busted the place!


Yeah, just that is enough to get your ass tossed for sure.


Funny how when the slimeball bitch had a whiff of a non-pimped system he failed just as your post did, clown.


crazyjsmith's picture

Hey Bonehead,

So. you are suggeting that we all take a large collective breath, and hold it...until our fabulous regulators do their job?  Ok, let's go...GULP............

= crickets = death due to suffocation.  

Good suggestion.  Any more bright ideas?  Explain this to me genius, why was it rather easy putting crooks in jail after the S&L crisis?  In the wake of that debacle, special government task forces referred 1,100 cases to prosecutors, resulting in more than 800 bank officials going to jail.  What is our tally so far?  How long should we wait? 

The sucking sound that creeped into clients accounts was most likely a result Corzine's Hubris/Greed/Overconfidence coming out of the recent Europe debt crisis, so I think we can all comfortably say that there is a more than rational chance that this all happened under Mr. Corzine's watch.  If you want to go ahead and hold your breath for "the truth", go right ahead.  Just show us some commitment and don't cheat by sneaking a breath before we so graciously accept the Faithful word of our regulators. 

Meanwhile, until we have actual evidence that we should start trusting our regulators to do the right thing, in the face of HUGE conflicts of interest, I will continue to breath and read ZH for the truth.       

silverserfer's picture

derivitaves: (derr-riv-atevs) diverting your money to other people never to be seen again.

 see also: gullible, banking, fed ponzi.

ResFam's picture

"Unless you’ve nothing better to do, why not wait for the auditors and regulators before putting anyone in jail and calling for another ZH witch hunt."

Yeah, because those auditors and regulators have done such a fantastic job of putting people behind bars for "actual fraud" so far.  As William Black says, they put over 1000 crooks in the pokey after the S&L crisis... Guess how many were put in jail after the most recent banking crisis?... Zero, nada, zilch, zippo, goose egg, null, empty set.

Nah... I think I'll vote for the witch hunt.


silverserfer's picture

I found this video link to their investment guide. I dont know what went wrong?


Prestige World Wide..

world wide..

world wide...

truont's picture

Just's not just MF Global that has pooled the client and prop funds...other "liquidity" providers do it too...

dwdollar's picture

The only difference is MF Global got caught. But that doesn't really mean anything. No one will get convicted. And even if they are, they'll commit suicide and move to the Bahamas.

earleflorida's picture

ain't many trump cards left to hold up the house - tic toc

CompassionateFascist's picture

Therz one, and his name is Trump.

yabyum's picture

Off to Vesco Island for the lot of them.

unununium's picture

What do you mean they got caught?

Just as with Madoff and for that matter the housing bubble, MFG continued until the ponzi simply collapsed.

dwdollar's picture

True. Poor choice of words...

Replace "got caught" with "imploded"

Sequitur's picture

Mmm, let's see how that "guarantee" holds up.

illyia's picture

This is ART!

Where is Warhol?!?

Pool Shark's picture



Don't you mean:

Where is William Banzai?

vegas's picture

Yeah, thanks for the helping me to discover liquidation only trading.

What tools.

Unprepared's picture

Dammit, but I want to place some new orders with them. I heard the guys are the best in the marketplace.

fuu's picture

Hangins too good for 'em. They should be torn into little pieces and buried alive.