Three Charts Your Stockbroker Won't Want You To See

Tyler Durden's picture


While every long-only manager and jobbing stockbroker is hard at work twisting the simple logic of 'but, but Central Banks will print and save the world' into a much more appetizing 'US decoupling, cleanest-shirt, ignore Europe, earnings, profits, money-on-the-sidelines' euphemism, we note that the following three charts from UBS suggest that things are not quite as rosy as one might believe - whether or not Ben speaks monetarily this week. Between consensus growth expectations rolling over, the analyst upgrade/downgrade ratio turning negative once again, and recent changes in US growth remain positively ecstatic relative to global/regional changes; it would appear hope is a powerful (and hallucinatory) drug (as is QE kool-aid).

The progression of consensus earnings growth estimates is rolling over for 2012 and stalling for 2013...

and the upgrade/downgrade ratio is turning back down (less upgrades than downgrades) and changing trend...

and the US remains an extremely optimistic unch over the past 3 months for its earnings growth forecast change relative to considerable drops among most of the world's economies...


So while the hopes and prayers that 'fundamentals are a figment of everyone's imagination and the only thing that matters is central banking largesse' remains, the next time you hear someone trying to spin some fundamental earnings growth basis for buying-and-holding now, slap them gently and tell them to stop deny-deny-deny abnegation and admit they are as addicted as the rest of the market to the elixir of nominal equity strength - the central bank printing button.

Source: UBS

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Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:29 | 2536922 Ahmeexnal
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Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:33 | 2536938 5880
5880's picture

What's a "stockbroker"?

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:36 | 2536946 hedgeless_horseman
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What's a "stockbroker"?

They make money the old fashioned way, they churn it.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:38 | 2536961 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

looks simi bullish!

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 15:31 | 2537120 Precious
Precious's picture

My broker at Lehman says to go 100% long in the country called GEM.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:34 | 2537330 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Obamney will save us, Wall St. stooge or thug doesn't really matter.  Both love Uncle Ben, the lender and printer of last resort.  Print to prosparity!  Zimbabwenomics for everyone.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 17:12 | 2537457 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Q: why are stock brokers called brokers?


A: because they are broke. broker than you to own anything.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:20 | 2537287 Milton Waddams
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In the summer of 1885 William R. Travers, prominent NYC businessman and builder of Saratoga Race Track, was vacationing in Newport,  Rhode Island. 
He pointed out a long line of beautiful yachts tied up in the harbor. When he was informed that they all belonged to Wall Street brokers he simply asked, " 
Where are their clients' yachts?".

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:34 | 2537332 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

After incredulously looking at Mr Travers for a moment, the queried gentleman responded, "Muppets don't like water".

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:57 | 2537396 AlamoJack
AlamoJack's picture

Actually he said "The Muppets are UNDER the WATER"

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 17:13 | 2537463 AldousHuxley
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Executive coach: 'Finance is an amoral world, bordering on the immoral'

A psychologist compares the 'twisted minds' of some executives to those of paedophiles he has tried to treat in the past

"Mid-30s is also when people are just before their mid-life crisis. They have more or less found out who they are, they can sort of see the limit of their potential, and it leads to disenchantment, disillusionment. 'I will not become the next Richard Branson', they realise. "At the same time they see that all good intentions aside, the world is tough place, and you need to be tough to survive and succeed. This is the age when you see people suddenly become serious. They have lost their innocence.


How so many brilliant, arrogant, super-talented young people get abused, sucked dry, burned out and then tossed aside by corporations and banks. In the early days of capitalism it seems the game was to exploit the less gifted; miners, factory workers etc. Today it's about taking advantage of talent. People are used, then discarded. Especially these days with the crisis. Fear rules supreme. You can get fired any moment, five minutes and you're gone.


"For psychologists like me the world of finance is very interesting, if only in purely clinical terms. You're a CEO and you pay yourself £8m. Now, look at the kind of organisation you need to put in place in order to make that amount … It's almost dirty.

"It gets more interesting still when your company has failed on a range of issues, and at the end of the year you still pay yourself those £8m. There's an outcry but you say: 'it's in my contract'. Now, take a step back, how has that £8m become so important to you that you can't even see why you shouldn't get them? Apparently your need for the money is so strong you stop registering the anger you provoke.

"Those CEOs and managing directors at banks with their millions … They deserve our pity, really. They are the victims of their own twisted minds. And it will bring them down. Whether you are a paedophile or pervert or control freak or psychopath; sooner or later a twisted mind will turn on itself.


amoral bordering on the immoral


"It's almost a perversion. The CEOs such as Fred Goodwin and Jamie Dimon and the like. They present themselves as to the outside world as posh and erudite and sophisticated; as supermen. But they are just like you and me, with similar needs and fears. We shouldn't fall for their spiel. .......they are not worth millions

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 23:16 | 2538378 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Muppets cannot swim.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:24 | 2537301 BeetleBailey
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MillionDollarDouchebag loves his broker! He has his on speed dial. Cell block D - Inmate #243-78095 - Shifty La Put.

He churned him some Fartbook - and look! FaceFuck is up today!

MillionLicksofBernanke'sDick is only down $15,000.00 now!

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:36 | 2536949 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Howard Sterns take on the above 3 charts:

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 15:50 | 2537177 flacon
flacon's picture

"I'd make more money playing fucking bingo!" LOL!

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:38 | 2536951 bdc63
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"What's a stockbroker?"

Do a google search on the "Doo Doo Bird" (or alternately, "House Flipping"), and you'll get some idea.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:59 | 2537018 Amish Hacker
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Note also that, according to Dilbert, "prospectus" is a Latin word that means "Close your eyes and open your mouth."

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:24 | 2537300 Tinky
Tinky's picture

Excellent! And along those lines...


Dogbert: Now the first thing you need to understand is that past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Client: OK. So what's your investment strategy?

Dogbert: I'm going to take all your money and buy myself a luxury condo in Cancun.

Client: Has that strategy ever worked before?

Dogbert: Jeez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here!


Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:39 | 2536962 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

A Stockbroker is someone who gets fools to easily part with their money with the use of advanced degree, reporting of profit and loss statements that are fraduulent, and with the backing of the media, corporations, and pure ignorance.  They resemble reptiles in many facets and enjoy raping and pillaging based on lies and theft.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:53 | 2536996 Ms. Erable
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Or, to put it in a simpler form, a stockbroker is someone who gets wealthier while you get broker.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:55 | 2537007 Spastica Rex
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Very thorough definition. +1

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:59 | 2537406 AlamoJack
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Whut?? We don't need no stinkin' degree. HAHAHAHA! We don't even need a gun.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:55 | 2537006 Cupid Stunt
Cupid Stunt's picture

What's global economic growth ?

Oh sorry, CTRL + PRINT.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:07 | 2537217 ebworthen
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5880 Asked:  "What's a 'stockbroker'?"

Stockbrokers use your money to buy high and sell low, their commission is made regardless, and unrelated to the performance of your "portfolio".

BTW - a "portfolio" is a slush fund for stock market gamblers, re-hypothecators, and CORZINES.

Decades of propaganda have led people to believe that stocks have something to do with "saving" and "investing" and that nebulous reality termed "retirement". 

Non-stop commercials of fishing, touring Europe, starting a vineyard, and sitting on the porch versus greeting EBT card holders at WalMart and standing in line at the food bank.

So far the ponzi is functioning perfectly; just keep voting for someone, watching television, and "investing" in the "free markets."  Your stockbroker will thank you.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 16:20 | 2537291 Metalredneck
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Buying stocks made me broker than last year.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 21:25 | 2538038 paddy0761
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"Stockbroker": Sells you stocks that make you broker.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 23:15 | 2538374 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

401K mutual fund Money Manager?

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:54 | 2537005 Silver Bug
Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:34 | 2536926 bdc63
bdc63's picture

What? ... people are actually talking about "earnings growth"? ... Seriously? 

I must be hanging out with the wrong crowd.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:31 | 2536931 fonzannoon
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With all the respect in the world...these charts would be great and useful if the markets corresponded to the economy. It's all backwards now. The ratings agencies will start upgrading based on bailouts awarded and debt ceilings being raised.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:37 | 2536937 bdc63
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that pretty much sums up the entire US economy for the past 5 years ...

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:32 | 2536934 slaughterer
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I think most analyst pundits are fully aware of this earnings slow-down.  That will not keep them from pitching P/E plays (re AAPL) to the public and their clients.  

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:50 | 2536989 adr
adr's picture

Yes because the 90 P/E stocks fell to the high 70s. THEY ARE NOW SCREAMING BUYS!!!!

Because everyone knows a low P/E is now 100. Multinational corporations are getting ready to shed the bonds of planet Earth and go Galactic. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL!!!!!

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 15:42 | 2537144 walküre
walküre's picture

Actually I've come to realize that the higher the P/E, the more manipulated the stock is.

Good solid companies with low P/E get discarded and neglected because they're not gamed.

Investing in stocks is for useful idiots and more and more muppets are seeing the light and packing their bags.

Who wants to be a useful idiot?

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:38 | 2536956 carbonmutant
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I believe this is called consolidation...

If we're going sideways here it might be a good opportunity to sell PUTs

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:42 | 2536970 hedgeless_horseman
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...or CALLs, considering this is Zero Hedge.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:37 | 2536957 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

What do earnings have to do with gaming equities?

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:39 | 2536966 Pairadimes
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Get in there and turn those machines back on! Sell, sell, sell!

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:40 | 2536969 jomama
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why slap them 'gently'?

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:41 | 2536971 unionbroker
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i used to be a stockbroker but now im just broker

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:47 | 2536984 Pladizow
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Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:41 | 2536973 slaughterer
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Nobody wants to sell until the Bernanker has spoken.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:45 | 2536979 kralizec
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I think this is correct...waiting for Obi-Ben Bernanke to influence the weak-minded...proper shearing to follow.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:56 | 2537009 epwpixieq-1
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Bernanker will do, and sell they will (at some point of course).

Is is truly amazing to see how so many are waiting on so few ( well connected ) to say "if the sun will shine tomorrow again". And after this fact, no one should question, do the people waiting believe in God. As for sure they DO.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:42 | 2536975 skepticCarl
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With the emerging markets beginning to rally, I expect the large multi-nationals that dominate the U.S. stock market indicies to continue their rallies as well.  Profits don't have to improve hardly at all; they only have to hold up, which I think that they will, as the non-European world goes about it's daily business of growing and thriving.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:44 | 2536978 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Carl you don't sound like much of a skeptic.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 21:15 | 2538011 Unique Snowflake
Unique Snowflake's picture

He's skeptical of reality.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 14:50 | 2536981 adr
adr's picture

Today is another most hated stock ramp day. Anyone want to take a look at airline rates and think people are going to travel? Doesn't hurt Priceline though. Tickets that were $250 are now $500, Priceline soars.

Fucking Facebook is on a tear. Lulu, CMG, all the greatest hits are at least 2% gainers for no apparent reason other than, "THE ECONOMY SUCKS, MORE STIMULUS"

Apple announces they are going to give their shitty employees at Apple stores a raise and the stock soars. I thought paying employees more is supposed to tank a stock because it means less profit. OH YEAH I FORGOT, everyone will work at an Apple store and buy Apple shit, ECONOMIC PROBLEMS SOLVED!!!!

We will never have a correction because the Fed will just step in and buy stocks, causing all the momo traders to buy so they don't miss an uptick rally. I'm having fun looking at all the parabolic 2 day charts. It's like praising the picture the neighbors retard gives you.


That is the only fundamental left in the market. Not missing a rally. Doesn't matter if it's bullshit. At least oil didn't go to $90 today, doesn't matter because gas is still selling for the same price as it was when oil was $105.

Either the insiders already know QE3 is going to be $2 trillion or they are really, really, stupid. I still don't get why stocks would take off before the money is handed out. Wouldn't you want to profit more off the free cash? Driving stocks up just makes it more expensive to buy more shares with Benny Bux.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 15:01 | 2537022 gjp
gjp's picture

True that.  Friday and today have seen melt-ups on all the mo-mo favourites, on half normal volume.  Is it going to play this way all the way to the grand utterings of Banana Ben?  Sadly, it probably will.

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