Three Charts Your Stockbroker Won't Want You To See

Tyler Durden's picture

While every long-only manager and jobbing stockbroker is hard at work twisting the simple logic of 'but, but Central Banks will print and save the world' into a much more appetizing 'US decoupling, cleanest-shirt, ignore Europe, earnings, profits, money-on-the-sidelines' euphemism, we note that the following three charts from UBS suggest that things are not quite as rosy as one might believe - whether or not Ben speaks monetarily this week. Between consensus growth expectations rolling over, the analyst upgrade/downgrade ratio turning negative once again, and recent changes in US growth remain positively ecstatic relative to global/regional changes; it would appear hope is a powerful (and hallucinatory) drug (as is QE kool-aid).

The progression of consensus earnings growth estimates is rolling over for 2012 and stalling for 2013...

and the upgrade/downgrade ratio is turning back down (less upgrades than downgrades) and changing trend...

and the US remains an extremely optimistic unch over the past 3 months for its earnings growth forecast change relative to considerable drops among most of the world's economies...


So while the hopes and prayers that 'fundamentals are a figment of everyone's imagination and the only thing that matters is central banking largesse' remains, the next time you hear someone trying to spin some fundamental earnings growth basis for buying-and-holding now, slap them gently and tell them to stop deny-deny-deny abnegation and admit they are as addicted as the rest of the market to the elixir of nominal equity strength - the central bank printing button.

Source: UBS

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5880's picture

What's a "stockbroker"?

hedgeless_horseman's picture



What's a "stockbroker"?

They make money the old fashioned way, they churn it.

Precious's picture

My broker at Lehman says to go 100% long in the country called GEM.

FEDbuster's picture

Obamney will save us, Wall St. stooge or thug doesn't really matter.  Both love Uncle Ben, the lender and printer of last resort.  Print to prosparity!  Zimbabwenomics for everyone.

AldousHuxley's picture

Q: why are stock brokers called brokers?


A: because they are broke. broker than you to own anything.

Milton Waddams's picture

In the summer of 1885 William R. Travers, prominent NYC businessman and builder of Saratoga Race Track, was vacationing in Newport,  Rhode Island. 
He pointed out a long line of beautiful yachts tied up in the harbor. When he was informed that they all belonged to Wall Street brokers he simply asked, " 
Where are their clients' yachts?".

Ms. Erable's picture

After incredulously looking at Mr Travers for a moment, the queried gentleman responded, "Muppets don't like water".

AlamoJack's picture

Actually he said "The Muppets are UNDER the WATER"

AldousHuxley's picture

Executive coach: 'Finance is an amoral world, bordering on the immoral'

A psychologist compares the 'twisted minds' of some executives to those of paedophiles he has tried to treat in the past

"Mid-30s is also when people are just before their mid-life crisis. They have more or less found out who they are, they can sort of see the limit of their potential, and it leads to disenchantment, disillusionment. 'I will not become the next Richard Branson', they realise. "At the same time they see that all good intentions aside, the world is tough place, and you need to be tough to survive and succeed. This is the age when you see people suddenly become serious. They have lost their innocence.


How so many brilliant, arrogant, super-talented young people get abused, sucked dry, burned out and then tossed aside by corporations and banks. In the early days of capitalism it seems the game was to exploit the less gifted; miners, factory workers etc. Today it's about taking advantage of talent. People are used, then discarded. Especially these days with the crisis. Fear rules supreme. You can get fired any moment, five minutes and you're gone.


"For psychologists like me the world of finance is very interesting, if only in purely clinical terms. You're a CEO and you pay yourself £8m. Now, look at the kind of organisation you need to put in place in order to make that amount … It's almost dirty.

"It gets more interesting still when your company has failed on a range of issues, and at the end of the year you still pay yourself those £8m. There's an outcry but you say: 'it's in my contract'. Now, take a step back, how has that £8m become so important to you that you can't even see why you shouldn't get them? Apparently your need for the money is so strong you stop registering the anger you provoke.

"Those CEOs and managing directors at banks with their millions … They deserve our pity, really. They are the victims of their own twisted minds. And it will bring them down. Whether you are a paedophile or pervert or control freak or psychopath; sooner or later a twisted mind will turn on itself.


amoral bordering on the immoral


"It's almost a perversion. The CEOs such as Fred Goodwin and Jamie Dimon and the like. They present themselves as to the outside world as posh and erudite and sophisticated; as supermen. But they are just like you and me, with similar needs and fears. We shouldn't fall for their spiel. .......they are not worth millions

BeetleBailey's picture

MillionDollarDouchebag loves his broker! He has his on speed dial. Cell block D - Inmate #243-78095 - Shifty La Put.

He churned him some Fartbook - and look! FaceFuck is up today!

MillionLicksofBernanke'sDick is only down $15,000.00 now!

flacon's picture

"I'd make more money playing fucking bingo!" LOL!

bdc63's picture

"What's a stockbroker?"

Do a google search on the "Doo Doo Bird" (or alternately, "House Flipping"), and you'll get some idea.

Amish Hacker's picture

Note also that, according to Dilbert, "prospectus" is a Latin word that means "Close your eyes and open your mouth."

Tinky's picture

Excellent! And along those lines...


Dogbert: Now the first thing you need to understand is that past performance is no guarantee of future results.

Client: OK. So what's your investment strategy?

Dogbert: I'm going to take all your money and buy myself a luxury condo in Cancun.

Client: Has that strategy ever worked before?

Dogbert: Jeez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here!


Dr. Richard Head's picture

A Stockbroker is someone who gets fools to easily part with their money with the use of advanced degree, reporting of profit and loss statements that are fraduulent, and with the backing of the media, corporations, and pure ignorance.  They resemble reptiles in many facets and enjoy raping and pillaging based on lies and theft.

Ms. Erable's picture

Or, to put it in a simpler form, a stockbroker is someone who gets wealthier while you get broker.

AlamoJack's picture

Whut?? We don't need no stinkin' degree. HAHAHAHA! We don't even need a gun.

Cupid Stunt's picture

What's global economic growth ?

Oh sorry, CTRL + PRINT.

ebworthen's picture

5880 Asked:  "What's a 'stockbroker'?"

Stockbrokers use your money to buy high and sell low, their commission is made regardless, and unrelated to the performance of your "portfolio".

BTW - a "portfolio" is a slush fund for stock market gamblers, re-hypothecators, and CORZINES.

Decades of propaganda have led people to believe that stocks have something to do with "saving" and "investing" and that nebulous reality termed "retirement". 

Non-stop commercials of fishing, touring Europe, starting a vineyard, and sitting on the porch versus greeting EBT card holders at WalMart and standing in line at the food bank.

So far the ponzi is functioning perfectly; just keep voting for someone, watching television, and "investing" in the "free markets."  Your stockbroker will thank you.

Metalredneck's picture

Buying stocks made me broker than last year.

paddy0761's picture

"Stockbroker": Sells you stocks that make you broker.

A Nanny Moose's picture

401K mutual fund Money Manager?

bdc63's picture

What? ... people are actually talking about "earnings growth"? ... Seriously? 

I must be hanging out with the wrong crowd.

fonzannoon's picture

With all the respect in the world...these charts would be great and useful if the markets corresponded to the economy. It's all backwards now. The ratings agencies will start upgrading based on bailouts awarded and debt ceilings being raised.

bdc63's picture

that pretty much sums up the entire US economy for the past 5 years ...

slaughterer's picture

I think most analyst pundits are fully aware of this earnings slow-down.  That will not keep them from pitching P/E plays (re AAPL) to the public and their clients.  

adr's picture

Yes because the 90 P/E stocks fell to the high 70s. THEY ARE NOW SCREAMING BUYS!!!!

Because everyone knows a low P/E is now 100. Multinational corporations are getting ready to shed the bonds of planet Earth and go Galactic. UNLIMITED POTENTIAL!!!!!

walküre's picture

Actually I've come to realize that the higher the P/E, the more manipulated the stock is.

Good solid companies with low P/E get discarded and neglected because they're not gamed.

Investing in stocks is for useful idiots and more and more muppets are seeing the light and packing their bags.

Who wants to be a useful idiot?

carbonmutant's picture

I believe this is called consolidation...

If we're going sideways here it might be a good opportunity to sell PUTs

hedgeless_horseman's picture



...or CALLs, considering this is Zero Hedge.

Boilermaker's picture

What do earnings have to do with gaming equities?

Pairadimes's picture

Get in there and turn those machines back on! Sell, sell, sell!

jomama's picture

why slap them 'gently'?

unionbroker's picture

i used to be a stockbroker but now im just broker

slaughterer's picture

Nobody wants to sell until the Bernanker has spoken.

kralizec's picture

I think this is correct...waiting for Obi-Ben Bernanke to influence the weak-minded...proper shearing to follow.

epwpixieq-1's picture

Bernanker will do, and sell they will (at some point of course).

Is is truly amazing to see how so many are waiting on so few ( well connected ) to say "if the sun will shine tomorrow again". And after this fact, no one should question, do the people waiting believe in God. As for sure they DO.

skepticCarl's picture

With the emerging markets beginning to rally, I expect the large multi-nationals that dominate the U.S. stock market indicies to continue their rallies as well.  Profits don't have to improve hardly at all; they only have to hold up, which I think that they will, as the non-European world goes about it's daily business of growing and thriving.

fonzannoon's picture

Carl you don't sound like much of a skeptic.

adr's picture

Today is another most hated stock ramp day. Anyone want to take a look at airline rates and think people are going to travel? Doesn't hurt Priceline though. Tickets that were $250 are now $500, Priceline soars.

Fucking Facebook is on a tear. Lulu, CMG, all the greatest hits are at least 2% gainers for no apparent reason other than, "THE ECONOMY SUCKS, MORE STIMULUS"

Apple announces they are going to give their shitty employees at Apple stores a raise and the stock soars. I thought paying employees more is supposed to tank a stock because it means less profit. OH YEAH I FORGOT, everyone will work at an Apple store and buy Apple shit, ECONOMIC PROBLEMS SOLVED!!!!

We will never have a correction because the Fed will just step in and buy stocks, causing all the momo traders to buy so they don't miss an uptick rally. I'm having fun looking at all the parabolic 2 day charts. It's like praising the picture the neighbors retard gives you.


That is the only fundamental left in the market. Not missing a rally. Doesn't matter if it's bullshit. At least oil didn't go to $90 today, doesn't matter because gas is still selling for the same price as it was when oil was $105.

Either the insiders already know QE3 is going to be $2 trillion or they are really, really, stupid. I still don't get why stocks would take off before the money is handed out. Wouldn't you want to profit more off the free cash? Driving stocks up just makes it more expensive to buy more shares with Benny Bux.

gjp's picture

True that.  Friday and today have seen melt-ups on all the mo-mo favourites, on half normal volume.  Is it going to play this way all the way to the grand utterings of Banana Ben?  Sadly, it probably will.