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From A Trader's Diary...

Tyler Durden's picture


Ever wonder what a page in the daily diary of a "sophisticated" institutional trader looks like? Wonder no more. This is currently making the rounds...

Dear Diary:

  • 7.00 – 8.00 Mkt rallies on Chinese Buying Italian Bonds – But they were’nt!
  • 8.00 – 9.00 Mkt Crashes as Greek Electricity/Tax Office Strikes & therefore default looms.
  • 9.00 – 11.00 Mkt moves sideways to down as BNP in WSJ says that nobody will lend them $’s and nobody likes them. – But then they deny it!
  • 11.30 – 12.30 Mkt rallies like crazy because Sarko & Merkel to make an announcement – except nobody knows what that the annoucment is for.
  • 12.40 – 12.50 Mkt Crashes because they’re not going to make announcement
  • 12.56 Figure out how to explain to a child that ‘yes dear, there’s a lot of clever people who think very hard & make very bright decisions in the stock market business!

h/t zeropower


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Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:19 | 1663232 malikai
malikai's picture

Lol! Welcome to the rubicon!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:21 | 1663234 DefiantSurf
DefiantSurf's picture

Rubicon? this is a minefield !

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:26 | 1663254 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

More like a semi-controlled Jungle landing without a clearing in sight.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:40 | 1663296 malikai
malikai's picture

"Is that anti-air-artillery down there alongside that strip? Are you sure we should land there? Those guys look pretty mean and what are those flashes? Um, it looks like they're throwing baseballs at us.. Wait, what was that?!"

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:03 | 1663667 Triggernometry
Triggernometry's picture

There's nothing like tea-bagging a hot LZ

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:19 | 1663725 malikai
malikai's picture

To me, a hot LZ is 36-24-26. :)

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663260 prophet
prophet's picture

$300 million cable to speed London-New York trades


September 13, 2011, 9:10 AM

A $300 million underwater cable is being laid between London and New York to speed up financial transactions by 6 milliseconds, or about 10%, the Telegraph reports.

It’s the first such cable since the dot-com boom.

Privately-held Hibernia Atlantic expects to sell high-speed bandwidth on the cable to hedge funds, foreign exchange traders and other trading firms once it’s completed in 2013.

By some estimates, each millisecond saved can boost hedge fund’s annual bottom line by $100 million.

The 3,741 mile cable attempts to follow the great circle route between the two cities as closely as possible.

-Tom Bemis

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:31 | 1663277 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

$300 million may be a lot of money to average day traders, but trust me its nothing to the pros. The reason some people are such successful traders is that they aren't afraid to think big.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:50 | 1663319 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Theyll be thinking 'big losses' real soon, and this time they wont be saved when they cry and throw their tantrums to be rescued again...not this time!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:57 | 1663332 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Quote: this time they wont be saved Unquote

I'll bet you're wrong....

No one has to be responsible and take their consequences anymore. Everyone gets rescued...especiall those who screw everyone else.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:00 | 1663345 Idiot Savant
Idiot Savant's picture

That's funny sheepdog; put the bottle down and get some sleep.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:41 | 1663840 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

Idiot Savant - that's like a Bubba Savant except with most of their own teeth.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:05 | 1663365 He_Who Carried ...
He_Who Carried The Sun's picture

Its just daily noise now, the new 'normal'.

Hello Traders, goodbye  Investors.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663273 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

Welcome to the Con - Rube!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:35 | 1663285 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Patrick Bateman: I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:08 | 1663377 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

 Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Christy, take off your robe.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:17 | 1663411 gangland
gangland's picture

order me a j&b and a bellini be right back im going to the men's room.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:19 | 1663456 TGR
TGR's picture

WALLST - I'm sure glad you are being sarcastic there. I thought for one disturbing moment you were actually being serious.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 13:47 | 1664402 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture


Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:35 | 1663811 Thisson
Thisson's picture

"I have to return some videotapes."

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:19 | 1663454 blueRidgeBoy
blueRidgeBoy's picture

I must be the only one who doesn't get the joke. Why does this link to Christian Bale's IMDB page?  Must be an inside joke among the conspiracy theorists...

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:47 | 1663597 gangland
gangland's picture

brad easton ellis american psycho book better than movie, yeah we  conspiracy theorists like to read, idiot.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 15:09 | 1664772 blueRidgeBoy
blueRidgeBoy's picture

Oh, NOW I get it.  A pop culture reference to some piece of pulp-fiction "literature" and its Hollywood adaptation.  So you're demonstrating your superiority by recognizing a quote from the movie.  Got it.  Jackass.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 23:22 | 1666251 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

"Call me Ishmael."  (or Wooden Bender!)

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:35 | 1663546 caerus
caerus's picture

i have to return some videotapes.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:53 | 1663638 gangland
gangland's picture

“I'm resourceful,” Price is saying. “I'm creative, I'm young, unscrupulous, highly motivated, highly skilled. In essence what I'm saying is that society cannot afford to lose me. I'm an asset.” Price calms down, continues to stare out the cab's dirty window, probably at the word FEAR sprayed in red graffiti on the side of a McDonald's on Fourth and Seventh. “I mean the fact remains that no one gives a shit about their work, everybody hates their job, I hate my job, you've told me you hate yours. What do I do? Go back to Los Angeles? Not an alternative. I didn't transfer from UCLA to Stanford to put up with this. I mean am I alone in thinking we're not making enough money?”

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:40 | 1663833 lincolnsteffens
lincolnsteffens's picture

I love my job. I used to make a modest living at it. Now the only way to keep from going under is to figure out what is true vs. utter bullshit in the financial and political arenas.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:04 | 1663944 gangland
gangland's picture

but isnt that interesting in itself and how are you dealing with that technically? it seems like sort of a progression if not evolution in sociodynamics. what i'm saying is thati think youre experiencing the rebalancing of the quantitative with the qualitative. what do you think?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:17 | 1664000 bid the soldier...
bid the soldiers shoot's picture

This ain't the Rubicon. This is the Styx.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:20 | 1663233 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture


Trading decisions solely based on.... rumors :)


Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:21 | 1663236 malikai
malikai's picture

Buy the rumor? Sell the rumor. Fuck it, just sell.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:26 | 1663256 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Welcome to the world of machines, for machines and by machines. We messy humans will soon be reduced to technicians and street sweepers. You know..........the (machine) service culture.

Opps, looks like we already are.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663272 malikai
malikai's picture

As a machine fixing slave all of my working life, I resemble that statement! Sadly, though, the machines do not show me any love in return. I would go on strike to protest, but I don't want them to begin to view me as fuel.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:43 | 1663290 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Machine # 1: malikai seems to be malfunctioning again.

Machine # 2: Third time this month and only half way through.

Machine # 1: Shall we grind his bones to make our bread?

Machine # 2: Too much gristle. Feed him to the lions instead.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1663317 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture
Ray Bradbury. The Veldt "George, I wish you'd look at the nursery."
"What's wrong with it?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then."
"I just want you to look at it, is all, or call a psychologist in to
look at it."
"What would a psychologist want with a nursery?"
"You know very well what he'd want." His wife paused in the middle of
the kitchen and watched the stove busy humming to itself, making supper for
"It's just that the nursery is different now than it was."
"All right, let's have a look."
Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:21 | 1663235 Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

The Careless Whisper Morning Report


Zambia Uses Chinese Renminbi In Day To Day Transactions

German Minister Says Facebook Threatens Data Privacy; Urges Avoidance,1518,785712,00.html

Chase Official On "Chase Burning" Painting; "It's Scary",0,686...

Manny Ramirez Arrested For Bitch Slapping Wife; He Says It Was A Swing And A Miss

Last Nites Debate In 100 Seconds

9/11 Conspiracy In 4 Minutes




Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:24 | 1663250 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Banksters not too keen on paintings of banks burning? Well, they should be worried, people are beating the elites guards in the streets as we speak!

Chile - Rioting Injures 50 - Mostly Police Injured - YouTube

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:56 | 1663329 ramirez
ramirez's picture


This video made my day! Hope to see some similar activity all over Europe too.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:29 | 1663270 caerus
caerus's picture

that's just manny being manny

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:38 | 1663291 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Careless Whisper

Hasn't China pumped a lot of money into Africa? And where that money is aren't there very large communities of Chinese who seem to be very insular. It comes as no surprise that Zambia has adopted the currency of a principle investor who also just happens to be colonizing, to some extent, wherever they invest.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:57 | 1663338 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Alex Shaefer should work on some personal portraiture. I'd bid.

The Burning Moynihan.

Lloyd on Fire.

Jamie Flame-on.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 23:31 | 1666273 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

How about something surreal, like "The Bernank's Melting Printing Press?"  :>D

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:05 | 1663368 island
island's picture

"9/11 Conspiracy In 4 Minutes" is excellent. 

Thanks for the link.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:21 | 1663462 Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

"Chase Burning" is nice, but the artist made a mistake choosing oil as his medium.  His vision would be conveyed much better as performance art.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:24 | 1663237 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Sheesh! Just post a list of the times and headlines on ZeroHedge if you want a roadmap of market Schizophrenia. 

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:24 | 1663238 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

The markets were not designed to be a Casino, they were designed for INVESTMENTS.  Of course, Investments with the help of the computer are now limited to 5 seconds in and out.  I would prefer all traders get the hell out, along with this corrupt government (GovtSacks) and let the markets seek their own level on P/E earnings and real, not artificial government induced growth and manipulation.


Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:00 | 1663342 LongBallsShortBrains
LongBallsShortBrains's picture

What are you talking about?

Casinos are Investments Sheeeesh!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:22 | 1663240 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

He left out the stock slide on Zerodamus speech?

Heres what the banksters see, their guards getting their asses beat in street riots. This time in Chile.

Chile - Rioting Injures 50 - Mostly Police Injured - YouTube

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:22 | 1663241 ZDRuX
ZDRuX's picture

Nothing to do with product pricing.. this is just a big zoo.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:22 | 1663243 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

how can anyone make a living in this environment?  unless you are insider ?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:23 | 1663248 DefiantSurf
DefiantSurf's picture

and now you understand

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:23 | 1663244 DefiantSurf
DefiantSurf's picture

German Minister Says Facebook Threatens Data Privacy; Urges Avoidance

not to mention its great for starting / organizing riots!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:24 | 1663249 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

We should all give WS a huge colonoscopy, eh?!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:29 | 1663271 prains
prains's picture

Pls use a hairbrush for their impending colonoscopy

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:24 | 1663251 Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

13:00 Get some Ravioli!

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:27 | 1663259 economessed
economessed's picture

It's not a market.  It's where dumb money goes to die.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:28 | 1663264 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Fundamentals at some point matter.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:28 | 1663265 The Axe
The Axe's picture

Hey,,i resemble that

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:28 | 1663266 Aductor
Aductor's picture

But of course. HFT-algos need High frequency headlines. And remember folks, it adds liquidity and hence stability and price "discovery" to the market. You may say Amen now.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:29 | 1663268 swanpoint
swanpoint's picture

"Of course, verifiable figures are elusive and estimates vary wildly, but it is claimed that a one millisecond advantage could be worth up to $100m (£63m) a year to the bottom line of a large hedge fund."



Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:29 | 1663269 NEOSERF
NEOSERF's picture

All of this up and down, rumors, innuendo is simply cover.  We will all wake up one of these days and find that the end has occurred while we slept...the direction is down and even this market will get tired of the gyrations and simply want to clean out...the longer we levitate the worse it will be

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663274 Cdad
Cdad's picture

Ponzi in full effect.  Now that the false catalyst for yesteday's up tourist move in equity markets has been repealed, the Roach Motel [SPY] is actually up.

Makes perfect sense.  I'm sure capital is forming and preparing to invest in the Ponzified US equity market.  Our future is soooo bright as ALL credibility lies dying in the street.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:32 | 1663281 Cdad
Cdad's picture

News Flash....the BlowHorn [CNBC]...cheerleader Jim Cramer:

"Gold is still kinda important."

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:48 | 1663312 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

But Cramer missed the memo that he's now irrelevant.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:52 | 1663322 Cdad
Cdad's picture

And yet COMCAST chose to put him in the late Mark Haines slot.  Did they somehow forget to look at Cramer's ratings before they made this decision, or are they having a problem getting anyone to fill positions?

Mystery to me...

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:44 | 1663858 ImnotPOTUS
ImnotPOTUS's picture

I am certain some producer made a convincing pitch to just have the E-trade baby make stock pics all day long.

More entertaining than Cramer by far. I am sure that management found that to be too blatant an admission that the only reason they are on the channel line up is to sell add space to retial trading firms.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663275 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

It doesn't matter one iota what you're selling, as long as someone is buying...

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:31 | 1663279 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

And in the best of all worlds, matching a desperate seller with a desperate buyer. Like a dream come true.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:30 | 1663276 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

So was it chow mein or spaghetti for lunch?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:38 | 1663292 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

If theres ever time for lunch... quick pizza or sandwich. Chow mein def 2nd on list

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 15:11 | 1664783 Chestire
Chestire's picture

Deep bow, TY

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:35 | 1663284 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

A bigga ponzi pie, thick crust with extra sauce - to go...

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:39 | 1663294 DefiantSurf
DefiantSurf's picture

Dow was down yesterday what, 180pts? Before the China rumor, then ramped all the way to +68, now nothing but the dispelling of the rumor has changed, yet the markets hold the ramp? WTF?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1663309 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Yes, while people tell me the S&P will be at >900 before Bernank drops QE3, funny that they wont allow any drop and go all-in pumping clinging to DOW 11,000.

Seems to me if those 'in the club' knew this huge QE3 free money for equities was coming, they'd all just go short and take the week off.

But instead theyre sweating any drop even placing stupid rumors to cover their pumping, only way it makes sense is if QE3 is a faceplant and they know it.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:41 | 1663298 Mugatu
Mugatu's picture

Forgot these entries:

11:00 am - Calculating my year end bonus

11:15 am - Shopping for new Donzi boat online, how about blue for the color?

12:32 pm - Recalculating my bonus after morning trading session

12:51 pm - Talked to my boss about a raise

1:12 pm - Getting new wheels for my M Series Beemer

1:58 pm - Got to check what my bonus will be now after the close

2:30 pm - Boss won't give me a raise. How can this company think I can survive on only 800K per year?

3:15 pm - I got stopped by a beggar on the street.  Can't we get rid of these people?

3:45 pm - Boy, I tired from a very tough day at work

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:58 | 1663341 rocker
rocker's picture

Donzi is a good name.  They don't deserve to be in the same boat with the criminals.

These cheap bastards would probably buy a Bayliner. 

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1663313 MIDTOWN
MIDTOWN's picture

Uh, isn't today the date of the monthly government cost of living sample?

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 09:53 | 1663325 Jim in MN
Jim in MN's picture


0645 Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

0945 Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

1145 Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

1330 Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

1500 Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

Right before bed Look at Kim Kardashian pic on ZH

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:35 | 1663548 oddjob
oddjob's picture

It is an ugly fat-ass gorilla.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 10:05 | 1663366 spanish inquisition
spanish inquisition's picture

7 am - Turn on computer and boot HFT, go get some coffee.

9 am - Back from coffee, profits down due to high corrolations from other computers. Start making lunch plans for 11.

9:29 am - Hit enter to start HFT.

1:30 pm - Back from lunch. Talk with math dorks about how to target flaws in other algos to increase $.

2:30 pm - Look at newspaper and see if you can do some puzzles, get help from dorks for hard questions.

3:30 pm - Set up computer for EOD and go walk around and try to catch the hottie on her coffee break.

4:30 pm - Hit enter to close out HFT. Send some emails to show you are working late.




Tue, 09/13/2011 - 11:55 | 1663914 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 You cant steal money from folksif the market is rational. It acts crazy by design.

Tue, 09/13/2011 - 12:43 | 1664097 The Pop In
The Pop In's picture

Makes me think of the movie "The Sting" !

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