UBS' Art Cashin Waxes Poetic For The New Year

Tyler Durden's picture

It may not be iambic pentameter or Shakespearean sonnet-worthy but the venerable Art Cashin delivers his now traditional year-end poetic summation of all things newsworthy - old and new.

 

'Tis two days yet to New Year
but despite what you’re hopin’
The folks in the Board Room
say “the full day we’re open”

So we'll buy and we'll sell
as the tape crawls along
And though "Bubbly's" verboten
we may still sing a song

Two Thousand Eleven
looked good at the start
But deadlocks in D.C.
took things all apart

We finished up with a rally
thanks to old Santa Claus
But some late Euro troubles
Almost caused us to pause

We lost special people
as we seem to each year
It just makes us treasure
each one that’s still here

Peter Falk, dear Columbo
put his raincoat away
James Arness, Marshall Dillon
wears a new star today

Jack Kevorkian left us
without an assist
Harry Morgan, Colonel Potter
will also be missed

And Christopher Hitchens
said of God he had doubt
Now he’s taken that journey
when we each will find out

Andy Rooney’s curmudgeon
up to heaven has gone
Jack La Lanne and his juicer
have also moved on

Amy Winehouse so troubled
has joined heaven’s choir
And Betty Ford also
in this year did expire

Joe Frazier, once smokin’
went down for the count
And Jane Russell, the Outlaw
found a heavenly mount

Liz Taylor’s great beauty
now in heaven’s halls glows
Jackie Cooper, the child star
donned some angelic clothes

Steve Jobs left his iPad
he won’t need it now
His final words as he left us
were just a simple “Oh Wow!”

Mark Haines left the floor too
without saying good-bye
Though he growled & he grumbled
he was still a good guy

Kim Jong Il has departed
yet North Korea’s no fun
We’re stuck with his third kid
who he named Kim Jong Un

Navy Seals got Bin Laden
now Khaddafi’s gone too
Two of the worst kind
that we ever knew

Japan had a huge earthquake
followed by a great wave
Which engulfed a reactor
that they couldn’t quite save

A tornado hit Joplin
Alabama slammed too
Lots of tears then rebuilding
nothing else could they do

And in once civil Norway
one day folks ceased to smile
When a gun totting loner
shot some kids on an isle

While in Middle East cities
young folks took to the streets
And they spoke to each other
Using YouTube and tweets

In Washington - Gridlock
was the theme of the year
It brought ratings cuts to us
and left nothing to cheer

Up sprang “Occupy Wall Street”
it was almost a flop
‘Til a YouTube explosion
of that pepper spray cop

Corzine’s MF Global
misplaced lots of dough
When they asked where it went
he said - damned if I know

Herman Cain scored debate points
his three “nines” moved up fast
But he made a quick exit
shocked by things from his past

We saw Merkel, Sarkozy
a cliff-hanger in Greece
Bonga boy Berlusconi
claimed some girl was his niece

The Prez had a few struggles
in the polls he did slip
Prompting new speculation
that Hil & Biden he’ll flip

Casey Anthony’s jury
somehow had a doubt
And some Italian justice
let Amanda Knox out

A chambermaid pointed
to a guy named Strause-Kahn
But the District Attorney
said her tale was a con

And then Anthony Weiner
emailed some pointed tweets
Charlie Sheen had a meltdown
as he screamed of his feats

Let not this year's memories
of sadness or sleaze
Disturb you this day
just give your heart ease

Have faith that this New Year
will bring a new sign
And believe in yourself
it will all work out fine

Just lift up your spirits
and some fruit of the vine
And kiss ye a loved one
and sing Auld Lange Syne

And late in the evening
as you watch the ball fall
Wish yourself all the best
Happy New Year to All!!