UBS' Art Cashin Waxes Poetic For The New Year

Tyler Durden's picture

It may not be iambic pentameter or Shakespearean sonnet-worthy but the venerable Art Cashin delivers his now traditional year-end poetic summation of all things newsworthy - old and new.


'Tis two days yet to New Year
but despite what you’re hopin’
The folks in the Board Room
say “the full day we’re open”

So we'll buy and we'll sell
as the tape crawls along
And though "Bubbly's" verboten
we may still sing a song

Two Thousand Eleven
looked good at the start
But deadlocks in D.C.
took things all apart

We finished up with a rally
thanks to old Santa Claus
But some late Euro troubles
Almost caused us to pause

We lost special people
as we seem to each year
It just makes us treasure
each one that’s still here

Peter Falk, dear Columbo
put his raincoat away
James Arness, Marshall Dillon
wears a new star today

Jack Kevorkian left us
without an assist
Harry Morgan, Colonel Potter
will also be missed

And Christopher Hitchens
said of God he had doubt
Now he’s taken that journey
when we each will find out

Andy Rooney’s curmudgeon
up to heaven has gone
Jack La Lanne and his juicer
have also moved on

Amy Winehouse so troubled
has joined heaven’s choir
And Betty Ford also
in this year did expire

Joe Frazier, once smokin’
went down for the count
And Jane Russell, the Outlaw
found a heavenly mount

Liz Taylor’s great beauty
now in heaven’s halls glows
Jackie Cooper, the child star
donned some angelic clothes

Steve Jobs left his iPad
he won’t need it now
His final words as he left us
were just a simple “Oh Wow!”

Mark Haines left the floor too
without saying good-bye
Though he growled & he grumbled
he was still a good guy

Kim Jong Il has departed
yet North Korea’s no fun
We’re stuck with his third kid
who he named Kim Jong Un

Navy Seals got Bin Laden
now Khaddafi’s gone too
Two of the worst kind
that we ever knew

Japan had a huge earthquake
followed by a great wave
Which engulfed a reactor
that they couldn’t quite save

A tornado hit Joplin
Alabama slammed too
Lots of tears then rebuilding
nothing else could they do

And in once civil Norway
one day folks ceased to smile
When a gun totting loner
shot some kids on an isle

While in Middle East cities
young folks took to the streets
And they spoke to each other
Using YouTube and tweets

In Washington - Gridlock
was the theme of the year
It brought ratings cuts to us
and left nothing to cheer

Up sprang “Occupy Wall Street”
it was almost a flop
‘Til a YouTube explosion
of that pepper spray cop

Corzine’s MF Global
misplaced lots of dough
When they asked where it went
he said - damned if I know

Herman Cain scored debate points
his three “nines” moved up fast
But he made a quick exit
shocked by things from his past

We saw Merkel, Sarkozy
a cliff-hanger in Greece
Bonga boy Berlusconi
claimed some girl was his niece

The Prez had a few struggles
in the polls he did slip
Prompting new speculation
that Hil & Biden he’ll flip

Casey Anthony’s jury
somehow had a doubt
And some Italian justice
let Amanda Knox out

A chambermaid pointed
to a guy named Strause-Kahn
But the District Attorney
said her tale was a con

And then Anthony Weiner
emailed some pointed tweets
Charlie Sheen had a meltdown
as he screamed of his feats

Let not this year's memories
of sadness or sleaze
Disturb you this day
just give your heart ease

Have faith that this New Year
will bring a new sign
And believe in yourself
it will all work out fine

Just lift up your spirits
and some fruit of the vine
And kiss ye a loved one
and sing Auld Lange Syne

And late in the evening
as you watch the ball fall
Wish yourself all the best
Happy New Year to All!!

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GeneMarchbanks's picture

Ron Paul hosed... again.

CPL's picture

Hate to say this but Obama might take 2012 by by proxy of non-participation of the electorate.


The smear job being run against Ron Paul is at thermo nuclear strike levels.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Too early. All I know is: None of those 'events' had any real significance in my life and Art is a master at his craft. The old dog knows one thing for sure: Mundus vult decipi.


The Limerick King's picture



Three cheers to the poet named Cashin

Whose year ending verse is the fashion

Don't speak of the dead

Give us stock tips instead

That will help us when everything's crashin'!


Chump's picture

That and the fact that the GOP is yet again working successfully to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.  The fact that Romney is the supposed front-runner and Bachmann is even in the running says it all.  We'll get to choose from "shitty" and "really shitty" in November, if the S hasn't HTF before then, and that's a big 'if' in my opinion.

The Deleuzian's picture

Unrhymed Iambic Pentameter

Potemkin Village Idiot's picture

& to think it all happened on WALL"Barry" Street...

The Deleuzian's picture

There once was a girl from Nantucket................

Stax Edwards's picture

Happy New Year fellow Hedgers!

CPL's picture

Some New Years quotes for all


Mark Twain
New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

Brooks Atkinson
Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.

Bill Vaughan
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.

P. J. O'Rourke
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.

Jay Leno
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution.

James Agate
New Year's Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

Eric Zorn
Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle.

Bill Vaughan
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.

Charles Lamb
New Year's Day is every man's birthday.

Oprah Winfrey
Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.

Mark Twain
New Year's Day… now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.

Judith Crist
Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let's just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that.

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.

Joey Adams
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!

Anais Nin
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.

Oscar Wilde
Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

Robert Paul
I'm a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Leonard Bernstein
From New Year's on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining.

G. K. Chesterton
The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.

youngman's picture

Wine..he doesn´t drink wine....thats a whiskey face if I´ve ever seen one...

ToNYC's picture

I saw dear Art Cashin, NYSE Badge 805, trying courageously to hold a glass to receive a bit of the Veuve Cliquot's benevolent discovery, but alas, and is my fond hope, that it was something other than marinating fluid that dissolved what ever set of nerves that control the Ssshhaaakkkes.

God bless Everyone says Tiny Tim and I.

Caviar Emptor's picture

Art, you forgot Cliff Robertson who played JFK in PT109

SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

Hey're alright.   HNY all.

monopoly's picture

Art Cashin is one of a kind. Hope he stays with us for a long while. A class act.

And to all here at Zero Hedge, been a hell of a year. We get the truth here, every day. We argue, we disagree but we are a community of spirt that longs for the day that this planet finds the truth, does what is right for the country and the world. In short, we still have hope.

Happy New Year Tyler and Staff and all who frequent here. Yes, you too Robot.

lizzy36's picture

To Tyler and Staff - Thank-you for your incrediable work. And for giving us a place to go where everybody knows your avatar, and they are always (mostly ;)) glad you came.

To Commentators both good and not so good.....Happy New Years. You'll help make this place special.

May we all enjoy the company of loved ones and great health in 2012.

fredquimby's picture

All the best to all ZHedgers for 2012 and the earth's passage into Aquarius ;)

NOTW777's picture

Art is a class act

thewhigs's picture

Wishing all of my fellow Zerohedgers a wonderful (and safe) New Years and prosperous 2012. :-)

Ag Star's picture

If you believe the navy seals got Bin-Laden in 2011, then I have a nice bridge to sell you.  

laspeyres's picture

What a halfwit. How is he still employed?


spekulatn's picture

Happy New Year ZHers!

jack stephan's picture

Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

Fuck scores keep your dinky arrows, Id slap half of you with your own two hands.

But to the decents keep on truckin, bitchez

nmewn's picture

lol...I gotta say, this was one and all...Auld Lange Syne.