USS Enterprise Holding Drills To Attack Made Up 'Faux Theocracy' Shahida States And 'Pesky Garnetians'

Tyler Durden's picture

A few days ago we presented some speculation on what the final deployment of the 50 year old USS Enterprise aircraft carrier in the Arabian Sea may mean from a strategic standpoint, today we get to hear it from the US Navy itself. And just when we thought we had heard it all, we now get confirmation that the farcism that has defined capital markets for the past 3 years is slowly migrating to military planning. "The carrier and its entourage of support ships are in the Atlantic Ocean, somewhere east of Florida, with land completely out of sight. But for the purposes of the drill, they’re cruising near the fictitious Treasure Coast. Maps displayed on the bridge’s monitors show the contours of the Eastern Seaboard, the Gulf of Mexico and a good chunk of the Midwest, but all state borders have been removed and replaced with a handful of countries that come with their own boundaries and political allegiances. Enterprise and its strike group are focused on Garnet and North Garnet, countries that support terrorism on the Treasure Coast. They’re fundamentalist Shahida states — a faux-theocracy — and they want to reunite with Pyrope, one of the nine other made-up countries. On Enterprise, intelligence analysts evaluate the situation, fighter squadrons plan sorties, and the ship’s newspaper, “The Shuttle,” prints an extra section that details the international political situation. It’s a novella set at sea that grows more complex as hours past. “Those pesky Garnetians,” strike group commander Rear Adm. Walter Carter Jr. told sailors after a day packed with maneuvers, launches and landings."

But lest anyone get the pesky though that this is all just a ridiculous way to hide the true ambitions of the carrier, we get the following: "The Navy says the training isn’t specifically tailored to a possible U.S.-Iran scenario.“We’re training for all the mission areas,” said Rear Adm. Dennis FitzPatrick, commander of Strike Force Training Atlantic. Those include anti-submarine warfare and counterpiracy missions." But then again: "The drills do have applications for potential tension with Iran, however. Treasure Coast includes a fake strait about 200 miles east of Orlando that, like the Strait of Hormuz, is about 35 miles wide at its narrowest point.“There obviously is an emphasis on where we think the ship will go,” FitzPatrick said."

More humor from the Navy Times on what is currently going on at the USS Enterprise:

Capt. William Hamilton stands on the footrest of his chair on the bridge, looking through a window and down at the flight deck below. A mechanical pencil, a notebook and an iPod Touch with a stopwatch program are all within arm’s reach.


The skipper is trying to prove his ship can quickly launch and recover airplanes, one of the requirements to certify the Navy’s oldest carrier as ready for its 22nd and final deployment.


The 50-year-old Enterprise is expected to deploy this spring to 5th Fleet. The launch-and-recovery drills at the end of January were part of a composite unit training exercise, a comprehensive final exam designed to prepare the carrier and its strike group for any type of operation, emphasizing those it is most likely to encounter when it deploys.


Besides launching and landing aircraft, the strike group is preparing to rescue fishermen captured by pirates, much like ships of the John C. Stennis Carrier Strike Group have done recently. The ships also are practicing cruising through contested straits, a drill that will prepare them for any possible tension with Iran as they pass through the Strait of Hormuz.

An aircraft carrier... the third one in the region...being used to "rescue fisherman captured by pirates"...     :0

The farce goes on:

When Hamilton isn’t watching the flight deck, he squints behind his wire frame glasses and scribbles details into the notebook or clicks off splits with the stopwatch app. He’s like a baseball statistician tracking every pitch, hoping that his team is ahead of the count. He wants each launch and trap to take a minute or less, and he knows how close each one comes down to two decimal places.
For now, Hamilton is fixated on launching and recovering aircraft as quickly as possible. Timing is important because the ship must hold a steady course and speed during such operations, making its movements predictable and an easier target for an attack. The faster the carrier can launch and recover aircraft, the sooner the ship can take evasive maneuvers and throw off enemies.


Even though one of the forward catapults is down for repairs, things are working out well for Hamilton. Then the evaluator throws him a knuckleball: There’s an issue with a tanker, and they need to figure out a solution. It will cost the carrier time, but it will train the crew to handle complications that could occur during a real mission. The evaluator diplomatically tells Hamilton that he shouldn’t worry about it hurting his score — he’s just a few minutes into his launch cycle but already ahead of schedule.

Frankly, we are at a point where we fail to see where reality ends and where The Onion begins. For anyone who wishes to befriend CVN-65 Enterprise on facebook can do so here.

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Silver Bug's picture

The war games continue to intensify. Hopefully this year doesn't go postal.

ACP's picture

This all sounds like an episode of Star Trek.


Why doesn't Kirk just threaten them with the Federation's secret weapon - carbonite?

HoofHearted's picture

The whole explanation sounds like, "These are not the droids you're looking for."

Slartebartfast's picture believe you meant - corbomite?  Carbonite was Star Wars.  Let's get our silly references straight, shall we?

Centurion9.41's picture

The "games" and scenarios are part of EVERY deployed battle group's STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE. 

Before everything went digital, every time battle groups passed each other, one into theater to take station and the other leaving station, they executed a battle plan turnover that included all the classified charts, records, etc., from the theater war gaming of prior battle groups.

The only difference today, there's nothing to turn over.

Only a fool thinks the military that isnt CONTINUOUSLY planning and playing out war scenarios.

To point to war game activity as a solid indication of war build-up is simply the fantasies of an ignorant fool.

And the names of the good & bad guys are thought up by young officers, most under 30 years old.  Remarkably similar to the fascinations and machinations of many of the posts in ZH.

Joe Sixpack's picture

Probably true, but still worth a blog post.

Centurion9.41's picture

The point at which a "probably true" question becomes a lie of deception is determined by the knowledge and intent of the one making the assertion.

Matt's picture

Just curious, is the 9.41 a reference to Texas Penal Code?

Centurion9.41's picture

Actually, no Matt.  The origin of the name is biblical; a nexus of the Centurion who considered himself not worthy and the warning of the millstone.  That said, I love the connection to the Tx penal code.  It fits perfectly with the overall philosophy of the pseudonym.  So I consider your question a great fortune.  Thank you for asking!


Randall Cabot's picture

August 1914 anyone?


'Israeli attack will prompt Pakistani response'

February 5, 2012

A diplomat based in Islamabad said on Sunday that an Israeli attack on Iran would force Pakistan to support a Iranian response, according to the Israeli website

Both Russia and China have said that an attack on Iran would be an attack on their national security.

"Iran is our close neighbor, just south of the Caucasus. Should anything happen to Iran, should Iran get drawn into any political or military hardships, this will be a direct threat to our national security," Dmitry Rogozin, Russia’s deputy prime minister and former envoy to NATO, said in mid-January.

"China will not hesitate to protect Iran even with a third world war," said Major General Zhang Zhaozhong in December.,7340,L-4185684,00.html    


Gully Foyle's picture

Listen up bitchez!

(Alois Irlmaier a native German, a simple, devout Christian he was interviewed by writer Conrad Adlmaier in the nineteen fifties and what he said assumes an ominous new significance, particularly in the light of recent developments. In essence he saw the approach of another world war, asked what causes this war, he responded:)

Everything calls peace. Shalom! Then it will occur -- a new Middle East war suddenly flares up, big naval forces are facing hostility in the Mediterranean -- the situation is strained. But the actual firing spark is set on fire in the Balkans: I see a 'large one' falling, a bloody dagger lies beside him --then impact is on impact. Two men kill a third high-ranked. They were paid by other people. One of the murderers is a small black man, the other a little bit taller, with bright-colored hair. I think it will be at the Balkans, but I cannot say it exactly.

After the murder of the third it starts overnight. I see quite clearly three numbers, two eights and a nine. But I cannot say what it means and cannot state a time. The war begins at sunrise. He comes along very rapidly. The farmers sit in the pub playing cards, when the foreign soldiers look through the windows and doors. Quite black, an army comes from the east, but however everything occurs very rapidly. I see a three, but I do not know if it means three days or three weeks.

Massed units march from the East into Belgrade and moved forward into Italy. Thereafter three armored wedges immediately advance with lightening speed in the north of the Danube over West Germany towards the Rhine ñ without preliminary warning. This will occur so unexpectedly that the population flees full of panic to the west. Many cars clog the roads ñ if they had stayed at home or not used the main streets. Everything, which will be an obstacle for the rapidly advancing tanks on high-speed motorways and other fast motorways, will be down-rolled. I cannot see the Danube bridges above Regensburg anymore. Hardly anything remains of the big city Frankfurt. The Rhine Valley will be devastated, mainly by air.

I see three spearheads coming. The Russian does not stop anywhere, while running in his three wedges. Day and night they run in order to reach the Ruhr-district, where the many furnaces and fireplaces are. Day and night the Russians run, inexorably their target is the Ruhr-district.

Immediately the revenge comes from across the large water. However the yellow dragon invades in Alaska and Canada at the same time. But he comes not far.
And then it rains a yellow dust in a line. When the golden city is destroyed, it begins. Like a yellow line it goes up to the city in the bay. It will be a clear night, when they begin to throw it. The tanks are still driving, but those who sit in theses tanks become quite black. Where it falls down, everything will become quite dead, no tree, no bush, no cattle, no grass, this becomes withered and black. The houses still exist. I don't know what it is and so I cannot tell it. It is a long line. Who goes over this line, dies. Then everything in the spearheads breaks down. Nobody will come back anymore.



The airplanes drop a yellow powder between the Black Sea and the North Sea. Thus a death strip is created, straight from the Black Sea to the North Sea, as wide as half of Bavaria. In this zone no grass can grow let alone humans live. The Russian supply is interrupted.

From the east there are many caterpillars. But in the caterpillars everybody is already dead, although the vehicles keep rolling on, in order to gradually stop automatic. At the Rhine the attack is finally repelled. From the three spearheads no soldier will come home anymore.

The pilots throw off their small black boxes. They do explode, before they touch the soil, and spread a yellow or green smoke or dust. What comes into contact with this becomes dead, whether it is human, animal or plant. For one year no organism is allowed to enter this area, otherwise it will expose itself to the largest mortal danger. These boxes are satanic. When they explode, a yellow or green dust or smoke arises, everything that comes in contact to it, is dead. The humans becomes quite black and the meat falls off their bones, so sharply is the poison. nobody from these three armies will come home anymore.

Then I see someone flying, coming from the east, who drops something into the large water, so that something strange will happen. The water lifts itself as high as a tower and falls down, then everything is inundated. The whole action will not last long, I see three lines - three days, three weeks, three months, I don't know exactly but it wonít last long.

And then:

There is an earthquake. The southern part of England slips into the water. One part . . . disappears, when the thing falls into the sea. The countries at the sea are endangered of the water heavily, the waves go high as a house; it foams, as if it would boil. Islands disappear. A part of the proud island sinks, if the thing falls into the sea, which the pilot drops. Then the water lifts itself as high as a tower and falls down. What this thing is, I do not know. When it comes, I do not know.

During the war the big darkness comes, which last 72 hours. It will become dark at a day during the war. Then a hail impact, consisting of lightening and thunder, breaks out and an earthquake vibrates the earth. Please do not go out of the house at this time. The lights do not burn, except candle light, the current stops. Who inhales the dust, gets a cramp and dies. Do not open the windows, cover it completely with black paper. "Outside the death by dust goes around, many humans die. After 72 hours everything is over. But again: Do not go out of the house, do not look out of the windows, and keep the candle light burning. And pray. Overnight there will die more humans than in the two world wars before.


Do not open the windows during the 72 hours. The cattle falls, the grass becomes yellow and dry, the humans will become quite yellow and black. The wind drives the clouds of death off to the east.

The city with the iron tower (Paris?) becomes the victim of its own people. They ignite everything. Revolution is, and everything is going wildly.

The large city with the iron tower is on fire. But this has been done by its own people, not by those who came from the east. And in Italy it is going wildly too. They kill many people there and the Pope flees, but many clergymen will be killed, many churches collapse.

In Russia a revolution breaks out and a civil war. The corpses are so much that you cannot remove them off the roads anymore. The large ones among the party leaders commit suicide and in the blood the great guilty is washed off. I see a red mass mixed with yellow faces, it is a general riot and horrible killing.

The cross comes to honours anew. The Russian people believe in God anew. They sing the Easter song and burn candles in front of sacred pictures. By the prayers of Christianity the monster from hell dies; also the young people believe anew in the intercession of the God's mother.

If everything is over, a part of the inhabitants have died, and the people are frightened of God anew.

The laws, which bring death to the children, become invalid. Then peace will be. A good time. The Pope, who had not to flee across the water for a long time, returns. When the flowers bloom in the meadows, he will return and mourn for his murdered brothers. After these events a long, lucky time comes. But the people have to begin there, where their grandfathers began. End!

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Gully please Fedex me whatever it is you are smoking.

Money 4 Nothing's picture

News headlines Search: "3 Mushroom farmers get lost in the woods for 6 day's" Well, their home now. Explains alot.

knukles's picture

"Roomhunter#1:  Like   uh     are we   uh       hmmm   home  yet  


"#2:  wuh        uh             t     ?

Money 4 Nothing's picture

Family claims to have taken shelter in hollowed out tree for 6 day's, Authorities report, no hollowed out trees found in the alleged area, only sapplings.

According to the report from the young son, claims to Authorities that he is a fighter pilot and he lost his black boxes to drop over enemy territory. Sent to local SKIP unit for further evaluation.

Doctors still can't explain brown rings around families mouths, left Doctors baffled. More at 5:00

sushi's picture

Gully please Fedex me whatever it is you are smoking.


Just tell me how to position myself downwind. With what he's got just taking the breeze should be quite a hit.

Max Hunter's picture

Gully please Fedex me whatever it is you are smoking.

If you sign for that, it becomes a Federal crime..

blindfaith's picture almost had me pee my pants.  Screen play right?

god anew hugh...sorry moved and left no forwarding address.


Diogenes was asked, "What is the difference between life and death?

"No difference."

"Well then, why do you remain in this life?"

"Because there is no difference."

OmPonzi_PonziOm's picture

I had the same dream last night but I thought it was the Thai Food I ate.  You missed the part where the female anti-Christ and the the female Savior duked it out mud wresteling at Stonehindge.  You shoulda slept in.

Dugald's picture

Nostro Dumass plagiarised....

HardwoodAg's picture

Stay inside and drunk for 72hrs, and don't eat the yellow snow.

No problem

A Nanny Moose's picture

Two men kill a third high-ranked. They were paid by other people. One of the murderers is a small black man, the other a little bit taller, with bright-colored hair.

So Heat Miser and Gary Coleman are going to kill somebody important? Wutchoo talkin 'bout Willis?

Money 4 Nothing's picture

So that's what happened to Sammi Davis Jr. and Ronald Mc Donnald?

Buck Johnson's picture

Actually the Enterprise is looking at being decommissioned.  It would be a perfect target for a false attack in the gulf to say that Iran sunk it when in reality someone else did.

Fluffybunny's picture

I don't see a problem. In military exercises you almost always have fictional enemies that atleast remotely replicate your probable enemies.

Heck, in the Finnish military the fictional enemies can always, with a bit of reading between the lines, be understood as the Russians.

prains's picture

faux attacks using faux fuel borrowed from faux friends using faux dollars,sounds about right fluffy?? where's my .22

my puppy for prez's picture

...and being reported 24/7 on Faux News... 

Money 4 Nothing's picture

9/11 was a military exercise too. It was named, "Operation Bizarre Coincendnce" Just joking, It was called "Operation Northern Gaurdian" here is the link.


Don't seem so fukin far fetched anymore now does it?


Cadavre's picture

.. ictional enemies that atleast remotely replicate your probable enemies.

I am of the opinion the only fictional and / or probable enemy we have is the chickenshit face that stares back at us from inside the mirror.

The Talmudic Dandies that smell of an altar boy's soured tuna sauce and self-convinced they're in charge of this game wanted to hit Syria for the same thing Bloomberg and the Mayor of Oakland have been doing to the OWS movement. The world is a poker game and everybody is holding the same royal flush - and yet - they're still throwing worrthless chips into the pot like somehow it will make a difference.

OWS is the "barking dog" that "does not bite". The next one will bite an` that be fer sure and when he jab that big yellow fang right down them usurper wannabes' throat and beleive me baby, it gonna hurt like protonic reversal on steroids - the dandies be dribbling yellow and red on the snow under their feet like a field dressed dickless buck that just had his musk glands pruned from it's inner knees.

What I loved most about the art ...

Capt. William Hamilton stands on the footrest of his chair on the bridge, looking through a window and down at the flight deck below. A mechanical pencil, a notebook and an iPod Touch with a stopwatch program are all within arm’s reach.

Unless he pull a Carnival Cruise Capitan number, hell "still" have his feet on the "footrest" after mooring the old lady dead center astride of Hormuz then get crispied  and drown as a couple of "our only friend in the middle east" Dolphin Class Wolf Pack subs send her to the bottom with a lavish :chosen" broadside for a butt fuck session with Davy Jones.

What walks the deck of the USS enterprise? I see dead people walking - when will our uniformed services employees realize that their benefits will the way of other pension funds - and that the protection they were promised for circumstances of dark demise are as valid as the words on the parchment at the Jefferson Memorial. GI: You want to take care of your family - then live - do not allow yourself to be a target for the claimants of Abraham's divine legacy placement.

The Kosher Nostra wants Hormuz closed - they've essentially closed it already - but now they need something for revisionary history canons they feed to the dumb downs on main street like SOilent Green - ooops - prescience gets fuzzy - will there still be a main street after the final reconciliation - will it look ike london bridge circa middle ages and generously garnished with the heads wearing the faces of all our CSPAN celebs rotting atop the prongs of "made in america" pitch forks?

You could hear the orcs hanging out at a Lexington and 59th Latte Parlor smaking their lips at the prospects of Hormuz being plugged. Just think of what all that action will do for the faux US GDP and the dollar carry.

Oh regional Indian's picture

Actually, if it wern't for bombs and sundry things that kill in military hands, it is an on-going clown-show where only mediocrity can shine. 

Straight-jacketed, Moribund Mania. 

And I think this 'exercise" and it's ridiculous premise is just rubbing it in the world's faces and sending some big hints. Let's see if we can decipher those.



GeneMarchbanks's picture

Operation Irani Liberation, am I close?

Oh regional Indian's picture

:-) Well, the faux theocracy, Shahida is interesting.

Shahid in Persian and Arabic means Martyr.

hmmmmmm...... And pyrope. Pyr is Fire. 

Rope of Fire? 

That kind of deciphering.

Martyr and Rope of fire or Fire-rope.

Now what do you say?


nevadan's picture

The mineral pyrope is a member of the garnet group. Pyrope is the only member of the garnet family to always display red colouration in natural samples, and it is from this characteristic that it gets its name: from the Greek for fire and eye. Despite being less common than most garnets, it is a widely used gemstone

Nice try but it looks like a mineral theme what with Garnet and North Garnet as terrorist countries.

Oh regional Indian's picture

Unless they chose Garnettia so that Pyr-rope would work?

Code is never in your face you know? ;-) 


Meta Fundamentalist's picture

Let me guess, the carriergroup calls herself 

Goldmanite ?    :)



Cocomaan's picture

Yep, you beat me to it. Call the country Shaheeda means that our government has no intention of negotiating with anyone.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

I doubt your average NA citizen has heard of this word. Sounds like 'our' gubmint is in someone else's hands. It's cool though, I'm sure they're righteous just keep paying them taxes.

Oh regional Indian's picture

I think the only code being broadcast to NA sleeple is : Look, big, shiny ships and roaring aircraft and afterburners and go go go!!!!!!

Shahida and Pyrope is for someone else.


Gully Foyle's picture

Oh regional Indian

"Do you know what a shit rope is Julian? It's a rope covered in shit that criminals try to cling to. Y'see, the shit acts like grease, and the harder you tighten your grip, the more you slide down it"

Uncle Remus's picture

I was unaware of that meaning for Shahida- had to look it up. Additionally, a verb; to witness or testify, from which one gets "Shahadah"

AbruptlyKawaii's picture

it's farsi you stupid fuck stop spamming your worthless fucking blog persia hasnt existed for 2500 yrs are people born in florence Roman you fucking turd? do they speak latin/roman you fuckwad? are iranians cats or rugs???

Oh regional Indian's picture

Keep your ill-informed ass in your mom's basement, douchebag. Now read something, edify yourself...

Persian (?????, IPA: [f????si?]) is an Iranian language within the Indo-Iranianbranch of the Indo-European languages. It is primarily spoken in Iran,AfghanistanTajikistan and countries which historically came under Persian influence. The Persian language is classified as a continuation of Middle Persian, the official religious and literary language of Sassanid Persia, itself a continuation of Old Persian, the language of the Persian Empire in theAchaemenid era.[3][4][5] Persian is a pluricentric language and its grammar is similar to that of many contemporary European languages.[6]

Persian has ca. 110 million native speakers, holding official status respectively in IranAfghanistan and Tajikistan. For centuries Persian has also been a prestigious cultural language in Central AsiaSouth Asia, and Western Asia.[7]

Persian has had a considerable influence on neighboring languages, particularly the Turkic languages in Central AsiaCaucasus, and Anatolia, neighboring Iranian languages, as well as ArmenianArabic and other languages. It has also exerted a strong influence on South Asian languages, especially Urdu, as well as HindiPunjabiSindhiSaraikiSylhetiBengali,Oriya and Nepali.[3][6][8][9][10][11]



Cpl Hicks's picture

Fight Club!

I'll hold your coat, ori.

V in PA's picture

I thought it should be called "Operation Trade in Fucking Dollars or Die Bitch". At least the average goober would finally understand what this is all about.