Viva Central Planning

Tyler Durden's picture


In this week's missive, Jefferies' strategist David Zervos decries the doomsayers, panders to the printers, and colors this colossal nominal rally (and its expected infinite horizon) through green toner-colored glasses. All we can say here is "Viva Jefferies' David Zervos, and Viva Sarcasm"... it is Sarcasm right? Because if serious, this letter seems like it could have been penned by anyone fighting tooth and nail to become 3rd undersecretary of central planning in Stalinist Russia. We leave it to readers' judgment on which side of the fence Mr. Zervos sits.

Viva la fiesta, viva la noche, viva los "central bankers"..

Yes, another line from that song I cannot get out of my head - "Loca People". But I replaced "los DJs" with "los central bankers". It seemed appropriate as they are the ones keeping the beat and making this party lively. If it wasn't for DJ Benny B we would have the masses listening to Bing Crosby sing "Pennies from Heaven" or "Brother, Can you Spare a Dime" as they stand in line for a cup of soup (flashback to the 30s)!

Thanks Ben. And there is more good news, DJ Mario and DJ Shirakawa have finally came to the party to help DJ Benny B and DJ Merv keep the strobe lights flashing - "all day, all night...." - that global CB balance sheet beat just keeps expanding - "viva los central bankers"!! DJ Hildebrand did enter the club late last year to help out, but he had a few problems with the "rules". Thanks for stopping by Philippe, we know you meant well! Nevertheless, his replacement, DJ Jordan looks to be ready to spin some reflationary verses! It's all good in the club. So keep those party hats on and take some risk......this party is just going to get stronger by the day!

Of course there are still plenty of party poopers who want to shutter the club and remove the DJs. They seem to be quite content for large swaths of the population to get back in soup kitchen lines while cranking up the Bing Crosby. Thankfully most of these folks have been relegated to selling their doom on vitriolic blog sites where only the bitter and twisted, who missed the first few sets of the party, hang out! There are however a few of these poopers who populate the policy circles - mostly they reside at Wilhelm-Epstein-Strasse 14. All of these folks love to yap on and on about the evil DJs who destroy currencies, the global economy and capitalism. Thankfully the music from the club is loud enough to overwhelm this pooper cacophony.

That said, we all know that partying at the club is not without its risks. Too much fun, too much reflation and too much punch can have some long term negative effects - the inflation hangover is surely coming. But the point is our DJs have thankfully decided to take those risks over the alternative risk of the 1930s - there is no free recovery, we have to take some risk! As we have agrued many times, this is right risk tradeoff! So with the club growing stronger by the day, and DJs now firmly in control of the party, the doom crowd has slowly shifted from depression and deflation warnings to hyperinflation scares - pathetic. In all honesty I love the fact that this doom crowd exists - we will need a bunch of folks to get forced into buying spoos up at 2000 as a successful global recovery takes hold down the road. Viva los doomsayers as well!

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Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:52 | 2358501 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:09 | 2358576 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

Johnny, what the fuck. Love that tune. Listen to it daily on channel 51. It's time that the central palnners consider....pussy per diem.!/2012/04/pussy-per-diem.html

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:20 | 2358613 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

/jack on

Idiotic MSM headline of the day...

Romney, Obama both claim Reagan legacy.

/jack off

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:52 | 2358710 LowProfile
LowProfile's picture


Is it safe to say the propaganda has been turned up to 11?

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 13:01 | 2358736 Eclipse89
Eclipse89's picture

"...when I came to Zero Hedge and I saw Zervos writings, I told to myself: WHAT THE FUCK! ...all day...all night..."

Fri, 04/20/2012 - 05:31 | 2360526 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

What a load of bollocks. Surely you can't take this shit seriously?


Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:10 | 2358579 spiral_eyes
spiral_eyes's picture

It would have to be if it is going to make you do something as stupid as loving central planning.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:19 | 2358606 Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

Chuck Prince (Citibank): "As long as the music is playing, you've got to get up and dance."

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:52 | 2358506 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

I think he should just come out and blow Bernanke in public. It can't get any more explicit than this lette^H^H^H^H^H propaganda piece.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:56 | 2358530 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

A religion in its death throes. That is all.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:01 | 2358549 Top_Kill
Top_Kill's picture

A fractal fiat system (pun intneded GeneMarchbanks) must replicate and manifest to infinity. Expect more and more of this sack stroking.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:15 | 2358586 Popo
Popo's picture

This is actually more insightful than he knows:


"So with the club growing stronger by the day, and DJs now firmly in control of the party, the doom crowd has slowly shifted from depression and deflation warnings to hyperinflation scares - pathetic."


... if he read his Von Mises, he'd know that those are the only two possibilities when emerging from a credit bubble.    ie:


"There is no means of avoiding the final collapse of a boom brought about by credit expansion. The alternative is only whether the crisis should come sooner as the result of a voluntary abandonment of further credit expansion, or later as a final and total catastrophe of the currency system involved." - Ludvig Von Mises


If that doesn't sum it all up, I don't know what does.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:19 | 2358602 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

Von Mises forgot to mention that in politics you can keep drinking and pass the hangover "problem" to the next one...

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 13:23 | 2358793 LowProfile
LowProfile's picture

Apt metaphor.

Because you can do that...  Until you die of alcohol poisoning.

So to continue it, there are two choices for the current system:

1.) Delirium Tremens

2.) Die in the Gutter

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:35 | 2358657 WAMO556
WAMO556's picture

Sounds like the movie: The Andromeda Strain. The old movie, not the new gay one! Nothing lives in a acidic environment. Maybe if we doused the CB's in HOOCH then the would implode. Whose to say that it won't work if not done!

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:21 | 2358615 ekm
ekm's picture

The central banks have printed so much debt that the only way to prevent a deflation shock from occurring is a re-introduction of communism.

Western leaders can hire Castro as well as still living former eastern european communist leaders as consultants. We will all end up happily and equally poor.

By deflation shock I mean at least 30% Dow and S&P correction in 1 month as well as 200 trillion in derivatives vanished.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:25 | 2358625 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

ehmm... come on, we are all grown-ups here: Treasuries have printed the debt. CBs just eventually monetize it...

and fight to keep deflation down. with the clear end-results, of course, but this is later

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:29 | 2358644 ekm
ekm's picture

No objections as to Treasury printing the debt, actually even further, Congress printing the debt, since Treasury can sell as much debt as congress allows it to do.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:32 | 2358651 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

They need not hire anyone. The Chinese have a lock on this already.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 13:12 | 2358730 ekm
ekm's picture


However, I think their consultancy fee could be too, too high.

Former communist leaders can fall in for just few meals a day, since that's what totalitarinism is about, few meals a day for everybody to survive (North Korea could be an notable exception as far as survival is concerned).

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:13 | 2358594 BlueCollaredOne
Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:57 | 2358721 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Tyler has given the big hint, this article is big-league sarcasm -

A few days ago on ZeroHedge, David Zervos at Jefferies may have nailed the whole EU situation.

The bottom line is that Germany and the northern EU countries lent money to the southern EU countries in order to sell northern products and services ... and in the meanwhile stuffed these dodgy loans onto northern Europe's banks, pension, funds and insurance companies.

This is the dirty secret Germany's leaders probably can't yet even admit to themselves.

So German pensions are now half-'funded' by Spanish and Italian bonds and similar ... so Merkel & co., and northern Europe as a whole, have two choices: Let the defaults and EU break-up roll ... which means telling German and northern European citizens that their pensions and social benefits are bust and might need to get cut by half ... leading to revolution ...

Or the Germans can do what they hate, let the ECB print money and inflate like mad ... print the money to take the pressure off of Spain and Italy, print the money to hide from the German people, that they aren't half as wealthy as they thought, print and inflate and pretend they don't know why food and beer prices are going up every month.

'The Ugly Truth for Northern Europeans' -

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 13:01 | 2358741 ekm
ekm's picture

Bang on.

The only thing with issuing the electrons (or printing money as you call it), is that nobody wants it, it goes straight back to ECB.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:04 | 2358524 prains
prains's picture

we finally know who MDB is

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:56 | 2358525 Top_Kill
Top_Kill's picture

Viva la ponzi!!!

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:58 | 2358533 thetruthseeker
thetruthseeker's picture

This guy should be handcuffed to a lamppost in central Athens with a sign around his neck stating "The Banks Deserve More Bailouts."  What happens to him afterwards, I guess that will be up to the Greek people.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:00 | 2358539 zhtidbits
zhtidbits's picture

The song is called crazy people...  I think the line from the song, 'la jenta esta muy loca, what the F$@#?' says it all

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 11:59 | 2358546 Confused
Confused's picture

I immediately stopped taking this serious once I read DJ.


This guy makes me want to puke.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:22 | 2358618 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Why would you take sarcasm seriously?

You sound confused. ;-)

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:03 | 2358557 DrDre
DrDre's picture

I heard David Zervos speak last week. This letter must clearly be sarcastic, because he is anything 'but' a pro-bulls. 


Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:04 | 2358564 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

100 years ago the Titanic sank into the frigid Atlantic, and the band played on....

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:07 | 2358570 Barrack Chavez
Barrack Chavez's picture

Mr Zervos worked at RBS -- which collapsed and needed a British taxpayer bailout.   Then he worked at UBS, (see if this sounds familiar) which collapsed and needed a Swiss taxpayer bailout.

Notice that he hasn't had a US taxpayer bailout ... yet.     He is just trying to fix his record and make it 3 for 3

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:09 | 2358577 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I heart can kicking.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:11 | 2358580 Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

But when the music stops, will there be enough chairs for the bulls?

The "doomsayers" have already taken all the chairs.


Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:11 | 2358582 markbark
markbark's picture

What? Me worry?

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:17 | 2358598 Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture


Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:19 | 2358605 resurger
resurger's picture

 they are the Reality Kings

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:19 | 2358614 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Ben, is that you?

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:22 | 2358619 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

People who get paid by the government have a different perspective on the cost of groceries...

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:26 | 2358629 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

In his sarcasm, he dares the DJ to change the music from Miley Cyrus to Megadeath.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:50 | 2358700 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture



Open Market Operations have Pumped Real { * Printed Money, 400% added to the Monetary base in 4 years sounds right'ish} Liquidity into the market place! it is a Fact!

Because the transmission of this Liquidity.. equals a Gain { ** Post Tax} for use of the Federal Reserve Window.. PLUS! the handling Fee(s)! { *** Gotta LOVE Those Fee(s)}.. Legal does such a GREAT Job Tracking the time spent that it is almost un-needed to track anyone else's.. but now a days you need every minute you can.. to justify costs! LOL!! Just in case, it turns into a Case! a Court Case that is!

But I digress! let’s get back to the Liquidity that Pays YOU! I mean them! LOL!! to be used! via the Federal Reserve Bank and the Internal Revenue Service! Pay Them to Use to SCREW YOU!! Out of YOUR MONEY!!

The Market Makers!

The Name Brand Retail Houses!!

The Gate Keepers!!! Of the Co-Lo Servers that every Trade runs thru on the Retail Side.

Or! For those Thinkers who are ultra savvy who think that the Dark Pool(s) offer some form of protection from the sub penny scalping that goes on! LOL!!!

I will skip the elongated explanation and just say that in the Dark Pools More! NOT!! Less! Scalping! Happens.


The Money / Debt / Liquidity.. being NOT!! released into the broader economy thru this (Chosen) Transmission Technique.. to save us from the Inflation Monster (beyond 2% or is it 5%+ to make up for lost time?? How are we blending that out? Never mind! The point of being able to Protect! We the Sheepeople! From the Un-Healthy Inflation while floating the broader markets seems to have worked out nicely! KUDOS! The Fact that the Top 0.00001% have increased their wealth 100’s of % in the last 4 years.. I believe that gains are in line with the growth of the monetary base, or close enough to.. that any logical human being would have to say good! But the Fact! That the Sheepeople have been sliding backwards.. ever more slowly.. which in itself is a good thing.. people sliding more slowly into the quicksand is better that people sliding faster into the quicksand! These people sliding more slowly into the quicksand are so far broadly ignoring the Fact that the Top 0.00001% have Gained because of this chosen Transmission Technique by Bernake.. the Poor, Un-Educated Sheep are more interested in staying drunk on some form of new Madison Ave. Koolaide than problem solving! Thank God for Trayvon!! Trayvon has provided so MUCH!! Cover! That the Koch Brothers are footing the Legal Bills for the Judges Son! LOL!! And 2 Judges so far have removed themselves from the Case! And NO! Judge wants the case! Because Zimmerman didn’t break the LAW!! Everyone knows that! But the Judge that sits on the Case when Zimmerman is found NOT! Guilty will NOT! Be re-elected! Period! LOL!


So the Sheep are busy Bashing the Niggers and Crackers of the World! While the Federal Reserve Window is given a rest.. so that the markets will cool and slide backwards the needed 20% to justify or provide cover for the next Public Round of Quantitative Easing!

Given the FACT! That the Mark to Market Rule allows my old tennis shoes to be used as collateral! The Banks don’t need at QE or Twist! They just want it! Free Money! Out in the Open! And the Sheep are chanting Trayvon! The Bankers Dream has almost come true!

I forgot what my point was.. I had to look back at the story line at the top of the page..

Central Planning..

Central Planning.. is Fun!

Central Planning.. It is EASY!! Given the Quality of the Majority of Americans!

The show will go on!

The FBI has 400 million rounds of ammo on the way! This same ammo can NOT! be used against an invading army{ see the Geneva Convention on Ammo Rules)!! But America will use it against its own people! LOL!!

Nothing will change.. except maybe how much money the Baby Boomers are NOT! going to collect! That they were supposed to collect! It is so much cheaper for Wall Street to screw them ALL! than to have to pay them!

The Republican Public Relations Arm.. has Successfully Brain Washed the Majority of Working America.. into thinking the Poor are Draining Society of any extra monies! And the Poor and their Food Stamps are keeping America from recovering! LOL!!


Mean While the Corporate Welfare on Wall Street Grows and Grows COMPETELY!! UN-CHECKED!!! And cost America MORE!! Than the Military! in Total!

But! Never mind that! It is the Poor People! And their Billion Dollar Obama-Care Lobby! LOL!!

The poor have such deep pockets to fund these Lobby’s!


Instead of Central Planned Banking being the issue?

Instead of Blaming Bernake?? And the Illuminati / Masons / Jews / Zionists!

Why don’t we blame who is really to blame in a Republic! The Voters!

They have the Choice of Communist? Or Fascist Obama  or Planet Kolob Romney! America can win how? With either or both even? One is better than the other? How? If you have Cat shit on one hand and dog shit on the other hand.. which is the better to rub your itchy nose with? There is NO! MO!! BETTA!!!


The Top 400 who are not really the Top 400 no matter how many times Forbes repeats the list!


We the Sheepeople could get rid of the Top 400 and nothing would change! Because the Top 400 are NOT the Top 400!


So? if the best the Sheep can do is fixate on what Corporate Owned Media Provides for them to fixate on????????

Central Planned Media?

Central Planned Banking??

Central Planned Stoopidity??? (the NON-Educational System of America)

Central Planned Removal of Personal Rights, Peacefully (TSA pat downs for Children and Public School Behavioral Modification Programs, I mean non-bully Programs and the like)


But the Central Planned Bank is the Hub? Or more or less important than the rest?


America is Dead.. a LONG TIME AGO IT WAS MURDERED!! By the Richest of the Rich!


And We the Sheepeople have done NOTHING!! But play Bongo’s and Paint Signs in Protest! Which has Accomplished NOTHING!


So? the Crack Pots! The Home Grown Extremists who believe in the Rule of LAW! As Provided by the Constitution of the United States, The Bill of Rights and add in anything else that personally suits YOU!


Those People are prepared to watch Dancing with the Starz and Tweet / Blog / Vote for Republicans to STOP! This madness!

NOTHING is going to change!

Except the Baby Boomers are going to get screwed!

Over money!

That’s it!


No matter how mad you are or how hard you type!

Nothing’s going to change!


Central Planned Lazy Fucking Idiot Americans Sitting on their Centrally Planted Extra Wide ASSES!! Will NOT save the day! EVER!!


I was going to link the rest of the facts.. but why? it is a waste of time!

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 21:59 | 2360120 I_Am_
I_Am_'s picture

That was thunder-clap worthy......

Fri, 04/20/2012 - 06:50 | 2360550 Reptil
Reptil's picture

And We the Sheepeople have done NOTHING!! But play Bongo’s and Paint Signs in Protest! Which has Accomplished NOTHING!

same on this side of the pond. instead of corruption blame everything and everyone else.

- unemployment rises because the economy is dying? stop counting, or "lose" a bunch of people in the research.

- radiation blankets the world? stop publishing monitoring results and warnings. (Eudep now stopped as well.)

- money is becoming worthless? manipulate the alternative currency as well.

- banks mismanage loans? give them more money and power.

- debt leads to insolvency? create more debt.

- production capacity disappears? start focussing on meaningless consumer crap and fluff created in the equity market out of thin air.

- energy monopolies stifle much needed innovation, and further development of our technologies? give even more power to the monopolies.

- critics use logical arguments? blame them to be irrational, or even dangerous. (see above and watch the movie "God Bless America")

which begs the question: can a completely corrupt modern fascist state work inside an equally corrupt global scam? As long as appears to be ok?

of course not.

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 12:50 | 2358701 piceridu
piceridu's picture

How can he possibly understand when his paycheck is predicated on not understanding?

Thu, 04/19/2012 - 14:25 | 2359046 Canucklehead
Canucklehead's picture

This article is not sarcasm.  I suspect Jefferies has channelled their inner mini-LTCM beast and are now howling as they approach the cliff.  If they cannot get bailed out, they will follow LTCM.

Remember, Jefferies is smarter than most, but not all.

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