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Watch Europe's Professor Chaos And General Disarray At The Clown Summit

Tyler Durden's picture




 

For those who need a hearty dose of laughter on a Sunday, here is Europe's version of Professor Chaos and General Disarray yapping at the Clown Summit, having finally received the first shipment of HP-12C in history, and realizing they are all fornicated.

 

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Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:42 | 1801846 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Clowns in costumes

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:04 | 1801921 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

They really need to start better coordinating which monkeys will be fucking the football.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:36 | 1802009 spiral_eyes
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i like how this article implies barroso and rumpuy like getting fucked in the ass.

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 00:13 | 1803417 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

Two good thing swill come from this.

1. There has been no war, terrorist act or act of god on which this can be blamed, so they are going to have no alternative but to admit that the system itself does not work, and

2. we're not going to need anymore Euro MP's anymore...

so they can all go and GET A PROPER JOB...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:10 | 1801943 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Better than naked clowns ... that's an unsettling image.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 23:58 | 1803389 Zero Govt
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actually there's an even bigger clown (if it's possible!) across the Channel ...British Prime Minister, David 'Call me Clown' Cameron

some years ago this Home Counties village idiot wanted, indeed promised, a referendum on Europe. By the time he nearly got elected he'd melted away to no referendum required because it wasn't like the EU/EC/ECB were taking over British sovereignty by stealth or anything with 100 Laws a week from Commie Central in Brussels

and this week, as the EU/EC/ECB was crumbling, splintering and falling apart at the seems, this moron on the turbo-marooned political landscape was calling a 3 line whip (enforcing) his own Parties MP's vote 'For' further integration into the EU and against giving the British people a referendum

Let me run that by you again. Cameron is so far behind the curve in the very week the EU is falling part this village idiot is forcing his Party to vote to go into the EU. The same twat that was for a vote by the people not so long ago is now against his own MP's having a free vote against the EU. This is the same tinpot despot that (claims) he wants more democracy in the country while he forces his own party against a free democratic vote and wants to further integrate into the unelected, un-accoutable, un-democratic socialist super-State 

Who took Britain into the shambolic idealistic EU LaLa Land? None other than the meandering pompous windbag that was the most unpopular Tory Prime Minister to date, Edward Heath. But David 'Call me Retard' Cameron has just surpassed Heaths unpopularity in barely a years office  

It must come as a 'surprise' to Mr Cameron, afterall he's such a sharp cookie on topics like the EU and such a man of the people

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:47 | 1801862 Cassandra Syndrome
Cassandra Syndrome's picture

WTF was that about?

Gadaffi? 

Have they completely lost the plot?!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:48 | 1801864 jelyfish
jelyfish's picture

Did they pull his mic?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:48 | 1801867 oogs66
oogs66's picture

all their money went to planning summit's

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:48 | 1801869 Grimbert
Grimbert's picture

That HP12C only has 10 digits. They need 13.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:54 | 1801892 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Also new numbers like: Seveight. The number between seven and eight.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 14:10 | 1802269 TheFourthStooge-ing
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...and don't forget eleventeen and eleventy. Significant digits, indeed.

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:48 | 1801870 dereksatkinson
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Well..  There is some valid information.

It looks like they are definitely going to recapitalize the banks.  Numbers are estimated to be beyond 110 billion.  While not perfect, it's at least a little more realistic.

They are going to leverage the EFSF.

They are going to do a 50-60% haircut on greek debt.

 

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:57 | 1801903 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Well Im sure it will all be reported as 'good news', but who is left to fool anymore? Any plan now will just be consumed immediately then all go back to pounding their knives and forks on the table demanding more.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:07 | 1801931 FinHits
FinHits's picture

Well if they can pull that off, and even leave EFSF capacity and legislation where it is (i.e. no new parliamentary approval rounds), then this ought to calm the market for a while and reduce moral hazard.

With 50-60% bankd/bondholder writeoff, they ought to write down at least ECB stake somewhat, and also definitely trigger a hard default in Greece. That would be a meaningful deterrant for other PIIGS: writeoff only against hard default and CDS event.

The bank recapitalisation amount can also be meaningful if they completely clean up Greece exposure to market, and make a credible case in restructuring other PIIGS primary balances.

I think in the end the will make ECB print anyway, but if they can credibly just shut up after implementing the above, the global spotlight might move somewhere else, e.g. China bubble or something.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:10 | 1801944 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

*Magic free money*

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:21 | 1801959 Dollar Bill Hiccup
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Ok ... but WHERE does the money come from to do this?

The ECB levers through an off balance sheet vehicle but it's a mirage, it's still the ECB and the ECB is still Europe and the taxpayers in the end still foot the bill, even if some of those taxpayers are located in the USA. The ECB is going to take a 60% haircut on it's Greek collateral, so in effect if has to print more EUR and monetize the haircut.

This has been verboden by the Bundesbankers. But as Baroin said last week, the UK does it, the US does it, we should do it. Never mind that he is French ...

Now in addition to the haircuts on Greek debt for one of the larger holders, the ECB, you have all of the banks that need to be forcibly recapitalized and are going to have to write this shit down at the same time that they have to raise new capital.

Presto change-o.  Ok, that's all good still, but then why is the EUR going up since the ECB is now going to effectively be monetizing both the sovereign debt (Greek debt will not be the last haircut, no more hippies in the PIIGS) AND bank writedowns of this debt by further recapitalization.

What is the Dollar Bill missing here  ?

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:05 | 1802067 FinHits
FinHits's picture

Well, if they contain this to Greece (admittably difficult, but can happen), then the write-off levels from Eurobanks are tiny, a few tens of billions of Euros, about one-third of which has approximately been written off already without any meaningful impact on Tier 1 ratios.

I would expect the 50-60% Greek PSI to maybe hit the worst impacted bank by clearly less than 1% of Tier 1 capital. Doesn't hurt much, and the vulnerable banks are above 9% in most cases. So national recapitalisation need is limited from Greece only. Then there is maybe € 70 billion other kind of recap need just to get the Spanish and Italian banks to base Tier 1 of 9%, but that can wait a few months longer than Greek writeoff impact.

Then of course the "firewall" leaks to other PIIGS, but in my opinion they should just tough it out and say that that is the blueprint for them if they want writeoff: hard default, CDS event and IMF-drip feed. Nobody wants that, so they will at least try.

EDIT: Greek banks can't survive 50-60% PSI, but they are zombies anyway. Maybe they will just run with negative equity.

The key part is just shut up after the above and say that there won't be any new iterations, unless a nation wants to draw EFSF, triggering IMF involvement on the side.

 

Remember the "Greece can't default since it would be Lehman II all over again" is just (French) bank bullshit propaganda, not reality. That bullshit bluff is just now being revealed another "too big to fail"-lie to get free taxpayer money.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:52 | 1801872 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

TROIKA penetration. There are no more orifices left: REPEAT: NO.MORE.HOLES & NO.MORE.RABBITS

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:52 | 1801880 Segestan
Segestan's picture

It will take concrete policy to even begin to right decades of wrongs. Before any right is done, there will be much wrongs to come. One way or another the EU project is done. Time to wake up from that sleepy dream Vanwinkel.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:51 | 1801881 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Suspension of disbelief, bitchez!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:52 | 1801888 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

TIMMAAAYYYYY (and the lords of the underworld)

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 14:12 | 1802275 TheFourthStooge-ing
Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:53 | 1801890 Misean
Misean's picture

If we leverage the value of all the pencils lost behind the desks of BureauRats in Brussels...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:54 | 1801894 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

I remember seeing Bush and Barrosso on TV a few years ago whne Bush slapped Barrosso on the back and said,"you're a real piece of work."

GWB had no idea how right he was!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:20 | 1801960 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Dubya was the bumbling master at that sort of thing. Remember the uninvited--- and unwelcome--- neck massage he gave Angela Merkel? Now a lot of people are wishing he had strangled her while he had the chance.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:18 | 1802135 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Smart man that 'W'

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:54 | 1801895 Sabibaby
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It says 5:40 CEST but nothing is starting on the webcam so I think this was another mis-coordinated effort.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 11:55 | 1801896 lolmao500
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Isn't that Maoist Barroso? How will a communist central planning supporter like Barroso solve anything?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:00 | 1801910 bankonzhongguo
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Reset: Nationalize the banks. Hand the depositors' money back. Cancel the (former) bank (assets) debts. Start over.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:08 | 1801938 Clint Liquor
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You forgot, shoot the Bankers and the Politicians. Then start over.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:15 | 1801913 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

gawd almighty that is one ugly mutha fugga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1wzQNzttSk&feature=related

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 14:19 | 1802295 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

His face looks like somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/150283/ugly-bob

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:02 | 1801916 Sam_Slayer
Sam_Slayer's picture

They need to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) aka Baghdad Bob to do their press conferences. Who can forget such classics as ""No I am not scared, and neither should you be!" or "Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected". Just have him say EU instead of Baghdad.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:05 | 1801919 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

This looks like the biggest 'sell the news' set up in history. Who are they supposed to be fooling at this point, space aliens?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:30 | 1802156 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

'Bots, and they might be able to pull it off. No one else matters at least in stocks. If you think in nanosecond increments the time between market open on Monday until mid-week is just about the same as eternity. The bots are incredibly fast and incredibly simple minded and could easily read this drivel plus a pop in the euro as an invitation to party. It can't last forever (I think) but don't assume a return to reality yet.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 14:24 | 1802302 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Who are they supposed to be fooling at this point, space aliens?

I wouldn't put it past them:

http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/224686/in-persuit-of-baby-fark-mcg...

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:06 | 1801924 Clint Liquor
Clint Liquor's picture

I don't understand why everyone is waiting anxiously to find out how much Sovereign Debt the EU will monetize and when. The answer is clear; all of it and too late.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:17 | 1802131 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

get back in the clown car, clint_L!

drive!  you are too fuked up to sing!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:05 | 1801925 sabra1
sabra1's picture

all this is has been scripted long ago. you  don't think they're dumping all their stocks while giving the illusion of doing something? remember, 99% of oBLAHma's financial advisors have jumped ship. if they all jumped at once, it would have raised suspicion. there is always a reason why!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:08 | 1801937 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

No doubt all scripted long ago, this is how they now chain all of Europe tightly together so none of them can ever escape again.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:26 | 1801971 i-dog
i-dog's picture

Each member country should just ignore the Maastricht Treaty. "It's only a piece of paper!" Leave France to try again in another century: It's not like they've ever stuck to other treaties in the past.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:08 | 1801933 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Approved docket for Merkel:

 

  1. Call Sarkozy a scheißkopf
  2. Kick Sarkozy in the berries
  3. Inform NATO that Germany is planning war games with France
  4. Immediately recall David Hasselhoff
  5. Profit!
Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:21 | 1801964 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

My god!  Ralph Spoilsport?  From Ralph Spoilsport motors?

I want the Wild West gunrack!  And the climate control... So hop in your wife and drive in any direction to Ralph SpoilSport Motors!

For the uninformed:  Ralph is a sleezy used car salesman in the Firesign Theatre comedy album 'How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all.'  Classic late 60's drug-induced comedy.  Now we're watching a bunch of sleezy Euro politicians in a drug-induced comedy, but I'm not finding it as funny as Firesign.  I guess the drugs have worn off.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:44 | 1802042 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

The Firesign guys were both intelligent and observant - advantage - Firesign.  I think we're all Bozos on this bus.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 19:53 | 1802974 Errol
Errol's picture

Chrome fenderdents...and doors to match!

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:10 | 1801942 wandstrasse
wandstrasse's picture

more sandcastles erected against exponential debt tsunami

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:15 | 1801950 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

headline of the day from marketwatch-

Merkel, Sarkozy see progress on debt woes

tell a big enough lie...repeat that lie over and over...

well, you know the rest of that story.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:17 | 1801955 melanie
melanie's picture

http://m.ibtimes.com/france-seeks-to-sway-german-veto-on-ecb-bailout-rol...

Paris -- with support from most of the 17 euro zone states, including Italy and Spain -- argues the European Financial Stability Fund should be given a banking license, allowing the fund to leverage its lending capacity by tapping almost unlimited credit from the ECB's lending window. 
 
Germany, fiercely protective of the independence of the Frankfurt-based ECB, has argued that using it to leverage the EFSF would violate its mandate, leading to an unusually public disagreement between the two powers which normally chart the course for the bloc. The ECB also opposes taking on the role. 
 
Finland and the Netherlands -- which have emerged as hardliners opposed to the rising cost of euro zone bailouts -- have sided with Germany. But a range of concerned euro zone member states have rallied behind France's position. 
 
"The French are not letting go of it, and insist on their idea. Their position has not changed," one European diplomat from a nation sympathetic to Paris's view said on Sunday. 
 
Eurogroup chair Jean-Claude Juncker, the prime minister of Luxembourg, acknowledged the diplomatic stalemate over the crisis was damaging for Europe: "The outside impression is disastrous."

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:30 | 1801987 i-dog
i-dog's picture

"a range of concerned euro zone member states have rallied behind France's position."

Let me guess: Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain?

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:48 | 1802052 Steroid
Steroid's picture

 

No, it was:

Portugal

Ireland

Greece

Spain

Hungary

Italy

Turkey

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:41 | 1802193 e-recep
e-recep's picture

Turkey is NOT a Euro zone member.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 15:27 | 1802429 Steroid
Steroid's picture

You're right, It is "only" NATO with all the associated influence.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:37 | 1802187 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

I was going to remind you of Belgium but I'll go with Steroid's list

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:18 | 1801958 frippy
frippy's picture

"Take the jeep and get some ammo...fast."

- Talking G.I. Joe

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:21 | 1801965 Return2Sanity
Return2Sanity's picture

A construction engineer, a management consultant and a banker were all discussing whose was the oldest profession. The engineer said "In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth: what's that if it's not construction?" The management consultant said "Ah, but before that, he divided light from darkness, and created order out of chaos: what's that if it's not efficient management?" And the banker just smiled and said "And who do you think made the chaos?"

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:27 | 1801980 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

We have our own clown show over here, thanks to manipulation of the Consumer Price Index.

 

This Week’s Reports: 3Q Real GDP Expected to Grow at +2.5%! (Or Is It Down -5.5%?), Case-Shiller Up +0.2%! (Or Is It Down?)

 

http://confoundedinterest.wordpress.com/

 

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:39 | 1802017 tim73
tim73's picture

Argentina does it even better. Official inflation rate is 10 percent. Except in the real world it is about 26 percent. Mere rounding error.

www.inflacionverdadera.com

People living in poverty was at first 13 percent, again according to official statistics. Then Catholic church estimated it to be even 40 percent. So the Argentinian government issued a new number from the hat, 23 percent :) There are numbers and then there are numbers...

 

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 18:23 | 1802819 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

Shouldn't they be using irrational numbers like "pi" or "e" or perhaps e^pi?  After all they need scientific notation to express debts now.  If they just start taking logs the debt may seem quite manageable.

Example:  Old debt 10^12$;  new logrithmic debt log(10^12) = 12.  Seems better doesn't it?  Finance ministers will start saying things like, "the debt only increased one order of magnitude in the last year, which is pretty, pretty good, I'd say!"  And a lot smaller than Avagardro's number I might add.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:42 | 1802015 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

The TV production makes the summit look like an action movie.  Quick cuts from moving shots and walking shots to the Heads talking out of earshot (what are they saying and laughing about?), close ups of someone's hands.  I expect a Tarentinoesque soundtrack over the redux.

Talk about propaganda.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:40 | 1802028 Ecoman11
Ecoman11's picture

Did anyone just catch one of the EU leaders browsing for exotic cars on his laptop screen? I missed the snapshot.

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 12:48 | 1802062 Fake Jim Quinn
Fake Jim Quinn's picture

Since South park is referenced here, I say all of this stuff going on in Europe is DVDA

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 13:07 | 1802105 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

The central banking cartel mission is falling on deaf ears. Selling a notion of Global Hope has turned out to be no different than selling a used car.

How To Irritate People - The Car Salesman

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 15:51 | 1802472 zippy_uk
zippy_uk's picture

The confidence level of the UK / BoE in the EU/Barroso to solve the Euro crises can be expressed as the amount of "QE" the BoE is engaging in before the solution deadline is reached.. i.e £75 billion (for starters).

Don't hold your breath...

Sun, 10/23/2011 - 20:52 | 1803097 peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture

its all just bail out constipation .. defult is the ex-lax.. and the U S is the towlet bowl waiting for the mother of all craps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thTh0w5hjkg

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