Watch Europe's Professor Chaos And General Disarray At The Clown Summit

Tyler Durden's picture

For those who need a hearty dose of laughter on a Sunday, here is Europe's version of Professor Chaos and General Disarray yapping at the Clown Summit, having finally received the first shipment of HP-12C in history, and realizing they are all fornicated.

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Mongo's picture

Clowns in costumes

The Big Ching-aso's picture

They really need to start better coordinating which monkeys will be fucking the football.

spiral_eyes's picture

i like how this article implies barroso and rumpuy like getting fucked in the ass.

Harlequin001's picture

Two good thing swill come from this.

1. There has been no war, terrorist act or act of god on which this can be blamed, so they are going to have no alternative but to admit that the system itself does not work, and

2. we're not going to need anymore Euro MP's anymore...

so they can all go and GET A PROPER JOB...

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Better than naked clowns ... that's an unsettling image.

Zero Govt's picture

actually there's an even bigger clown (if it's possible!) across the Channel ...British Prime Minister, David 'Call me Clown' Cameron

some years ago this Home Counties village idiot wanted, indeed promised, a referendum on Europe. By the time he nearly got elected he'd melted away to no referendum required because it wasn't like the EU/EC/ECB were taking over British sovereignty by stealth or anything with 100 Laws a week from Commie Central in Brussels

and this week, as the EU/EC/ECB was crumbling, splintering and falling apart at the seems, this moron on the turbo-marooned political landscape was calling a 3 line whip (enforcing) his own Parties MP's vote 'For' further integration into the EU and against giving the British people a referendum

Let me run that by you again. Cameron is so far behind the curve in the very week the EU is falling part this village idiot is forcing his Party to vote to go into the EU. The same twat that was for a vote by the people not so long ago is now against his own MP's having a free vote against the EU. This is the same tinpot despot that (claims) he wants more democracy in the country while he forces his own party against a free democratic vote and wants to further integrate into the unelected, un-accoutable, un-democratic socialist super-State 

Who took Britain into the shambolic idealistic EU LaLa Land? None other than the meandering pompous windbag that was the most unpopular Tory Prime Minister to date, Edward Heath. But David 'Call me Retard' Cameron has just surpassed Heaths unpopularity in barely a years office  

It must come as a 'surprise' to Mr Cameron, afterall he's such a sharp cookie on topics like the EU and such a man of the people

Cassandra Syndrome's picture

WTF was that about?


Have they completely lost the plot?!

jelyfish's picture

Did they pull his mic?

oogs66's picture

all their money went to planning summit's

Grimbert's picture

That HP12C only has 10 digits. They need 13.


GeneMarchbanks's picture

Also new numbers like: Seveight. The number between seven and eight.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

...and don't forget eleventeen and eleventy. Significant digits, indeed.


dereksatkinson's picture

Well..  There is some valid information.

It looks like they are definitely going to recapitalize the banks.  Numbers are estimated to be beyond 110 billion.  While not perfect, it's at least a little more realistic.

They are going to leverage the EFSF.

They are going to do a 50-60% haircut on greek debt.



SheepDog-One's picture

Well Im sure it will all be reported as 'good news', but who is left to fool anymore? Any plan now will just be consumed immediately then all go back to pounding their knives and forks on the table demanding more.

FinHits's picture

Well if they can pull that off, and even leave EFSF capacity and legislation where it is (i.e. no new parliamentary approval rounds), then this ought to calm the market for a while and reduce moral hazard.

With 50-60% bankd/bondholder writeoff, they ought to write down at least ECB stake somewhat, and also definitely trigger a hard default in Greece. That would be a meaningful deterrant for other PIIGS: writeoff only against hard default and CDS event.

The bank recapitalisation amount can also be meaningful if they completely clean up Greece exposure to market, and make a credible case in restructuring other PIIGS primary balances.

I think in the end the will make ECB print anyway, but if they can credibly just shut up after implementing the above, the global spotlight might move somewhere else, e.g. China bubble or something.

Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Ok ... but WHERE does the money come from to do this?

The ECB levers through an off balance sheet vehicle but it's a mirage, it's still the ECB and the ECB is still Europe and the taxpayers in the end still foot the bill, even if some of those taxpayers are located in the USA. The ECB is going to take a 60% haircut on it's Greek collateral, so in effect if has to print more EUR and monetize the haircut.

This has been verboden by the Bundesbankers. But as Baroin said last week, the UK does it, the US does it, we should do it. Never mind that he is French ...

Now in addition to the haircuts on Greek debt for one of the larger holders, the ECB, you have all of the banks that need to be forcibly recapitalized and are going to have to write this shit down at the same time that they have to raise new capital.

Presto change-o.  Ok, that's all good still, but then why is the EUR going up since the ECB is now going to effectively be monetizing both the sovereign debt (Greek debt will not be the last haircut, no more hippies in the PIIGS) AND bank writedowns of this debt by further recapitalization.

What is the Dollar Bill missing here  ?


FinHits's picture

Well, if they contain this to Greece (admittably difficult, but can happen), then the write-off levels from Eurobanks are tiny, a few tens of billions of Euros, about one-third of which has approximately been written off already without any meaningful impact on Tier 1 ratios.

I would expect the 50-60% Greek PSI to maybe hit the worst impacted bank by clearly less than 1% of Tier 1 capital. Doesn't hurt much, and the vulnerable banks are above 9% in most cases. So national recapitalisation need is limited from Greece only. Then there is maybe € 70 billion other kind of recap need just to get the Spanish and Italian banks to base Tier 1 of 9%, but that can wait a few months longer than Greek writeoff impact.

Then of course the "firewall" leaks to other PIIGS, but in my opinion they should just tough it out and say that that is the blueprint for them if they want writeoff: hard default, CDS event and IMF-drip feed. Nobody wants that, so they will at least try.

EDIT: Greek banks can't survive 50-60% PSI, but they are zombies anyway. Maybe they will just run with negative equity.

The key part is just shut up after the above and say that there won't be any new iterations, unless a nation wants to draw EFSF, triggering IMF involvement on the side.


Remember the "Greece can't default since it would be Lehman II all over again" is just (French) bank bullshit propaganda, not reality. That bullshit bluff is just now being revealed another "too big to fail"-lie to get free taxpayer money.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

TROIKA penetration. There are no more orifices left: REPEAT: NO.MORE.HOLES & NO.MORE.RABBITS

Segestan's picture

It will take concrete policy to even begin to right decades of wrongs. Before any right is done, there will be much wrongs to come. One way or another the EU project is done. Time to wake up from that sleepy dream Vanwinkel.

MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Suspension of disbelief, bitchez!

SheepDog-One's picture

TIMMAAAYYYYY (and the lords of the underworld)

Misean's picture

If we leverage the value of all the pencils lost behind the desks of BureauRats in Brussels...

PulauHantu29's picture

I remember seeing Bush and Barrosso on TV a few years ago whne Bush slapped Barrosso on the back and said,"you're a real piece of work."

GWB had no idea how right he was!

Amish Hacker's picture

Dubya was the bumbling master at that sort of thing. Remember the uninvited--- and unwelcome--- neck massage he gave Angela Merkel? Now a lot of people are wishing he had strangled her while he had the chance.

Sabibaby's picture

It says 5:40 CEST but nothing is starting on the webcam so I think this was another mis-coordinated effort.

lolmao500's picture

Isn't that Maoist Barroso? How will a communist central planning supporter like Barroso solve anything?

bankonzhongguo's picture

Reset: Nationalize the banks. Hand the depositors' money back. Cancel the (former) bank (assets) debts. Start over.

Clint Liquor's picture

You forgot, shoot the Bankers and the Politicians. Then start over.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

His face looks like somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver.


Sam_Slayer's picture

They need to hire the former Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf (M.S.S.) aka Baghdad Bob to do their press conferences. Who can forget such classics as ""No I am not scared, and neither should you be!" or "Be assured. Baghdad is safe, protected". Just have him say EU instead of Baghdad.

SheepDog-One's picture

This looks like the biggest 'sell the news' set up in history. Who are they supposed to be fooling at this point, space aliens?

DeadFred's picture

'Bots, and they might be able to pull it off. No one else matters at least in stocks. If you think in nanosecond increments the time between market open on Monday until mid-week is just about the same as eternity. The bots are incredibly fast and incredibly simple minded and could easily read this drivel plus a pop in the euro as an invitation to party. It can't last forever (I think) but don't assume a return to reality yet.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Who are they supposed to be fooling at this point, space aliens?

I wouldn't put it past them:


Clint Liquor's picture

I don't understand why everyone is waiting anxiously to find out how much Sovereign Debt the EU will monetize and when. The answer is clear; all of it and too late.

slewie the pi-rat's picture

get back in the clown car, clint_L!

drive!  you are too fuked up to sing!

sabra1's picture

all this is has been scripted long ago. you  don't think they're dumping all their stocks while giving the illusion of doing something? remember, 99% of oBLAHma's financial advisors have jumped ship. if they all jumped at once, it would have raised suspicion. there is always a reason why!

SheepDog-One's picture

No doubt all scripted long ago, this is how they now chain all of Europe tightly together so none of them can ever escape again.

i-dog's picture

Each member country should just ignore the Maastricht Treaty. "It's only a piece of paper!" Leave France to try again in another century: It's not like they've ever stuck to other treaties in the past.

Ralph Spoilsport's picture

Approved docket for Merkel:


  1. Call Sarkozy a scheißkopf
  2. Kick Sarkozy in the berries
  3. Inform NATO that Germany is planning war games with France
  4. Immediately recall David Hasselhoff
  5. Profit!
IAmNotMark's picture

My god!  Ralph Spoilsport?  From Ralph Spoilsport motors?

I want the Wild West gunrack!  And the climate control... So hop in your wife and drive in any direction to Ralph SpoilSport Motors!

For the uninformed:  Ralph is a sleezy used car salesman in the Firesign Theatre comedy album 'How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all.'  Classic late 60's drug-induced comedy.  Now we're watching a bunch of sleezy Euro politicians in a drug-induced comedy, but I'm not finding it as funny as Firesign.  I guess the drugs have worn off.

DCFusor's picture

The Firesign guys were both intelligent and observant - advantage - Firesign.  I think we're all Bozos on this bus.

Errol's picture

Chrome fenderdents...and doors to match!

wandstrasse's picture

more sandcastles erected against exponential debt tsunami

marcusfenix's picture

headline of the day from marketwatch-

Merkel, Sarkozy see progress on debt woes

tell a big enough lie...repeat that lie over and over...

well, you know the rest of that story.

melanie's picture

Paris -- with support from most of the 17 euro zone states, including Italy and Spain -- argues the European Financial Stability Fund should be given a banking license, allowing the fund to leverage its lending capacity by tapping almost unlimited credit from the ECB's lending window. 
Germany, fiercely protective of the independence of the Frankfurt-based ECB, has argued that using it to leverage the EFSF would violate its mandate, leading to an unusually public disagreement between the two powers which normally chart the course for the bloc. The ECB also opposes taking on the role. 
Finland and the Netherlands -- which have emerged as hardliners opposed to the rising cost of euro zone bailouts -- have sided with Germany. But a range of concerned euro zone member states have rallied behind France's position. 
"The French are not letting go of it, and insist on their idea. Their position has not changed," one European diplomat from a nation sympathetic to Paris's view said on Sunday. 
Eurogroup chair Jean-Claude Juncker, the prime minister of Luxembourg, acknowledged the diplomatic stalemate over the crisis was damaging for Europe: "The outside impression is disastrous."