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What Jamie Dimon Really Said: The CIA's Take

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The last time the body language (and ex-intelligence) experts from Business Intelligence Advisors appeared on these pages, their target was Ben Bernanke, and specifically his first ever post-FOMC press conference. This time around, BIA has chosen the analyze what has been left unsaid by none other than the head of JP Morgan in the context of his $2 billion (and soon to be far larger) loss which is still sending shockwaves around the financial world. As a reminder, "Using techniques developed at the Central Intelligence Agency, BIA analysts pore over management communications for answers that are evasive, incomplete, overly specific or defensive, potentially signaling anything from discomfort with certain subjects,  purposeful obfuscation, or a lack of knowledge." So what would the CIA conclude if they were cross-examining Jamie Dimon?

BIA Between the Lines: Risk? Forget About It: Jamie Dimon, Chairman & CEO, JPMorgan Chase & Co.

JPM’s European exposure is likely riskier than Mr. Dimon would like investors to believe.

Mr. Dimon is asked several questions about JPM’s exposure to Europe. While he provides and quantifies the company’s amount of exposure, his responses consistently reflect efforts to downplay the level of risk associated with that exposure, suggesting that the firm’s risk profile may be more aggressive than he would like to admit.

Specifically, when Mr. Dimon is asked what JPM’s exposure is to troubled nations, he answers it is about $15 billion net of collateral and ultimately acknowledges that the company could lose $5 billion. But Mr. Dimon is also quick to state that “we stress it,” “not because we’re taking a bet,” but they are “trying to manage exposure” in order to minimize concern about the level of risk associated with that exposure. This language, however, belies a sense that the company is taking a “bet” that they are “trying” to manage, suggesting that JPM may be taking on more risk than Mr. Dimon wants to admit. Further, Mr. Dimon states that “I’m not going to feel terrible” should the worst happen. This is likely a preemptive effort to downplay the severity of the financial impact should some countries default, suggesting that Mr. Dimon has concerns that losing money in Europe is more of a possibility than he would like investors to believe.

Further, when asked if it is possible to be completely sure that hedges with counterparties are truly effective, Mr. Dimon does not answer the question. He instead minimizes concern by explaining that “a lot” of the collateral is cash and that collateral that is not cash is not Italian or Spanish sovereign debt. These qualifications, however, suggest that there may be some portion of collateral backing these hedges may not be as effective as Mr. Dimon would like investors to believe.

More significantly, however, Mr. DImon emphasizes that “we know the exposure to every single counter party.” This statement is meant to assure investors that JPM is aware of their level of risk, but falls short of assuring that the level of risk is appropriate. Further, Mr. Dimon casually acknowledges that “yeah something could go wrong” but not “terribly wrong” in an effort to downplay the severity of both the level of risk, and the potential impact of default associated with JPM’s European exposure. This suggests that the potential for losses is more significant and tangible than he attempts to portray.

JPM may be increasing their European exposure more aggressively than implied.

When asked about the potential for buying assets and businesses from troubled European banks, Mr. Dimon begins his response by emphasizing, for the second time during the interview, that “First of all we really want Europe to recover.” While this statement is meant to be supportive of European banks, it also represents a potential “truth-in-the-lie” -- literally suggesting that JPM has a strong, specific interest in seeing the crisis resolved. This takes on more significance when Mr. Dimon’s acknowledges that JPM has purchased assets, but attempts to downplay the extent to which the company has done so by qualifying that there are “certain” assets and divisions, “some” that they have bought, “some” they have made bids on and did not get and “some” they are still evaluating. This effort to minimize JPM’s activity in seeking out and acquiring these assets raises questions about how much additional European exposure JPM has taken on in recent months and about the level of risk associated with that exposure.

Volcker rule may require JPM to significantly change their proprietary trading strategies and risk profile.

Mr. Dimon is asked if regulations will compel JPM to enter new businesses or cause them to exit others, Mr. Dimon tries to give the impression that JPM’s business lines and corporate structure will not change as a result of new regulations. However, his qualification that he doesn’t see “a lot” of change indicates he anticipates some change, and his emphasis that the “fundamental” jobs of a bank will remain the same suggest he likely anticipates more change than he implies. With this as a backdrop, Mr. Dimon’s response to a question about the Volcker rule is notable, particularly since the JPM’s proprietary trading function is in flux.

When asked more specifically about what the company will have to do when the Volcker rule is implemented and what the impact on the business will be, Mr. Dimon doesn’t fully address either question. Instead, he uses the opportunity to minimize the significance of, but also signal his concerns about, the impact of the rule on the business, a mixed message that indicates the consequences of this legislation are greater in magnitude than Mr. Dimon attempts to portray.

First, Mr. Dimon characterizes lower spreads as good for investors, as a natural byproduct of an efficient market and as nothing unusual. This is likely an attempt to minimize concern about the potential negative impact of lower spreads on the compensation in the trading business, but could also be an attempt to give the appearance of a balanced and fair position on the rule. Regardless, these statements signal that Mr. Dimon anticipates that implementing the rule will negatively impact traders’ incomes.

More significantly, Mr. Dimon then turns to complain about the government’s desire to regulate the level of risk associated with proprietary trading. His statement, “if you want to be a trader, you’re gonna have to have a lawyer and psychiatrist sitting next to you to determine your intent every time you did something,” is an attempt to cast such regulation as unduly burdensome, but is also reflective of an effort to discredit the rule by portraying it as ridiculous. This type of “attack” signals that the topic is a threat, suggesting that Mr. Dimon has significant concerns about the effects of the Volcker rule on JPM’s trading strategies. He also states that liquidity is good for investors, and tries to convince listeners that “unions, pensions, widows, retirees [and the] military” don’t want liquidity reduced in the market. By aligning himself with the  average American, Mr. Dimon is attempting to dismiss the need for regulation and create a “halo” around current trading practices, a psychological mindset that likely suggests he believes the level of risk taken to date may be higher than most observers would like to see. This effort to convince listeners that there is no need for regulatory oversight of proprietary trading suggests that Mr. Dimon has significant concerns that the Volcker rule could have a significant impact on the company’s trading strategies, operations and ultimately the risk profile of the business.

 

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Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:48 | 2443433 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Gee, he could do a swap with John Taylor, since they both seem to worry a lot about Europe.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:54 | 2443436 Colombian Gringo
Colombian Gringo's picture

What a lying sack of shit! Dimon is a great example of what is wrong with Crony Capitalism, USA Style.

 

This criminal needs to spend time in Rikkers, where he can be re-educated. Between Bubba, Sambo and Jose, I am sure they can give him a new identity, starting with a new name: Bitch.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:57 | 2443455 Colombian Gringo
Colombian Gringo's picture

Postscript, I would pay these guys to do him real hard, in the same way that Silver and Gold investors were and are ratfucked by JPM.  The hunter becomes the hunted, yeah I love it already....

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:39 | 2443604 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Which doesn't seem right is the fact that J.P. Morgan is a TBTF bank. All he had to do is get Helicopter Ben to dump Benny Bucks until the Morgue was made whole with no one none the wiser.

It just doesn't make sense... Unless, this was planned... HMMM?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:35 | 2443699 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

All things human eventually reach a limit.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 20:17 | 2443958 theTribster
theTribster's picture

Yeah, I agree with your thinking that maybe it was planned. They are involved in so many criminal activities already why bother to come clean on the trade? A few billion dollars is nothing to the Fed at this point, its a rounding error on a rounding error! I thought the exact same thing - this must be planned for some reason, I mean the guy is a Director of the NY Fed!

Maybe Jamie pissed on the wrong somebodies shoes and now he will become the sacrificial scapegoat for the banking industry? Just think of how much they can pile on if that was in fact the case, wow! Prison would be the ultimate sacrifice, but he would end up in a nice prison afterall and not a place like Rikkers where he belongs. White collar criminal my ass.

I decided to short JPM anyway, got in two days after the loss event was released. My hesitation was thinking "how could Jamie Dimon get screwed?" but then it became obvious this was bad so I jumped on. Happy so far with a distant stop if they change direction on me, I can get out and still make some cash. They will have to swing the price pretty far to shake me out and I think it is going much, much lower now that its obvious this trade is MUCH bigger than he said originally - I knew that as most people did.

Thanks to ZeroHedge for supplying me with much of the information needed to make that decision. I hate Jamie as well but I didn't want this trade to be based on hatred and the prayer that it would get worse, even though in this case and so far my instincts were right on. But again, thanks to ZeroHedge for opening my eyes into the world of JPMorgan and the other TBTF banks! Looks like I have to make a donation now -:)

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 23:22 | 2444345 RSDallas
RSDallas's picture

You are disgusting.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 01:44 | 2444511 macholatte
macholatte's picture

It wasn't planned. Dimon and cronies are a bunch of egocentric fuck-ups who have a smart ass answer for everything.  Banks aren't supposed to be traders! That's why they're called banks and not brokers or dealers or hedge funds. So the term bank as it applies to JPM (and others) is a subterfuge.

Break 'em up into a dozen pieces!  That's the only cure for this shit.

Mon, 05/21/2012 - 11:02 | 2447549 short-swap
short-swap's picture

In response to the somewhat rhetorical question posed in your second paragraph: perhaps jumping the gun on the stress-test results 6-8 weeks ago stirred the pot a bit too much and this is the reactionary splash on those finely-pressed pleats.

 

Or it's just Act XIII.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 09:25 | 2444906 Ranger4564
Ranger4564's picture

agreed.

this was clearly planned and the end game is? ... they want to bankrupt as many investors and savers as possible and they want to destabilize the banking system so we're fucked.  the present revelation is so they can con the sleepy peeps into believing this 'accident' cascaded to create the much larger catastrophe which is coming this summer, in line with defaulting nations, horrendous employment / consumption data, and no centralbank assistance.  this is the precipice of the planned collapse... everything upto now has just been psychological preparations for the bigcon... thatthe collapse was simply unavoidable... dumb luck,human error.

the problem with that excuse (last sentence) is that we are not that stupid so it's near impossible to accept that they are. they're just more evil and therefore more devious than us.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:10 | 2443744 malikai
malikai's picture

I must be the only one. Personally, I'd like to shake his hand for the fine work his firm has done for silver investors. I for one, greatly appreciate these prices. I'd hate to have to pay market for it or gold right now.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:10 | 2443813 Strike Back
Strike Back's picture

Seconded.  Yeah, I've broken through.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:03 | 2443465 Manthong
Manthong's picture

“I’m not going to feel terrible” should the worst happen

Thought bubble over head:  “Hell, no I won’t feel terrible.. After it all blows up, I will be sipping champagne on the beach of my island getaway counting the hundreds of millions in gold that I stashed away with the money I stole from you idiots.”

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:24 | 2443493 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

How to tell if Jamie Dimon is lying?
Answer: His mouth is moving and sound is coming out.

Now where is my $50,000 consulting fee.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:37 | 2443707 caconhma
caconhma's picture

Bill Clinton and the Congress destroyed America both politically, economically, and morally.

Back in 1930s, the Congress had guts to do something to protect America against Banking Mafia by passing the Glass-Steagall act separating commercial and Zionist mafia run "investment"-gambling banks.

As soon as the Glass-Steagall act has been repealed, it was just a matter of time before America would be destroyed. American was economically, financially, and legally subverted. This started an irreversible process of destroying America.

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:12 | 2443747 malikai
malikai's picture

That irreversible process began at least as far back as 1913, but some may argue it began in the Ghettos of Germany with the arrival of a certain Rothschild clan. Nevertheless, Clinton was just a puppet. Like all the rest since at least Kennedy, with various puppets before him.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 09:29 | 2444912 Ranger4564
Ranger4564's picture

i'm with you, the cesspool is much deeper and contains many more shitheads and scumbags.  eeww. ;-)

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:09 | 2443812 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

And Phil Gramm (R. Texas) had nothing to do with it? And his wife Wendy, the chair of the CFTC?

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 01:55 | 2444523 macholatte
macholatte's picture

If you really, really want to get technical, nearly everyone in the Congress (the Gang of 535) voted in favor of the repeal (90 Senate & 362 House). Byron Dorgan was against it but nobody would listen to him. That piece of shit Robert Rubin had Greenspan the Fool sucking his dick while Rubin was on Citi's payroll and he got $100M when he left the Treasury. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, was a world class bribe.

 

Gramm–Leach–Bliley Act  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gramm-Leach-Bliley_Act

 

 

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 23:25 | 2444348 RSDallas
RSDallas's picture

Stop with the Zionist bullshit.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 23:51 | 2444392 Treason Season
Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:50 | 2443439 ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

Jamie seems to be making the same bet that Corzine was in. The fact that these guys are so cocksure and yet getting choked is actually a good sign. It (maybe) shows that a 'fix' is only a maybe, rather than a sure thing?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:43 | 2443608 WillyGroper
Sat, 05/19/2012 - 22:36 | 2444222 theTribster
theTribster's picture

Major great find there. He was also interviewed by Max Kaiser at PressTV (On the Edge is the show). He has it figured out for sure, if people would listen to him they'd shit their pants and the grab he pitchforks and torches and head over to Blythe's place for a visit - Jamie as well.

Funny becuase she was a nerdy hoon when she came up with CDS in Boca Raton Florida, she has since changed considerably - funny what money can do. Of course, she sold her soul to the devil and doesn't even realize it.

We should probably feel sorry for her given then she'll be burning in hell for eternity [/sarc off]. Can we use the 'C' word? Women hate that word (don't blame 'em) so its appropriate to use it on Blyth the C

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:24 | 2443766 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

speaking of these two weasels together brings back my old sentiments about the about the whole MF Global mess. In this day of paper money measurements in trillions and quadrillions of dollars, why did not JPM just give back the paltry seeming 1.2 billion $ to the rightful owners instead of keeping it?  And why is this new  2 to 3 billion dollar loss something that couldn't be just papered over or swept under the rug?  It is obvious, especially after this new blow-up in their faces that the situation is very dire within the Morgue and therefore within all the rest who follow (take their cue from the actions of the Morgue).

These particular amounts of money must represent some of the scant real collateral held by the bank, and, therefore, are very very meaningful.  At the leverage rates involved, every billion in underlying assets, properly priced (as real customer funds are) represents, lets say, 40 to 100 billion in chips on the world wide craps table.

So, for every 1 billion (properly priced assets) acknowleged as loss, perhaps 40 to 100 billion is being swept under the rug or papered over. Perhaps the molehills are becoming mountains.

While I,m on this subject, I,d like to throw the recent face book IPO into the mix.  The IPO created a hundred billion $ new (though imaginary) leveragable wealth for the system.  With standard leverage rates, this probably represents a big cortizone shot into Atlas' aching shoulders.  However, considering that "Atlas" has been overly injected these past years, I believe it will do more damage than good - good meaning "aiding the miscreantes (Sorry MissCreant).

To continue my digression, Suckerberg and the Thief in Chief have friended each other and, no doubt, a healthy chunk of new campaign cash will be flowing from these newly rich Obama supporters.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:51 | 2443443 The trend is yo...
The trend is your friend's picture

Another bedtime story to read his curious daughter:  "How Jaimie Dimon (Daddy) bankrupted The largest bank in the US"

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 09:42 | 2444929 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

An outcome not only predictable but inevitable.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:53 | 2443444 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

The machines of the oligarchy need individuals who are good equivocators, who are skilled at telling half-truth's and 3/4 lies to keep the gears grinding up the little people, the wheel of fortune turning their way, at the expense of decency, liberty, justice, prudence, sanity.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:06 | 2443468 Rainman
Rainman's picture

excellent summary of the tactical mission of skull and bones by skull and bones.....kudos.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:06 | 2443613 Treason Season
Treason Season's picture

MK Ultra baby!


“The enemy has only images and illusions behind which he hides his true motives. Destroy the image and you will break the enemy. ”Shaolin Abbot to Bruce Lee, Enter the Dragon (1973)

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:54 | 2443445 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

I could have saved them lots of time and money... Jamie is a crook, a liar, a manipulator and the scum of the earth.  He, like his ugly cousin Blankfein, will destroy anyone and anything in pursuit of profit and personal wealth.  The country and the world would be better off if cretins like them were placed in the deepest hole in the filthiest 3rd word prison for eternity.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:41 | 2443641 Think for yourself
Think for yourself's picture

yeah, except yours is a general opinion, and theirs is a specific quantitative semantic analysis, which exposes how and to what end he misleads, obfuscates or lies on various topics. Really no difference at all.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:57 | 2443448 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

The last paragraph? That's also known as psychopathy:

"Psychopathy (/sa??k?p??i/[1][2] from the Ancient Greek ???? "psyche", -soul, mind and ?????, "pathos" -suffering, disease, condition[3][4]) is a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for the rights of others and the rules of society. Psychopaths have a lack of empathy and remorse, and have very shallow emotions. They are generally regarded as callous, selfish, dishonest, arrogant, aggressive, impulsive, irresponsible, and hedonistic. Despite this, psychopaths are often superficially charming and can be highly adept at manipulation. There is at most only a weak association between psychopathy and high IQ."

See what I mean? But hey, at least he's a "Brilliant Risk Manager". At least to somebody.

 

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 12:04 | 2445159 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

ArrestBobRubin:

Somehow psychopaths seem to end up in power. What's with that?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 13:55 | 2443454 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

EMOTIONAL IQ TEST

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:12 | 2443476 Rainman
Rainman's picture

I'm pretty sure #5 is passing gas

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:23 | 2443492 malikai
malikai's picture

Nah, 9 is definitely the "I just farted" face. Not sure about the others.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:52 | 2443538 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

#9 is the "Do you want me to swallow or spit this out" face

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:38 | 2443783 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Number 5 is the person in the elavator with 9.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:12 | 2443819 OpenThePodBayDoorHAL
OpenThePodBayDoorHAL's picture

#7 is "I think my ben-wa balls have disappeared upward"

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 23:04 | 2446328 Yohimbo
Yohimbo's picture

No. 4 is how the american public feels about bankers at this moment before moving to no. 2

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 09:07 | 2444878 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Actually, WB has crafted a tremendous sequence of someone doing the following;

Pictures 1 through 3 show this young woman conjuring up an SBD - a silent, but deadly fart that women for ages have adroitly blamed on any man standing around them.

Picture 4 is her loading up the sphincter to release the blast....

Picture 5 is her mid-blast, thinking it might be heard

Picture 6 is her using a woman's guile and facial expression to off-load the blame, soon to come

Picture 7 is her smelling the fart, and starting the ruse of blame....

Picture 8 is her identifying the patsy - which is Picture 9

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:01 | 2443457 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Any indication from their analysis that he's a candidate for extraordinary rendition?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:11 | 2443473 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Are you talking about making soap?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:05 | 2443646 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Not at all.  My concern is that Jamie's psychological profile may trigger a response from an increasingly fanatical police state out of control.

I'd hate to see him treated like the other patsies locked in Gitmo.

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:00 | 2443459 xela2200
xela2200's picture

I wonder what all of this is doing to their silver short.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:26 | 2443498 Hopeless for Change
Hopeless for Change's picture

it's working.  I thought that might be a fit for the 'broken window fallacy', but a more appropriate metaphor would be like side-swiping a brick wall to get your passenger side door handle fixed.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:00 | 2443460 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

I thought that the biggest clue was that his pants were on fire.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:03 | 2443463 navy62802
navy62802's picture

These banks are going to implode again.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:15 | 2443572 narnia
narnia's picture

I don't think the Fed will be able to preempt the next round of debt explosion.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:59 | 2443804 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I agree. And what a wonderful world awaits us as a consequence!

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:20 | 2443464 holdbuysell
holdbuysell's picture

Wonder what the BIA would say after analyzing the words of the US's 'finest' 535.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqmHXnryakA

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 21:23 | 2444025 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Meanwhile, Obama says eurozone crisis threatens world

US president wraps up G8 summit by saying more must be done to promote growth and job creation as a potential remedy.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:07 | 2443469 spine001
spine001's picture

Excellent analysis! People should always listen in this way to anything they hear. Critical listening skills are of paramount importance. Lying while telling the truth is a sophisticated art highly compensated in marketing and sales positions.

Until next time,

Engineer

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:20 | 2443474 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

This is extortion:

 

“unions, pensions, widows, retirees [and the] military” don’t want liquidity reduced in the market...

 

Translation: Threaten our bonuses and the stock market gets it.

The aforementioned groups hate the maggot bankers almost as much as I do and dimon sure the fudge doesn't give a damn about them either. Right now excess liquidity is forcing people to pay too much for stocks and bonds. The only beneficiaries are hedge funds, big banks, and overpaid execs.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:29 | 2443690 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

"...and the military."  THE MILITARY???  "... and the orphans" would have fit better in this weird list of folks who probably don't even know what reduced liquidity even means.  Did the word military just fly into his brain out of nowhere?  Where's my CIA decoder ring when I need it.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:49 | 2443793 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

I was going to give you a +1 but after a look at yer picture, best I could do was a break even.  If I had total recall I would remember where that picture came from.  Is it, perhaps, from the cover of facebook (suckerman's baby pic)?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:51 | 2443860 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

kuato should probably use one of those bags too. lulz

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:12 | 2443475 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

The derivatives market can be compared to the Earth experiencing a tectonic plate shift.

 

When it all unravels, the special interest groups overseeing the [Charter] will be exposed. For a short period of time, the group will live like fugitives on the run. Fatigue and time will become the demise of the Charter. During the last hours, I can only imagine the rapid brain pulses reminiscing of happy times the franchise brought to many in a humanitarian sense.  The last minutes will reflect on only the regrets in changing their philosophical beliefs to pleasure a few convincing individuals. Most people know who the convincing individuals are. Including myself, no one will say the names. These individuals are operating on borrowed time. In time, they will reveal themselves. That’s when the fun begins. Winks!

 

Just continue your everyday life, everything will work out in the end. Have a great weekend!

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:13 | 2443478 Be_Prepared
Be_Prepared's picture

If JPM was just playing with their own money and would blow just themselves up...... fine.  TBTF JPM wants to play fast and loose, without any hindrances, but then wants Mr. Taxpayer as his backstop when they fail....  He is lying, but he is laughing because, even when he fails and loses big, he wins.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:21 | 2443759 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I never met a man who could blow himself. But seemingly they do exist.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 20:15 | 2443956 lnardozi
lnardozi's picture

Why would he leave the house (other than to buy mouthwash)?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:14 | 2443480 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

I've read way too many articles recently, opining the difficulties Jamie Dimon has to face. That the gambling JPM have risked is due to FED policy etc blah blah blah

No one forced him. The guy is a slime ball. Brazen bullshitter of the highest order. Posterboy for arrogant banking fucks, that would turn over their grannies to make a buck.

As Taleb says, banks should be utilities, not casinos. They shouldn't be in the game. It's our money.

This is the start of the unwind, thankfully. Every cloud...

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:52 | 2443628 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

>>>>>>Posterboy for arrogant banking fucks, that would turn over their grannies to make a buck.

 

Do u mean to take them from the backside exit?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:20 | 2443488 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

I took the CIA's "take" as a literal take

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:24 | 2443494 Navymugsy
Navymugsy's picture

I sold my JPM Friday at a significant loss. Monday I buy the puts.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:48 | 2443527 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

From my experience owning both C and BAC at times over the years a combination of bleach and alcohol will remove the taint from owning shares in the dark-side. Wash with the bleach, drink the alcohol.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:26 | 2443769 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Your money went to a better place my friend...
INTO MY POCKETS THAT IS!
My puts are doing VERY well! Very well indeed!

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 20:41 | 2443978 Matt
Matt's picture

Based on FaceBook P/E, JPM should be worth around $300 per share. What gives?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:27 | 2443501 sudzee
sudzee's picture

A lot of time and money could be saved with a couple weeks of waterboarding.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:31 | 2443504 Max Fischer
Max Fischer's picture

 

 

Everything that Jamie Dimon says is being carefully scripted by Stephen Cutler, JPM's Chief Counsel and former Director of Enforcement at the SEC.  Two or three years after this blows over, another SEC lawyer will be appointed by Chase for a $10M+/year job, just as Cutler was.

That is, of course, if all the spots aren't taken by current members of the Department of Justice.  Wall Street has TOTAL capture of the US judicial system. 

MF

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:11 | 2443564 Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby's picture

But Max these sec and doj Apparatchiks are just public servants of the state you so ardently defend.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:54 | 2443631 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

More breaking news from Civis Mundane.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 14:30 | 2443507 pissing_excellence
pissing_excellence's picture

Sword Master: Become unpredictable, strike from your subconscious mind, let your moves flow out of your individual essence. Even the most masterful opponent will fall from a strike that has no history or reference. The moves created from your own individual unique essence may suprise even you.

Enjoy Saturday, bitchez

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:11 | 2443559 Yardfarmer
Yardfarmer's picture

JPM proprietary trading desk reserves $370+ billion. JPM estimated loss-$2 billion, more likely $15 billion.Not that much, you say. JPM derivatives exposure at least $70 trillion. BOA derivatives exposure $50 trillion. Goldman Sachs $44 trillion. Estimated total major US bank derivative exposure $392 trillion. Derivative markets begin inevitable implosion. April 12, 2012 China allows Yuan to float against US$ raising rates from .5% to 1.0 %. currency wars commence. Chinese goods in US$ will eventually double within 6 to 9 months. February, 2012-Russia and Japan sign bilateral trade agreements abandoning US$ exchange. Iran and India abandon petro dollar trade with unprecedented exchange of Au for oil. SWIFT bank exchange abandoned by BRIC nations, comprising 53% of international trade exchange as international means of settlement. US$ is a sinking ship. Your IRA ,401 K, retirement and pension funds are toast. Silver at fire sale prices for the last time. Back up the truck and load up. Only while supplies last! Au/ Ag in permanent backwardation.Buy arable land.Get out of urban centers. Forget Jaime Dimon. FED will raise interest rates after massive QE 3. 60% of US$ now overseas will flood back to US creating hyperinflation. Resulting massive social and civil unrest. Martial law.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:11 | 2443818 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

My mother has instructed me to apologize to you too. I'm sorry for blowing your mind out of the water. I promise not to do it again.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 19:10 | 2443887 mjk0259
mjk0259's picture

Almost everything small is made in China already, how are the number of Chinese goods going to double in 6 months?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 20:45 | 2443982 Matt
Matt's picture

I think s/he means the PRICE of imported Chinese goods will double over the next 6 to 9 months, not the quantity.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 23:31 | 2444359 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

L0L

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:05 | 2443561 Ricky Bobby
Ricky Bobby's picture

This is my measured analysis of Mr. "Demon" - If he speaks he is lying.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:09 | 2443563 W10321303
W10321303's picture

Real Good Article!   

He also didn't say, "Don't swap me for that blind Chinese guy, I know they will make me buy 24K Gold bullets for my execution."

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:32 | 2443592 tradewithdave
tradewithdave's picture

Based on Jim Rickards comments yesterday and then Bart Chilton's article the only question remaining is where does Billy Ray Cyrus stand on CDX IG9?  Obviously that whole "muppet" thing was classic CIA disinformation.  It's "mullets" that are back in fashion for Wall Street and the key question is can Jamie grow one on by the end of the third quarter or at least by election day? 

http://tradewithdave.com/?p=10351

 

 

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:35 | 2443598 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

random person:  thats the best thing to happen to the CIA since Tenet resigned.

CIA person: Tenet resigned?????

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 15:53 | 2443630 boooyaaaah
boooyaaaah's picture

So jpm created the fed
And now jpm and the fed are up to their
necks bailing out and investing in or shorting
socialist regimes

Money being used in first second and third degree
derivatives that rely on nothing

It seemed so simple at first
Give me the ability to create capital
and I will bring unending prosperity.

What it brought is a tangled web of deception.

With deceivers rising to the top.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:14 | 2443662 ZeroPoint
ZeroPoint's picture

Maybe they should replace him with Krugman.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:21 | 2443672 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

"JP morgan lose 2 billions may lead to 200 billions because of leveraged to 100x. OMG."

"Lehman Brothers lost a couple billion and it turned a 500 billion dollar bankruptcy. Leverage....it's all borrowed money. All these "bets" or trades are leveraged to 20x or 30x or 100x. To have a sudden conference call indicates panic. They don't have control, they can't unwind the position and the losses can keep growing."  http://forum.channelnewsasia.com/showthread.php?88812-JP-morgan-lose-2-billions-may-lead-to-200-billions-because-of-leveraged-to-100x.-OMG.&s=fac2421e26964e5540f8e3d4844d319c

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:32 | 2443695 q99x2
q99x2's picture

That lying sack of shit. Who would have believed it.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 16:36 | 2443703 woolybear1
woolybear1's picture

jaimie dimon: scumbag in chief

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 17:32 | 2443778 Anarchyteez
Anarchyteez's picture

A cynical mind solicits opinion, if this is an orchistrated first domino,
how bad can it get?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 18:59 | 2443869 RECISION
RECISION's picture

So how does that analysis tell us anything we didn't already know, or assume...?

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 19:05 | 2443879 kurt
kurt's picture

This process: Interpretive Sociopathology

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 20:51 | 2443988 General Debility
General Debility's picture
What happens to your brain if you keep gambling and stay in denial?

Just as we turn down the volume on a radio that is too loud, the brain adjusts to the overwhelming surges in dopamine (and other neurotransmitters) by producing less dopamine or by reducing the number of receptors that can receive signals. As a result, dopamine's impact on the reward circuit of a gambler's brain can become abnormally low, and the ability to experience any pleasure is reduced. This is why the abuser eventually feels flat, lifeless, and depressed, and is unable to enjoy things that previously brought them pleasure. Now, they need to screw the entire global economy just to try and bring their dopamine function back up to normal. And, they must gamble more and more and lie more and more than they first did to create the dopamine high - an effect known as tolerance.

One of the most effective way for people to realize they have a problem is either by hitting the WALL or going to jail. They are not capable of knowing actions have consequences as the need for more dopamine makes them terminally selfish until they go into rehab.

Sat, 05/19/2012 - 21:23 | 2444023 Alexandros
Alexandros's picture

The end of the world is near ...The ten plagues of Pharaoh “have been brought upon” the USA.

http://eamb-ydrohoos.blogspot.com/2010/02/ten-plagues-of-pharaoh.html

--------

It is the absolute tragedy for the USA. The former illegal immigrants had become the masters of their land; the ultimate masters...

Authored by PANAGIOTIS TRAIANOU

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 01:38 | 2444507 silverdragon
silverdragon's picture

The best way to get back at JPM is to keep buying physical silver. With its 10,000 industrial uses and its history of having been money longer than gold, is their any other choice?

Buy Silver and f*ck JPM, the sooner they implode the sooner the world is a better place.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 01:48 | 2444516 Coldfire
Coldfire's picture

Very cool analysis. It confirms in a delightfully even-handed and cerebral way what many of us have long suspected: that Dimon is a lying sack of durian monkey shit.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 02:18 | 2444547 silverdragon
silverdragon's picture

Macholatte

Agreed, break em all up into a dozen pieces and let them compete.

In China when you run a company and you need cash they let you, (the legal representative aka the Boss), put your personal property up as collateral and then they give you a loan. Interestingly, we all think a lot more about all decisions and are more careful and manage risk more intelligently.

Accountability is lost when companies become too big. When a decision makers net worth is one the line, they tend to make better decisions for workers, themselves and their country.

Maybe we can learn something from the communists.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 02:57 | 2444623 etresoi
etresoi's picture

Bring back Bill "I hate this job" Harrisson, who couldn't wait to have Dimon replace him.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 05:14 | 2444727 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Cia bloke - dimon, could you answer this as truthfully as you are able to sir.

Demon - yes

Cia bloke - are you aware just how much you and your cohorts are destroying the western world?

Deamon - no

Cia bloke - right, could you step out the interview room for a moment please.

Dimen - yes

Cia bloke to another cia bloke - fuck me pat, I fucking knew it, all this intelligence we gathered wasn't bollocks, you really do have to be a pathilogical fucking imbicilic cunt to work this high up in finance.

Other cia bloke - aye, he's a right inbred fuck stain mind isn't he? Might be his mother fed him with a catupult or kept dropping the demonic little bastard on his head eh? Trully we is fucked bitchez

:-)

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 06:04 | 2444747 silverdragon
silverdragon's picture

While the CIA bloke is at it could you ask him to put two in the back of Dimons head?

Would be a very patriotic act.

It would be fair.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 06:13 | 2444750 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Sorry dragon

I don't agree with you on this one. If we are expected to suffer for years, so should fuckhead demon.

Peel the fucker alive would slate my personal appetite. With one of them blunt things you use on apples mind, a rusty one thats got a lttle dog shit on it.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 09:08 | 2444880 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

"Martial law." to those on ZH WHO are waiting for Martial law..have you tried to fly recently, revoke citizenship, move funds out of USA?

HSA, TSA = Martial law, they just have not let the MSM call it that. military on your street is what you mean- that is FEMA's call. much like this economic depression as long as the media never prints it ( or like who exactly is OBUMA)the NWO feels safe to do as they please.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 12:03 | 2445154 dizzyfingers
dizzyfingers's picture

Didn't I read somewhere the leverage is 100:1... that adds up to a little more than losses claimed.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 12:20 | 2445184 fuu
fuu's picture

I listened to the call a few dozen times picking out samples. He slurs, he drones, he snorts at the end of sentences. He stumbles through the prepared statement. He sounded sloppy. Munger sounded more with it.

Sun, 05/20/2012 - 13:57 | 2445365 INMUDEELZIZ
Sun, 05/20/2012 - 23:27 | 2446361 silverdragon
silverdragon's picture

Inthemix96,

Can't argue with your logic, it makes so much more sense than my impulsive suggestion.

Mon, 05/21/2012 - 03:36 | 2446615 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Cheers silverdragon.

They do say great minds think alike.

:-)

Mon, 05/21/2012 - 06:14 | 2446717 silverdragon
silverdragon's picture

Inthemix96

Surely its just a matter of time before a few patriotic rogue spooks or special forces guys get together and do, what a great American once suggested, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."

It would be best if just the tyrants refreshed the tree of liberty and the patriots did the refreshing.

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