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What Should Jon Corzine's Hedge Fund Be Named?
Since over the past five years hedge funds are better known for coming up with ingenious names, than for actually outperforming the market (recall that "the aggregate hedge fund index is now significantly underperforming the S&P 500 (from both the top in 2007 and the lows in 2009"), we hereby wish to do the Honorable Jon Corzine a favor, and save him the money he would otherwise spend on an expensive naming consultant, by offering up the creative services of our audience in conjuring the name for his future hedge fund. So dear ZH readers, take it away, although keep in mind Long-Term Capital Vaporization LP appears to already have been taken by a patent troll (soon to be likely sued by YHOO).
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DIAF
Doing It Again Fuckers
Prostitutes Purse, LP
or
Gimme your money you fucking widow, LP
Dishonorable Discharge of NY Graft, LP
Coarse Swine LP
(MSF) Mupet sucker fund
Sign up today and get a 40% return by months end. We'll even throw in a spiderman towel absolutly FREE!
BGGR
Deposits Only Capital Managment
"Money Mine" What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.
V.A.N.I.S.H.
Virtual
Anonymous
Naked-Shorting
Is
So
Hot
Vapoorized!
Aand....it's gone!
The Nothing.
The there is so many posts that I doubt this one will get noticed so I'm not even going to try fund.
C.O.R.Z.I.N.E. Asset Management
Complete
Orifice
Raping of
Zealous
Investors
Never
Ends
Perpetual Presidential Immunity Fund LLC...
Fahrenheit 451 Capital
AYMABTU
All Your Muppets Are Belong To Us
Black Knight Massacre Fund
BKMF
Bath Salts LLP
Motherfucking Peregrine Global!
POOF
Only POOF, nothing else. All it signifies is that your money is gone. Doesn't stand for anything.
Paying Out Non-Zero Interset, So Come All Muppets
Rehypo-Distressed Segregated Master Fund LP
How about:
Maelstrom Capitol;
Abyssal Investments;
Black Hole Equity;
Three-Card-Monty Inc.
Quicksand Partners;
Vapor Assets;
Sinkhole Group;
Hotel California Investors;
Muppet Management Co.; or
P.T. Barnum and Associates?
This is fun!
Shame On Me Investments (as in "fuck me once shame on you, fuck me twice shame on me")
BOHICA
I'd just fucking call it 'Robot Trader' or 'Million Dollar Bonus'...
But that's just me...
Gone in 60 seconds LP
Rehypothecation Total Return Fund
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
Time is almost up. Complete and total worldwide economic collapse is on our door step.
The only thing we're doing right now is playing the political game. If you don't play you can't win, and the only way you can win is by changing the rules, which is what I am doing. Think Kobayashi Maru.
We're just paving a new path to possibly fix our country.
Why not just call it MF Global again? The muppets love repetition and things they recognize.
MFG - Muppet Fleecing Grinder
OK, just fucking around with you.
I'm taking a 3 week vacation so you'll not hear my antagonistic mind for a while.
You'll have to think for yourselves.
See you in about three weeks, and that was just a psy-op test to see if your were paying attention.
You were.
the
new
normal
fund
The end of the freakin road.
Welcome to Corzine's Island.
ROFL @ Quicksand Partners.
Slain Capital.
me? call it The Fed.
Ticker FNK
(F)uct
(N)ot
(K)issed
Or:
Phlim-Phlam
Our
Nitwit
Zilch
Investors
So
Come
Here
Everyone--
Muppets
Everywhere!
Too easy:
The Caveat Emptor Fund
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
EL OH EL
+10
BOFJ.A
Bend Over For Jon. Again
Okay so I have to ask (been reading for a year or so, first comment), where/how did the "Are belong to" verbiage come to be? First few times I saw it I thought we had an ESOL reader making a simple grammatical error, but I'm starting to feel that I'm missing something here...
It came from a video game. According to Wikipedia "The text comes from the opening cutscene of the 1991 European Sega Mega Drive version of the video game Zero Wing[1] by Toaplan, which was poorly translated from Japanese."
The full text is "All your base are belong to us". You can search on that phrase in your browser for a more complete explanation.
All your base are belong to us!
+1
Not a day goes by when I don't learn something from ZH.
I thought "all your ____ are belong to us" was just something stupid AnAnonymous said in one of his tirades against American citizenism.
Oh no.......it's totally real actually.
Okay so I have to ask (been reading for a year or so, first comment), where/how did the "Are belong to" verbiage come to be? First few times I saw it I thought we had an ESOL reader making a simple grammatical error, but I'm starting to feel that I'm missing something here...
There was an "Aliens Attack" type computer game (was it on the TRS-80?) in the old days that had the line: "All your base are belong to us."
Aaand It's Gone, Bitchez (AAAIGB)
AIG (And It's Gone) Capital Mis-Management LLC
Dang! Now that's got me wondering??? AIG...hummm? Already taken? Hummmm?
Where's my money, bitch?
I hope I never see that motherfucker walking on the street.
I think he just signed his own execution order...I'll bet some highly inflamed former customer is going to extract a little frontier style justice...
darned thing posted twice
I Didn't Steal This Capital
Corzine'd and Corzine'd Vaporfunds, Inc.
Perpetual Presidential Immunity Fund LLC is quite good but it still doesn't convey enough disdain for he public he clearly has, nor does convey enough sense of audacious corruption.
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
C.O.R.Z.I.N.E. Asset Management is the winner!!!
DKMF Capital
Didn't Kiss Me First
MF Corzine
Mother
Fucking
Coming
out
raping
zeroing
investments
now
evaporated
"C.O.R.Z.I.N.E. Asset Management
Complete
Orifice
Raping of
Zealous
Investors
Never
Ends"
I read all 8 pages of names. You win! +1 (rehypothecated to eternity)
lol
EATMEBEATMELICKMEFUCKMESUCKMEMUPPETS. Ltd
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
Now you're just fucking spamming. WTF are you trying to accomplish?
I-DK-WTMW
I Don't Know Where the Money Went.
or just I-DK (I dick), for short
M(uppet) V(aporizer) G(lobal), if it's not patented by the squid...
Connection Lost
VaporTrail Investment Fund...
for the High Flier...& those who luv life on the edge.
see you Next Tuesday
Your My John and you've been Corozoned Fund
Houdini Asset Management
Guaranteed to vanish your capital in no time.
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
PTGMT
Pay today, get money tomorrow...
Corzine the Muppet Slayer
Prison Partners Fund, LP
Catch Me If You Can Fund
Moral Hazard Repo LLC
SWAG
Securities Withheld Against God
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
WTF is your obsession with cunt hair and obama?
go get a drink or something.
...perfect account, Frozen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgJeTwZjZF0&feature=related
Are you my exhusband?
One Way Street Capital. Ticker: OWS
And Its Gone Capital
To bad AIG is taken.....And It's Gone
Corzine Advantage Plus
Dimon Deferred Retirement Partners
JCFML
CorZinga
Swindler's List. If you're on the list of his clients.
Fraud You Leant Funds, NP (Non Prosecutable)
ori
He needs a theme song. Keys, flute, and tabla maybe?
Rikers Island Paradise.
I vote for this theme song since it is a march through the devastion.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cufG2Dlxvk&feature=related
;-) Indeed...
"Reneged Schizo"
Anagram of "Corzine's hedge"
I'm voting for evil vs a cunt hair's less evil, I'm voting for Obama.
Jimmy Cliff - I can see clearly now (the money's gone)...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HagzTRmUBIE
I would not sully Jimmy Cliff with Mr. Corzine.
I agree. Something more aggressive. How about this one:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVTsBaqiNIg&feature=related
even this manic Kiss Off might be too good actually. Still...not only do they "do it all the time"...they still do.
Corzine Capital Condenser Opportunities
All Your Funds Are Belong To Corzine (AYFABTC) or (ABC)
MCP2JD: Make Check Payable to Jamie Dimon
Collectivist Global. Your money is our money. We're all in this together except I am in charge.
ANROC
Absolutely No Return Of Capital
Almost sounds like Enron.
But I doubt anyone would make the connection. Investors have short memories these days.
SIASD
Stupid Is As Stupid Does
Sounds real "official", like one of those alphabet govt agencies. Investors love anything that sounds "official".
JPM Asset Management
Why not? It all ends up there anyway. Investors love anything with JPM in the name. Real confidence builder.
DAM Asset Management
Dumb Ass Muppets
Self explanatory. ...or should be.
STS Fund
Shear The Sheep Fund
Reminds investors of the space shuttle. Real patriotic and all that bullshit. Investors love that sort of shit too.
I just thought of something. Corzine isn't the problem. Investors are the problem. Dumbass investors with short memories who go for any "official" or "patriotic" nonsense waved in front of their noses.
I have no sympathy for them. They deserve to lose every fucking dime they have.
Bulletproof Investments
Teflon Jon
Sayonara Capital
The Japanese trading branch? Nice one.
Theft Inc.
Immunity Capital, LLC
Comes with a "Get out of Jail Free" card from Eric Holder.
Dracula Fund, NLP
(Drive A Stake Through The Heart, Still Won't Die) No Liability Partnership.
Jew Mad?
The Cornzined Fund
Holder's Holdings, LP
PIG SHIT LLC esquire
Jon "CornHole" Fund.
John Corzine's Honourable: Bowel Universal Movements or BUM for short.
...
Commingling
Only
Retarded
Zuckers
Investments
N
Europe
MENSA Capital
"For people who are too smart for their own good"
Ph: 1-800-UR2-DUMB
RAWHIDE (NL)
Bend Over The Hedge Fund aka
"The BOTH Fund"
Where your money is both good and lost...forever
California Public Employees' Retirement System
Aaaand It's Gone LLC.
Be sure to read our fine print below before our divesting, Eeerr, we mean, your investing.
The federal appeals court ruled yesterday that not only does BNYM stay at the front of the line, but that using Muppets segregated funds as collateral is NOT a crime, and that if were co-mingling Muppets segregated funds with proprietary funds is NOT fraud.
…
What this means is that even if I'm somehow dragged into court by private citizens, because you know damn good and well that the Justice Department will never, ever touch me, I now have a legal precedent, likely from some bribed or otherwise coerced Federal Appeals Court, explicitly stating that an FCM can use suckers deposits to pay its debts, and that the Muppet's themselves are subjugated and have basically no legal right to their own monies, no matter what the law says, obviously, we don't honor legal assurances, claims or guarantees made to Muppet investors about their funds held with an FCM or any other brokerage or depository institution. The “secured” Demi God at the front of the line will always be JP Morgan mega-bank who made the fraudulent loan using the stolen Muppets funds as collateral. Other than that, your money is in good hands. Let's start investing Muppets!
-Jon Corzine
AIG-LLC.
And here we have our summary prospectus.
Department of Justice Retirement Fund
Graboid LLC
BORHPF (sounds like barf) Bundling Obama Re-Election High Performance Fund
Who ever junked you should be slapped anyway my name would be Theft Unlimited
BOHICA Partners LLC
new fund name: DEWEY CHEATEM AND HOW FUND
NLC . . . No Lube Capital
John Sterling Capital
"It is high, it is far, it is... GONE!"
Vacuum Capital
. . . And have Donnie on the commercial:
"Donnie says vacuum."
MFU-LOL
Muppet Fund Universal, Liability Off Load
JI Capital Management LP
(Joe Isuzu, just being nostalgic)
Taken
I was going to suggest OTT, for Our Thing Trading, but I heard from the copyright lawyers for The Costra Nostra and they didn't want to be associated with Jon.
Hummm....
Is blind and deaf mute flipper hands orphan baby raper, LLC
taken?
I don't see it in the business search, but the domain name is registered to a Dimon, J in New York City.
Wanker Fund
STMA
Speak To My Attorney
an S Corp
Corz-Holed . . .
Oh wait, that would be a motto . . .
And It's Gone Advantage Fund LLP
And It's Gone Advantage Fund LLP
Obama Super Pac, LP
Brigadoon lp, bitchez
It should be called "The Honorable Fund".