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What Should Jon Corzine's Hedge Fund Be Named?
Since over the past five years hedge funds are better known for coming up with ingenious names, than for actually outperforming the market (recall that "the aggregate hedge fund index is now significantly underperforming the S&P 500 (from both the top in 2007 and the lows in 2009"), we hereby wish to do the Honorable Jon Corzine a favor, and save him the money he would otherwise spend on an expensive naming consultant, by offering up the creative services of our audience in conjuring the name for his future hedge fund. So dear ZH readers, take it away, although keep in mind Long-Term Capital Vaporization LP appears to already have been taken by a patent troll (soon to be likely sued by YHOO).
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Let's keep it simple: Don't Expect Your Money Back
Caveat Emptor Capital...
How about The Cunt Fund?
Everything else seems like a lie.
Beat me to it. Damn.
I thought the Latin had a nice gladitorial ring to it.
Runner up.
Roach Capital. NLP (No Liability Partnership)
Where your funds check in...but they don't check out.
"Margaritaville" or "Friends of Barry"
And-It's-Gone Ultra Short-Term 40X Inverse Capital Muppet Fund NLC (No Liability Corporation)
PrinciPunked
Comingled Capital
Awesome.
Comingled Capital Advantage
San Quentin State Prison Partners
Haha, I was thinking Mingle Mingle Capital. I like yours better.
Muppet 3x
AKA the leveraged Muppet ETF fund. Triple leveraged bets on Goldman's client recommendations.
Romp'em Screw'em and Lose'em!
AIG: Annnnd It's Gone
Beat me to it. I win though because AIG is already taken mutha fucka! Haha.
CorPonzi Fund
CorPonzi Premier Fund
CorPonzi Elite Fund
A fund to fit your needs.
Black Hole Capital
Event Horizon
Singularity
Schrodinger's Fund
The money exists in all states* until you look.
*(there, gone, hypothicated, pledged, dis-allocated, muppetized, coke and hookers, bundled, etc.)
...nice, VegaBOND.
Muppet Slayer LP
I Can Do Whatever The Fuck I Want And Will Never Get In Trouble And Will Always Be Bailed Out LP
TaxPayers Get The Risk, You Get The Return LP
Friends in High Places LP
Obama Sucks My Cock LP
Too Big To Jail LP
Goldman Sachs Rules The World LP
Banzai, we need some logos!
Heads I win. Tails you lose.
I like it.
POOF.
homo
Hardly.Its an acronym;
Politically Orchestrated Organised Fraud.
Here 2Day, Gone 2Morrow
"the Fuck You Fund"
(King George III would be so proud.)
Evaporato Capital
Global MF
Crony Capital Management, L.P.
Asset allocation:
25% Congressmen bribes and payoffs
25% Senators bribes and payoffs
25% Lawyers, Attorneys, Auditor bribes and payoffs
25% Outcall services
Dog's Hind Leg Fund.
Corzined Funds Unlimited
The RRRRRRRH Fund.
The ReReReReReReRehypothecated Fund
P. T. Barnum Fund
Oh oh, take me Jon. I'm the next sucker investor in line.
Please?
MoFo Global Capital LLC
STCM
Shart Term Crapital Mismanagement
LOL!!
"I think I just sharted"
Need an advertising image expressing shock, outrage and dismay.
VAPR
With help from Paulsen, for an extra reaming, VAPR Advantage.
For lube, use VAPR Advantage Plus.
Dry Keester Pump Fund
Corzined Cornholio Capital
Can I get a reach around with that cornholio please?
Make that to go!
Winning!
M*ther F*cker Global.
Keep it simple, keep it real.
Nine Lives Capital
Thank God I still have one more left.
Take me Jon. I come pre-greased.
How about...
LMAO (Leveraged Managed Assets Only)
(Of course Jon-boy and his buddies can chuckle in private about the double entendre.)
OMFG - Obvious Massive Fraud Game.
Corzine ---The Muppet Slayer.
The wonder fund.....you open your statements and wonder where the money went.
Third Times the Charm
Sandusky Capital
Quantum Multiplier
The "Give Me Your Fuckin' Money" Fund
The "What's Yours is Mine" Fund
Corzine - "Twenty for me, none for you. Sounds fair.....doesn't it?"
"Didn't Steal That Capital"
LOSS GUARANTEED Fund
OR
TAXPAYER MUPPET Fund
http://www.marketoracle.co.uk/Article35345.html www.letstalkmoney2012.in
Pocket Cleaners Brothel & Laundromat
Fool Me Twice Fund
Correction - Thrice (He was a senator and governor as well - wait, quad!)
AAAAAAAAAAAND IT'S GONE CAPITAL (AIGC)
Vaporzine Malinvestment
The "Hand Over Your Money" Fund
First Fund offering = Black Hole I
Vapour Finance
The "Jamie Dimon Said It's His" Fund
MMM
If it worked in Russia, certainly it will work here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MMM_(Ponzi_scheme_company)
(my first investment at the age of 8 by the way. I learned early :) )
I feel like i'm giving away million dollars worth of advice, but what the heck... instead of
"An important factor in the scheme's success was word of mouth, but most of the company's success came from its extremely aggressive ad campaign, which appealed to the general public by using "ordinary" characters that viewers could identify with. The most famous of them, a "folk hero" of early 1994, was Lyonya Golubkov. Another notable marketing effort was a giveaway of free Metro trips to all Moscow citizens on a particular day."
... he should do a free hamburger day?
speaking of free stuff and investing
"A crowd of bargain-hunting motorists jammed a northwest Atlanta gas station Thursday, queuing up for a gas giveaway sponsored by a couple of local credit unions."
http://www.ajc.com/news/atlanta/motorists-line-up-for-1500566.html
Avoided Buttfuck LLP
You guys already have it!
As in "Zero" return.
"Trust Me Capital"
Honest Jon's Trust Advantage Comingled Fund
The "Ahahahahaha, I Robbed You" Fund
RATHOLE REDUX Partners LP.
Den of Thieves, Cocksucker Capital, Without Lube, Stealer's-R-Us, Ass Pounders, Flight of Capital, Rigged Casino, Glitchy Software, Hide-n-Seek. I could go on all day but I have to get back on my wheel.
Unchained Capital
Bendover
Great minds...
Curse your fast fingers!
Corzine Rapid Asset Protection (better known as "CRAP").
Steal Capital.
Nice bold name that fits intent.
Paulson Advantage LLP
Ben Dover, LLP
The "You're Broke, I'm Rich" Fund
The Presidential Fund Raiser Protection fund.
Falling Knife Credit Opportunity Fund Ltd
Zero Sum(s)
Adios Dinero...
And up thread, I love some of those symbols: POOF, & VAPR
Priceless...
Corzines Rate Adjusted Ponzi - The C.R.A.P. Fund
Vapor Capital Return-Free Risk Fund
Moorfields Capital
(Moorfields - famous London eye hospital. Good at putting peoples eyes back in)
I Haven't Long for This Mortal Coil Fund.
ATF as in Anal Traded Fund
Crater, Judge & Corzine
Zerohedge is already taken?
How about: Worthless Sovereign Hedge??
The "Fuck You, You're Stupid" Fund
As I could not post here for whatever reason, my copy-paste form other Corzine thread:
I think a good idea is to call it "Hitler did nothing wrong", if some soft drinks company does not protest against violating their intellectual property.
Fiat Liquidators
The Seventh Seal
Meus Scelestus Inceptum Inc.
Or M.S.I. Inc for short
OHKEEETHOS , INC.
1° rehypothecation gangbanged.
2° Whiteshark bellyup.
3° Madoff's eternalenvy.
Bendover Capital Fund
I think it should be called Corzine's "Sorta-Segregated" Fund
"The I didn't know anything" fund.
The "Shove It Up Your Ass" Fund
Muppet Slayer LLP
Pair of Dices, ZLC (Z as in zero)
Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe
Corzine & Accomplices
Bring Us To The Future USA Captain Kenyan Hedge Fund
The "It's NOT Your Money" Fund
Uugghh? What Money? LLP
Preparation 'H' Partners LLP
"The easy way to shrink your ass-ets!"
Pound Uranus Partners LLP
The "You're A Dumb Fuck" Fund
'Robbem & Leggitt Asset Sublimation'
Sublimation - a phase transition (usually very rapid) between solid and vapour, without ever being liquid as an intermediate stage.
All Your Money Are Belong To Us, LLP.
FIST
IPIS-NTIR-ARP
I Play It Straight, Now That I'm Rich, After Robbing Proles
Broken Trust
Pucker Phund
This Time Is Different
And how!
The "Cockzine Super Fucker" Fund
Event Horizon, LLC
sorry, already there...instead
Floating Point Underflow, LLC
FIFO, LLC (first in, first out)
Singular Point Financial, LLC
MF Corzine
SCHRODINGER CAPITAL MANAGEMENT
A MARTINGALE FUNDS COMPANY
Amaraper
Robber
Goldman Scum
Hopium Fund
Ticker symbol - ARGH
CRF - Corzine Retirement Fund or GCF - Guesswhom Corsine Funds
I Will Steal From You and You Will Not be Able to Do a Single Thing About It LLC.
The "Johnny's Got A Gun" Fund
Dead Man Walking Fund.
I assume that's geared at the investors vs. the manager, otherwise it would be called the "Free Man Skipping and Laughing Fund"
My thoughts exactly. He's not really a free man. Give it a few weeks and the guy wishes he was bunking with Bubba.
3M Mashing Muppets Money
HOPE
T.H.I.E.F. The honorable evil illiquid fund.
LOL Capital Management
Muppet House Investments
Money on Fire Partners
AIG for Aaaaand It's Gone.
Keynesian Endpoint Fund.
Based on the philosophy of renowed economist Keynes, all invested assets will be spent into the economy to stimulate aggregate demand.
The "Jon Cockzine Fucks You" Fund JCFU