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What Was Not Said During Jamie Dimon's Media PR Campaign

Tyler Durden's picture


Today's Meet The Press PR damage control campaign orchestrated on behalf of Jamie Dimon by the fawning press was just another attempt at redirection, in which a faux contrite Jamie Dimon promises that as a result of being '100% wrong' about his prior "Tempest in a Teapot" description of the Bruno Iksil debacle, he has learned his lesson, and in tried and true American fashion deserves a second chance. The rest was filler. What was not said is that the entire business model of the modern US banking edifice, where due to the Net Interest Margin limitations imposed by ZIRP, is one of prop trading as being a glorified hedge fund is the only way the banks can generate a rate of return above their cost of capital.

  • What was also not said was the glaring lies by Blythe Masters from a month ago who swore up and down to CNBC that JPM does not engage in prop trading: "We have offsetting positions. We have no stake in whether prices rise or decline"
  • What was also not said is that contrary to "conventional wisdom" where a few prop traders have been sacked (most likely due to not taking enough risk) prop trading is alive and well across Wall Street, even if it has been largely rebranded as 'flow trading' - just as the high freaks are scrambling to come up with a new name for HFT because that will make all the difference.
  • What was also not said, nor discussed, is why anyone would trust or invest in these money center banks when their balance sheets are so opaque, even their apparently clueless CEOs flip-flop within a month on what is really happening, with accounting standards so poor, that nobody can figure out what they are investing in, and why Mark-to-Market is still halted (Aren't banks finally quote unquote healthy?).
  • Finally, the most important thing not said, was Glass-Steagall, the one law whose overturning allowed the commingling of deposits and hedge fund activity courtesy of Gramm-Leach-Bliley, hilarious called the Financial Services Modernization Act of 1999. If America is to have even a remote hope of returning to normalcy, Glass-Steagall has to be reinstated. Which is why nobody brought it up on MTP: neither the anchor who is accountable to an organization which needs the status quo for advertising revenues, nor the hungry for TV exposure senator, nor the DCF-expert access journalist. Nobody.

Luckily America's population - at least the part which realizes that nothing has changed for the better, and that fundamentally things have continued deteriorating, especially when removing the central planners' crutches - is becoming increasingly more educated and realizes just how much it is being lied to by prominent bankers, on prime time TV, in a process that further destroys any residual credibility of the status quo. And for those curious what happens when the last ounce of faith in a failing system disappears, we have one word: Europe.

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Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:50 | 2421797 cristo
cristo's picture

I just heard a rumor over the grapevine regarding bankruptcy of attorneys being brought into meetings RE JPM.. I cannot tell you if this rumor is true.. We will find out on Sunday. http://youtu.be/A9l4bN-e1T0

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:55 | 2421812 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh Really!?!?!?!?!

Which one of thier counterparties went belly on whom that have a bazillion dollar CDS claim and are wooried about recovery?

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 21:31 | 2422486 slewie-the-pi-rat
slewie-the-pi-rat's picture

Meet the Press

nah, more like

 Meet the Fcking Monkey hosted by monkey man himself and his cast of chimps

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 01:19 | 2422791 monoloco
monoloco's picture

"Fawning press", no shit, Friday on Bloomberg was like a fucking Jamie Dimon love fest as they paraded out one apologist after another.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:18 | 2421873 HD
HD's picture

Never gonna happen. JPM will be around long after mushroom clouds dominate the skyline and zombie Jamie will be feasting on glowing cockroaches.


Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:50 | 2421964 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I don't see how you could be wrong.  Jamie need only pick up the phone and order up a few billion more from The Bernank.  Yes, super-size it, problem solved.  Oh yes, and don't forget that the replacement money will be counted as income to JPM which will end up in bonus checks in no time.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:01 | 2421989 Joe The Plumber
Joe The Plumber's picture

JPM was the Fed before the Fed was the Fed

And still is

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:27 | 2422067 HD
Sun, 05/13/2012 - 18:54 | 2422256 Deathtothecreature
Deathtothecreature's picture

Nicely Done

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 20:45 | 2422436 Rahm
Rahm's picture

A few billion from the berank won't help this one... not this time.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 19:12 | 2422286 AmCockerSpaniel
AmCockerSpaniel's picture

It does not have to come to that. It's the MSM that is the weak link. Get them off the money take, and back to looking out for the people. That would really be half the battle. No corrupted MSM, and then no more mind control of the voters.

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 20:42 | 2425369 yomama91274
yomama91274's picture

Really tough to understand these commentators with Jamie Dimon's dick in their mouths.


Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:59 | 2421802 Cursive
Cursive's picture

I refuse to waste my time watching any of this crap (but thankful ZH does it for me and for posterity).  Skip the filler and go straight for the killer -- ZeroHedge.


ZeroHedge: (n.) The financial media's 800 pound gorilla with a chainsaw for a penis.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:58 | 2421827 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Let er' rip baby.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:16 | 2421866 wisefool
wisefool's picture

Tyler Durden: [to the police chief] Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us.


As far as Tyler's excellent current post. That douchebag anchor (David Gregory) is married to a very high level executive at Fanny/Freddy. Everybody talks their book. and is tripple dipping.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:20 | 2421880 HD
HD's picture

I would not want to meet Mrs. 800 pound gorilla...

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:51 | 2421803 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Nothing Yanks like more that a story of the "king of WS"  falling from grace and his redemption.

Now if Janie Dimon found god, as part of his "second chance" they would crown him president and king of the world tomorrow.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:57 | 2421817 Cursive
Cursive's picture


It's not just Yanks, but - like everything - we do it harder and greater than anybody else.  There is very little moderation in the American character. 

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:04 | 2421836 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture


But yanks are particularily enamoured of those who as part of their redemption tour find god. 

Look at "W".....it is like as soon as someone has found the "lord" nothing counts prior to that finding.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:24 | 2421889 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Religion is cheaper than dope.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:55 | 2421969 malikai
malikai's picture

I beg to differ.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 20:24 | 2422404 Drachma
Drachma's picture

Not for religious addicts.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:29 | 2422079 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Redemption is practically required for anyone in the public eye. If you're a politician who screwed up, you find Jesus. If you're a movie star who screwed up, you go into rehab.

The American public is especially entertained by religious celebrities who fall from grace and then make a tearful, televised plea for absolution. Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker come to mind, but there have been many others.

Q: Why did they spell their last name with two K's?

A: Because three would have been too obvious.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 19:32 | 2422326 Mayer Amschel R...
Mayer Amschel Rothschild's picture

That's God with a capital G; get that straight you heathen Cunts.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 23:22 | 2422638 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

"Paris is well worth a Mass" - sorry, the French beat us to that redemptive tactic some time ago.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:59 | 2421820 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

They already have Warren and former IMFer Johnson asking for resignation as part of the pretend control demolition of TBTF.

This strikes me as a make-over attempt so the public can have the illusion of a victory.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:07 | 2421849 THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

LOL @ Janie Dimon

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 23:55 | 2422737 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Lizzy sez:

Now if Janie Dimon found god, as part of his "second chance" they would crown him president and king of the world tomorrow.


Naw lizzy - he wouldn't want to take the pay cut.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:53 | 2421807 QuickDraw007
QuickDraw007's picture

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Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:03 | 2421838 brewing
brewing's picture

fling your poo much...

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:30 | 2421903 Marginal Call
Marginal Call's picture

Your site is rubbish for housewives.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:53 | 2421810 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

That smug looking cocksucker....he better have body guards cause something bad is bound to happen to him and his kind very soon...
I'm just telling ya....

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:27 | 2421894 Joe The Plumber
Joe The Plumber's picture

And on an unrelated topic a basic sniperscope and mossin nagant rifle combo can be had for around two hundred bucks. A 440 case of russian surplus ammo is about a hundred bucks

7.62 X 54 is a very nice rifle round

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:03 | 2421991 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Useful info....cheers

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:24 | 2421813 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Glass-Steagall too arcane for our modernized world. As is honesty and accountability....

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:55 | 2421814 QuickDraw007
QuickDraw007's picture

Great article..  It is going to be very hard for us as a country to break apart the Good Ol Boys club that we are seeing presently in the upper echlon..

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:42 | 2421947 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

    They're self-destructing on their [TBTF's] own! For God's sake - Chinas' CB is now in a race to the bottom with the FRB [ZIRP] to see who can print faster and deeper to maintain the illusive 'Hegemony Crown'. The rest of the globe knows what's happening with Americas' Fiat, except 'We the People", with Basel III being trashed here, and a`broad,... staring down from the Great Wall? 

     I'll put my fiat on China with 1.5bn ppl., which by the way if we turned the clock backwards are perhaps in the 3rd or top-half of the 4th inning of a 'obsolete-hard-to-let-go' 19th & mid 20th century american industrial age. Ironically, the U.S. service sector that now makes up ~75% of growth will soon metastasize into the entire exported economy.

      The 'Good-ol-Boys' never left the country, they were always 'Loyalist", wearing a two-sided hat!

Ps. Fantastic Post Tyler,   Thankyou :-)) 














Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:58 | 2421821 Cursive
Cursive's picture

This all reminds me of the great skit in "Chicago."  Even if you don't like musicals or Richard Gere, please watch this.  Sums up the media better than anything:



Sun, 05/13/2012 - 15:58 | 2421825 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Sun, 05/13/2012 - 17:13 | 2422026 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

  Fee Jon Corzine!

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 00:05 | 2422747 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Bumper Sticker of the Month!

Mon, 05/14/2012 - 07:27 | 2423034 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Teapot Dome(s)

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:00 | 2421830 W10321303
W10321303's picture

He forgot to say...."As long as I have Mr. Bo Jangles in my ass pocket, I can be the BIGGEST fraud in the world"

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:01 | 2421832 resurger
resurger's picture

MF Morgan 

JP Global

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:04 | 2421837 TrustWho
TrustWho's picture

Jamie Dimon will renew his faith in Jesus and run for president on a constitutional promise to pass an amendment that defines marriage as a relationship between male and female homo sapiens. His prime concern is some female getting a license to marry her male dog. When he announces, all will forget his crimes against western civilization.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:05 | 2421840 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Fuck the Lobbyists , Banks and the SEC. Hang the bitchezz and their families.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:05 | 2421845 reinhardt
Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:05 | 2421847 rebelscum1967
rebelscum1967's picture

ZH bringin' the monkeyhammer for the Mourge! Live long and prosper ZH. 

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:07 | 2421848 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

I agree with sentiment towards big banks taking huge positions IFF taxpayers get stuck with the bill. But regulations are made by politicians who have their agendas and don't really care about the economy. My fear is that they will screw it up AGAIN! Dodd-Frank is idiotic legislation and needs to be undone and done CORRECTLY this time. We know what to do.


Just don't over react. And letting Socialist nitwits like Trumka and Warren drive regualtion is insane.

Sun, 05/13/2012 - 16:26 | 2421897 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Total reset or total fail. Screw anything in between

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!