This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

The "World's Largest Prop Trading Desk" Just Went Bust

Tyler Durden's picture





 

A month ago we warned that JPM's CIO office is nothing short of the world's largest prop trading desk. Not only were we right, but what just transpired is just shy of our worst possible prediction. At the end of the day, the real question is why did JPM put in so much money at risk in a prop trade because we can dispense with the bullshit that his was a hedge, right? Simple: because it knew with 100% certainty that if things turn out very, very badly, that the taxpayer, via the Fed, would come to its rescue. Luckily, things turned out only 80% bad. Although it is not over yet: if credit spreads soar, assuming at $200 million DV01, and a 100 bps move, JPM could suffer a $20 billion loss when all is said and done. But hey: at least "net" is not "gross" and we know, just know, that the SEC will get involved and make sure something like this never happens again.

As for what we said before, we will just repost the whole thing as we were, once again, right.

From April13: Why JPM's "Chief Investment Office" Is The World's Largest Prop Trading Desk: Fact And Fiction

For the fiction, we go to JPM's conference call transcript where we had the following disclosures.

  • "I did want to talk about the topics in the news around CIO and just take a step back and remind our investors about that activity and performance. We have more liabilities, $1.1 trillion of deposits than we have loans, approximately $720 billion. And we take that differential and we invest it, and that portfolio today is approximately $360 billion. We invest those dollars in high grade, low-risk securities. We have got about $175 billion worth of mortgage securities, we have got government agency securities, high-grade credit and covered bonds, securitized products, municipals, marketable CDs. The vast majority of those are government or government-backed and very high grade in nature. We invest those in order to hedge the interest rate risk of the firm as a function of that liability and asset mismatch."
  • "We hedge basis risk, we hedge convexity risk, foreign exchange risk is managed through CIO, and MSR risk. We also do it to generate NII, which we do with that portfolio. The result of all of that is we also need to manage the stress loss associated with that portfolio, and so we have put on positions to manage for a significant stress event in Credit. We have had that position on for many years and the activities that have been reported in the paper are basically part of managing that stress loss position, which we moderate and change over time depending upon our views as to what the risks are for stress loss from credit. And I would add that all those positions are fully transparent to the regulators. They review them, have access to them at any point in time, get the information on those positions on a regular and recurring basis as part of our normalized reporting. All of those positions are put on pursuant to the risk management at the firm-wide level. They are done to keep the Company effectively balanced from a risk standpoint.... " Of course, when you own the regulators, it is not much of an issue... And would it be the same regulators who we have now confirmed don't understand the first thing about markets?
  • "The last comment that I would make is that based on, we believe, the spirit of the legislation as well as our reading of the legislation and consistent with this long-term investment philosophy we have in CIO we believe all of this is consistent with what we believe the ultimate outcome will be related to Volcker."

For the facts, we go to Bloomberg again, which was the first to break the Bruno Iksil story, and which exposes without shadow of a doubt why the Chief Investment Office is nothing but the world's largest prop desk. But hey, just as Goldman named it frontrunning service the "Asmymetric Service Initiative" thereby magically not making it a frontrunning service, naming the world's largest prop desk the "Chief Investment Office" makes it no longer be the world's largest prop desk.

Here are the highlights. First on the CIO group:

  • Achilles Macris, hired in 2006 as the CIO’s top executive in London, led an expansion into corporate and mortgage-debt investments with a mandate to generate profits for the New York- based bank, three of the former employees said.
  • Some of Macris’s bets are now so large that JPMorgan probably can’t unwind them without losing money or roiling financial markets, the former executives said, based on knowledge gleaned from people inside the bank and dealers at other firms.
  • The CIO’s growing size and market power have made it an increasingly important customer to Wall Street’s trading desks and a market influence watched by hedge funds and other investors, the former employees said. Iksil’s positions in credit-derivatives have become so large that some market participants dubbed him “Voldemort,” after the villain of the Harry Potter series who’s so powerful he can’t be called by name.
  • What Bernanke is to the Treasury market, Iksil is to the derivatives market,” Bonnie Baha, head of the global developed credit group at DoubleLine Capital LP in Los Angeles, where she helps oversee $32 billion, said in a telephone interview.
  • Macris’s team amassed a portfolio of as much as $200 billion, booking a profit of $5 billion in 2010 alone -- equal to more than a quarter of JPMorgan’s net income that year, one former senior executive said.

And far more importantly on the background of the guy behind it all. It kinda, sorta sounds like he is a... gasp.... prop trading kinda guy

  • It’s Macris, not Iksil, who was behind the strategy that led to an unprecedented build-up of credit risk in JPMorgan’s chief investment office, three former employees of the bank said. While they expressed doubt Iksil can unwind his positions without causing a dislocation in the markets he trades, they also said JPMorgan probably can afford to hold the assets until they mature and so won’t be forced to sell them.
  • In 2011, corporate revenue of $3.3 billion included $1.6 billion of securities gains and produced $411 million of net income, the bank said in an annual filing on Feb. 29. By comparison, JPMorgan’s investment bank reported $26.3 billion in revenue and $6.8 billion of net income in 2011.
  • Since 2007, the value of securities held in JPMorgan’s chief investment office and treasury has more than tripled to surpass $350 billion from $76.5 billion, according to company filings.
  • Profit, not risk management, guided the purchases, according to the former employees. One of the employees, who previously held a senior executive position at the bank, said Dimon even ordered some of the trades himself.
  • Dimon pushed the unit to seek bigger profits by buying higher-yielding assets, including structured credit, equities and derivatives, and ramping up speculation, according to two former employees.
  • In London, Macris expanded his team, adding expertise in credit and fixed-income trading. A Greek citizen, Macris previously was co-head of capital markets at Dresdner Kleinwort Wasserstein before joining JPMorgan in 2006. In that role he helped oversee a unit that made proprietary trades, or bets with Dresdner’s own money, according to two people who worked with him at the time.
  • Before joining Dresdner, Macris oversaw currency trading at Bankers Trust, now part of Deutsche Bank AG. Macris was an idea- generating machine who was blunt and didn’t suffer fools, said Duncan Hennes, who worked with him at Bankers Trust.
  • At JPMorgan, Macris hired Evan Kalimtgis, a former head of credit portfolio strategy at Dresdner, to help with risk management, according to one former employee.
  • In 2007 Javier Martin-Artajo, who had been Dresdner’s head of credit-derivatives trading, joined JPMorgan in London. George Polychronopoulos, who worked at hedge fund Endeavour Capital LLP, also joined the London office in 2009.
  • Martin-Artajo, Polychronopoulos and Kalimtgis didn’t return calls and e-mails seeking comment.
  • While Macris had a mandate to make money from the beginning, he didn’t start putting on big bets until after the credit crisis in 2008. Two of the former executives said the following year he bought AAA-rated pieces of collateralized debt obligations. As competitors dumped securities and prices slumped, Macris’s group at JPMorgan emerged as the biggest buyer in some markets, said one former executive at the bank who was familiar with the trades at the times.
  • In one example, a New York-based CIO trader named Jonathan Horowitz bought about $1.1 billion of AAA-rated portions of collateralized loan obligations for about 80 cents on the dollar in November and December 2008, people familiar with the matter said at the time. Horowitz declined to comment.

Finally, the most damning evidence that JPM's World's Biggest Prop DeskTM, elsewhere known as the CIO, has to be dismantled lest it suffer the fate of all other massive prop desks, which promptly blew up in the days after the Lehman failure, is the following:

  • One public sign that the chief investment office does more than hedge: Its trading risk is on par with that of JPMorgan’s investment bank.
  • JPMorgan’s annual report for 2011 shows that the CIO stood to lose as much as $57 million on most days of the year. That compares with $58 million for the investment bank, which includes Wall Street’s biggest stock- and bond-trading units.
  • Another sign: The relationship between the CIO and the investment bank’s sales and trading desks is strained, two former employees said. Employees in the CIO get a smaller share of their trading profits than those in the investment bank, giving Dimon a cost-management incentive to direct more trading through the CIO, one former executive said.

Hence: JPMs "Chief Investment Office" = World's largest prop trading desk. But hey, just repeat "Assymetric Service Initative" ... "Assymetric Service Initative"  ... "Assymetric Service Initative" three times ... and it becomes truth.

 


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:51 | Link to Comment Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

why, you ask?  because they own a printing press.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:55 | Link to Comment B-rock
B-rock's picture

BusinessWeek interview explaining Iksil's trades back in April (for those who didn't pay attention): http://www.businessweek.com/videos/2012-04-09/jpmorgan-traders-swap-bets 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:17 | Link to Comment Aziz
Aziz's picture

Max Keiser is wrong —

You don't have to buy silver to crash J.P. Morgan

Their prop desk, sorry, I mean CIO "risk management" desk will crash them for you.

(yes — a risk management desk that increases risk — and right there we have the fucking textbook definition of iatrogenesis).

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:26 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

iatrogenesis...

As in taking it up the ass so badly by JP, Goldilocks, et.al ever so badly you no longer qualify for the classic last in line skull fucking.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:29 | Link to Comment Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

now it makes sense why JPM took MF Global money.  prob covering what losses they could.

and remember - there is NEVER just one cockroach

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:36 | Link to Comment Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

 

 

The Fed is blowing up. 

Bloomberg and JPM trot out prop trading and chatter about these problems.

David Stockman's article re. the Fed: http://www.testosteronepit.com/home/2012/5/9/the-emperor-is-naked-david-stockman.html

Eye on the Fed.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:59 | Link to Comment Central Bankster
Central Bankster's picture

I wonder how many shares those idiots Munger and Buffett own?  Another "productive" asset they were referring too?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:01 | Link to Comment Paul Atreides
Paul Atreides's picture

Everbody I mean EVERYBODY should go out and buy some physical silver tomorrow, doesn't have to be a lot if we can get everyone on board we can do some damage. With JP Morgan floundering NOW is the time to put the squeeze on those naked shorts.

Second Friday in May? Time to take the silver away!

#SILVERFRIDAY

Start spreading the word tweets have been started, loop in hash tags like #endthefed #ronpaul #crashjpm #crashjpmorgan #silver #gold #commodities #tbtf #jpm

I will commit to a tube of silver maples 25oz.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:05 | Link to Comment Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

$20 billion?? 'tis only a flesh wound!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:13 | Link to Comment CharlieSDT
CharlieSDT's picture

I'll pick up a couple rolls of quarters.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:44 | Link to Comment Trimmed Hedge
Trimmed Hedge's picture

And I'll just pick up some of these shiny nickels in front of that steamroller....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:52 | Link to Comment LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, you're taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. It's all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.

-- Tyler Durden

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 01:32 | Link to Comment mt paul
mt paul's picture

mooooooooo....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:46 | Link to Comment shanebondy
shanebondy's picture

A shitload hopefully....  but they still think the credit-bandwagon will roll forever

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:46 | Link to Comment boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

How many times do we need to hear the....."and make sure something like this never happens again", before SOMETHING is done???LOL

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:36 | Link to Comment Careless Whisper
Careless Whisper's picture

Jamie's hard-cover advice bio is selling for $2.33; could be good for a few laughs.

http://www.amazon.com/Last-Man-Standing-Ascent-JPMorgan/dp/B005CDTFCY/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1336689103&sr=1-4

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:50 | Link to Comment tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

Jamie - Seek help at Gamblers Anonymous.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:59 | Link to Comment The Limerick King
The Limerick King's picture

 

 

A verse on a terrible tale

Involving a JPM whale

To fill his own tank

He fucked the whole bank

The problem with Too Big To Fail

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:07 | Link to Comment Rahm
Rahm's picture

Why are primary dealers being assassinated?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:22 | Link to Comment banksterhater
banksterhater's picture

Why AREN'T the Primary Dealers ...!?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:38 | Link to Comment Rahm
Rahm's picture

Countrywide, Lehman, Bear Stearns, ML, MF - deceased/kidnapped

JPM, HSBC, CITI, BAC, CS, etc - on life support/in coma's

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:42 | Link to Comment FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Look for bounced check fees to increase and another attempt at the debit card transaction fee.  

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:05 | Link to Comment AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Big meeting going on tonight at 33 Liberty Street. (That's the FRB NY for those not from NYC). Dudley called in the boys and is not pleased. Wants to know who else may have this crap coming down the pike.

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 09:43 | Link to Comment roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Anyone who uses a debit card is a dumb ass and deserves every fee they get.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:42 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

Where is Max Ficher?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:57 | Link to Comment Paul Atreides
Paul Atreides's picture

All trolls were ordered to report in and head to the main stream media threads for damage control...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:14 | Link to Comment Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

Man.  It's times like this that make me miss Trav7777 and RoboTrader.  Though Robo would be nowhere on news like this.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:39 | Link to Comment TravsMom
TravsMom's picture

Me 2, I miss my Trav.  The little bitch owes me money!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:18 | Link to Comment Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

He was last seen strolling towards 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. with a pair of kneepads thrown o'ershoulder, whistling, grinning, and occasionally muttering something that sounded to passers-by like "... better than Monica... heehee!".

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:43 | Link to Comment WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Max Sphincter?

Civis Mundane

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:21 | Link to Comment Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

Comay Mierda,

You make an interesting point.  If JPM took MF Global Customers Money.  It could have been used to prop up their positions.  Plus, if you remember there were a lot of people that got Margin calls and had to liquidate their positions.

If JPM casued the loss of Customer Accounts by not putting the Money that they received from a trade by Mf Global with Goldman back into Mf Globals Account intentionally.  Could this have been done to better their positions in Gold and Silver.  Remember a lot of people did not get the Gold that they had bought thru options.

HMMM.  Makes you think.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:38 | Link to Comment Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

No kidding! Wasn't that the lesson of the 2008 crisis? If one is doing it they are ALL doing it to some degree. Which means we may very well start hearing about other banks having blown up over the next several months.

 

Remember when Bear's funds blew up? It took several months before it filtered down to other banks but we found out they were all holding similar bags of crap.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:35 | Link to Comment Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:05 | Link to Comment Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

If you have something to say just say it. Don't hold back.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:14 | Link to Comment Tsunami Wave
Tsunami Wave's picture

Hey.. sometimes, silence is golden.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:52 | Link to Comment A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Duct tape is silver.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:42 | Link to Comment Reptil
Reptil's picture

This is bullish right?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 23:56 | Link to Comment pavman
pavman's picture

The last time I saw duct tape, it was leopard print.  Apparently leopard print, duct tape purses are all the rage for 12 year old girls. Yikes!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:58 | Link to Comment jamezelle
jamezelle's picture

I bet their CIO desk appropriately managed their risk by shorting JPM stocks. lol

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:36 | Link to Comment trebuchet
trebuchet's picture

nice one

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:43 | Link to Comment LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Don't worry the other arms of JPM have been short financial stocks for quite some time. Nothing like front-running yourself.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:22 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Paging Ben Shalom......cleanup on aisle 5.

 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:17 | Link to Comment stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Have to wonder how much of this crap is re-hypothecated and how all that will work out when they are forced to start selling tomorrow.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:30 | Link to Comment FinalCollapse
FinalCollapse's picture

The money vaporized, Bitchez!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:46 | Link to Comment FEDbuster
Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:21 | Link to Comment knukles
knukles's picture

Why would JP Fuckem take a loss on customer positions, you ask?

 

Becasue they were not customer positions.
Blythe fucking lied to the regulators, press and muppetts. 
On the telly.  Duh. 

But they were hedged.
What's hedged got to do with customer positions?
Nothing you ask?
Nopthing, they say.
On my.....
Will they be held accountable?
Fuck no.
What does this mean for the Volcker Rule?
(chortle)  Never heard of it.
What about the silver manipulations?
What are you talking about, they're client positions.
Which are client positions?
The client positions.
No, I mean the silver.
What silver?  

Who's on first? 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:26 | Link to Comment Urban Roman
Urban Roman's picture

... digital mining techniques ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:46 | Link to Comment RacerX
RacerX's picture

It will be interesting if they ever have to unwind their short silver/PM positions.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:58 | Link to Comment sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

They can't.  That is one of the reasons it has been manipulated.  Start with a small lie and well, you know how that goes...

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 06:18 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Protect the hypothecation at all costs.....but we didn't mean that much.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:56 | Link to Comment Debt-Is-Not-Money
Debt-Is-Not-Money's picture

+100

Excellent!

I had beer coming out my nose!

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 03:45 | Link to Comment StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

I can't help but wonder if JPM is the current target bank mentioned in: Gold Cover Claus Guidance

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:21 | Link to Comment banksterhater
banksterhater's picture

file taken down

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:32 | Link to Comment pkea
pkea's picture

i dont' belive Iksil did alone. could it be the GS's payback to JPM after the Greg Smith's letter?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:07 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Tyler, everybody in our office is in total awe of you uncovering this event long before it happened.  Complete and absolute respect.  

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:13 | Link to Comment icanhasbailout
Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:17 | Link to Comment bdc63
bdc63's picture

Tyler is a rock star ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:27 | Link to Comment B-rock
B-rock's picture

You mean: Tyler are rock stars...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:39 | Link to Comment Paul Atreides
Paul Atreides's picture

The less people know about Tyler the better, keeps him safe at night.

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 00:47 | Link to Comment Oracle of Kypseli
Oracle of Kypseli's picture

He may be a double agent. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:52 | Link to Comment lumen ex lumine
lumen ex lumine's picture

So is it "Tylers Durden", or "Tyler Durdens" ?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:08 | Link to Comment THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

Tylerensis durdensis sapiens

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:11 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Attorneys General.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:11 | Link to Comment azusgm
azusgm's picture

Tylers Durden

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:35 | Link to Comment raki_d
raki_d's picture

its Tyler Durden and Marla Singers

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:26 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Exces feat. Marla Singers - Hard & Wet (HD)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkUZcG4z0O8

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:15 | Link to Comment sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

I actually smudged my computer screen trying to kill your avatar.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 23:15 | Link to Comment Dr. Kananga
Dr. Kananga's picture

It's "The Tyler Durden." A collective--like The Borg.

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 01:34 | Link to Comment mt paul
mt paul's picture

Tyler rehypothicated ....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:58 | Link to Comment stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:21 | Link to Comment Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

Tyler Durden is Jamie Dimon... didn't you know?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:38 | Link to Comment Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

For a minute there i just...

-BLACKED-OUT

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 00:55 | Link to Comment ChacoFunFact
ChacoFunFact's picture

Remember risk has two components: probability and consequence. The probability of getting in to a car and crashing are high but the consequences are low compared to a plane crash. The probability of getting in to a plane and crashing are low but the consequences are high.

The prob that Freddie and Fannie fail were low (govt backed) but the consequence of everybody getting out at the same time was high.

So you get what we have here today. A man gets whats he wants.

Shut down your ego. What do you see?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:19 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Apparently they forgot about the God of Interest Rate however...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:38 | Link to Comment sunaJ
sunaJ's picture

Heyuh, if they canna just print their own money, thatta soundza lot likah da fraud!

Unleash the incredible anger built up in the gut of America. 

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Now, does anyone have a spare Medusa head to stop the gut once it's done destroying TPTW(ere)?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:21 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

Hilliary Clinton is still using it, au natural.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:19 | Link to Comment Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:48 | Link to Comment AccreditedEYE
AccreditedEYE's picture

Any currency ol Jamie boy thought he had to fight back the Volker Rule just went up in smoke. PD margins will continue to get vaporized and banking will become utility-like again. Jim Rogers was right...banking is going back to being a backwater and this is just another nail in their coffin. BX, KKR, CG... these are the investment banks of the future.  

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:51 | Link to Comment sampo
sampo's picture

POOF!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:53 | Link to Comment Yikes
Yikes's picture

And it's gone.   Next please.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:04 | Link to Comment blabam
blabam's picture

*Lights a sigar*

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:32 | Link to Comment greensnacks
greensnacks's picture

They should have hedged with garments.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:50 | Link to Comment Moneyswirth
Moneyswirth's picture

Holy Crap.  Can you say 2008? 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:56 | Link to Comment HarryM
HarryM's picture

Two Thousand Eight

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:06 | Link to Comment sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

I'm still stuck on the holy crap part. How does crap become holy?

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:09 | Link to Comment buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

it is blessed by the sphincter then baptised in the toilet.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:12 | Link to Comment Kassandra
Kassandra's picture

Also known as the porcelain throne...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:21 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

LOL

"We got a floater! What does it mean?"

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:40 | Link to Comment Reptil
Reptil's picture

you guys *crack* me up

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:15 | Link to Comment THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

It means God is smiling...

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 01:06 | Link to Comment ChacoFunFact
ChacoFunFact's picture

That Richard was well hydrated at the time so his poop had the same density as water.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:49 | Link to Comment CPL
CPL's picture

Papal expulsion.

That is all.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:13 | Link to Comment Coast Watcher
Coast Watcher's picture

twenty oh eight

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:13 | Link to Comment tom a taxpayer
tom a taxpayer's picture

MMVIII

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:41 | Link to Comment XitSam
XitSam's picture

11111011000

Fri, 05/11/2012 - 06:21 | Link to Comment GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

21214

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:26 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Maybe Geithner can get GS to buy JPM for $3 or so by next Monday.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:34 | Link to Comment Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

How about we resurrect Lehman and have them buy JPM? Where are you Dick Fuld?!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:42 | Link to Comment resurger
resurger's picture

How much is the haircut?

i may broker this one for ya...

Regards,

Hanks. P

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:35 | Link to Comment fuu
fuu's picture

Will you grab any if it hits $5?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:29 | Link to Comment Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

Holy Crap. Can you say 2008?

PPT will be working overtime the next few weeks

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:42 | Link to Comment vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

BlacK FriDay¿

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:16 | Link to Comment THX 1178
THX 1178's picture

too thausind ate.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:52 | Link to Comment Burr's 2nd Shot
Burr's 2nd Shot's picture

Good thing they put in the TBTF break-up provisions in Dodd-Frank.  Everyone thought it would be BAC as the guinea pig.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:59 | Link to Comment Sequitur
Sequitur's picture

ZERO HEDGE: once again proving why this site is number one in exposing the massive, massive fraud that is the "global financial system," insofar as the United States and the EU are concerned.

United States Dollar, European Union Euro: utterly worthless currencies flying out of central bank printing presses.

Attention America: you slave at your garbage low wage jobs for worthless paper. Yet the Federal Reserve and its member banks (read: owners) simply hit "control-P" (read: quantitative easing, twist, TARP, HARP, mortgage settlement) and steal your paper dollar wealth while enslaving your children to trillions in debt that can never be repaid? And all this is done so criminals like Jamie Dimon, Pandit, Fuld, Thain, and Mack can gamble billions of paper dollars to boost banker bonuses?

Wake the fuck up America. Wake. The. Fuck. Up.

Read Zero Hedge. Religiously. Get the hell out of worthless paper, it IS going tits up. The devaluation reset, if not outright default, is coming. Get prepared.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:14 | Link to Comment Rainman
Rainman's picture

Jamie acknowledges this has stirred up the " pundits ".....meaning ZH et al.

 http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/10/us-jpmorgan-trading-idUSBRE8491H020120510

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:18 | Link to Comment xtop23
xtop23's picture

Hilarious..... it violates "the Dimon principle."

What in the name of God does that mean?

No midget porn involved?

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:37 | Link to Comment jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

Ohhh...as long as you don't touch the gay midget porn, then everything is OK!!!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:22 | Link to Comment stocktivity
stocktivity's picture

Here's a classic quote from that article -

"This violated our principles. This trading violates the Dimon principle."

He actually said that...arrogant fuck

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:38 | Link to Comment EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Well, Jamie dear, there was a principle you absolutely didn't violate -- The Peter Principle  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Principle).

I'm especially fond of Peter's Corollary:  "work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence."   (Though I did hear the desk's last act was to short JPM, their way of effectively "managing up.")

 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:36 | Link to Comment Withdrawn Sanction
Withdrawn Sanction's picture

"This violated our principles. This trading violates the Dimon principle."

(1)  Dont get caught

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 21:06 | Link to Comment EclecticParrot
EclecticParrot's picture

Holy Christ, take a look at FAS (3X financial bull) in after hours trading --  down 5%, below $90/share, when it was at 107 on May 1.  I know some people play the lottery with these triple-leveraged beauties, buying at the close for an overnight trade, but those that did today got totally fucked courtesy of Mr. Principles, their stops pierced like a fencing dummy.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:36 | Link to Comment widget
widget's picture

"[a] hit to Dimon and the bank's reputation."

Ha... ha ha... HA HA HA...... BWAHA HA HA HO HO HO HO... HE HE HE  [breath]... HI HI HI HI HIIIIII *passing out*

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:21 | Link to Comment Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Agreed....but unfortuantely us "conspiracy nutcases" that have been screaming to the top of our lungs for years about rank manipulation, fraud and collusion by the fed (and its primary dealers) somehow does not make it to the MSM. Unless one is fortunate to have this site as a bookmark, one is perpetually lost. THANK YOU to all my fellow bitchez at ZH!!! All this education, and free tuition to boot!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:52 | Link to Comment 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

lol @ "my fellow bitchez"

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:23 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Interest rates are PLUNGING bozo. If it really was "the end of
the world" JP Morgue would be rubbing it in our face right now. As it is "it's just the end of them." Move along!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:25 | Link to Comment QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Word!

 

BTW, is CDS a new cable channel? ;)

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:51 | Link to Comment Firing Pin
Firing Pin's picture

Couldn't have happened to a nicer group of scumbags. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:12 | Link to Comment xxxxx
xxxxx's picture

Amen brother!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:22 | Link to Comment newworldorder
newworldorder's picture

True - But you have to remember that a lot of people have investments and company 401k assets at JPM. A lot of pain on an unraveling is potentially coming our way.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:31 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"Patience Young Grasshopper." got 'em right where we want 'em....

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:32 | Link to Comment I Am The Unknow...
I Am The Unknown Comic's picture

True that a lot of people could get hurt, but of course it would be all their own fault.  After all, they are just a bunch of greedy speculators and they knew what they were getting into.  The risks are all so clearly explained in the paperwork that they signed.  Those Greedy Grandmas deserve what they get!  (sarc)

Perhaps this comical parody from the movie "Airplane" of a CNBS (pronounced "seein' BS") anchor/commentator douchebag should be shared around the internet community during this most appropriate time?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn0WdJx-Wkw

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:44 | Link to Comment eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

too bad you can't buy stock in law firms, caue those bastards may stage a comeback!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:14 | Link to Comment Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Yeah, only problem is, it's taxpayers, employees, and shareholders that are gonna get left holding the bag. Dimon and his merry band of cocksuckers in JPM management will get away with billions scot-free.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:53 | Link to Comment EZT
EZT's picture

is this a financial sector black swan event..?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:58 | Link to Comment OMG
OMG's picture

If you listen carefully you can hear wings flapping, liker surround sound 7.1 aspect ratio!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 19:29 | Link to Comment greensnacks
greensnacks's picture

If BP, Halliburton and Transocean can survive after killing a few people, dumping millions of gallons of oil in the gulf and ruining a few hundred, thousand peoples lives, payout $40b and continue pumping on, I would reason JPM will survive too. If it's just $2b, they could pay for it by halving their dividends for a year. It'll sting for a bit, but they get past it.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:43 | Link to Comment xela2200
xela2200's picture

If they are saying it is $2b then it is probably $4B. The other thing that you are missing is they are still at risk since they cannot unwind the positions. At this point is anybody's guess what the ultimate loss is going to be or how it will affect markets. Finally, cutting dividends would cause the stock to drop further, and I don't think that is good for bonuses.

Liquidity will float ALL boats.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:52 | Link to Comment Jacque Itch
Jacque Itch's picture

What about that interview from that JP Morgan wench about not hedging commodities?  Somebody help me with what I'm trying to recall.

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:19 | Link to Comment kill switch
kill switch's picture

Blyth Maters the silver killer

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:59 | Link to Comment Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

I think she said something like:

"Manipulating markets and lying about itis not part of our business model, honest!"

 

 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | Link to Comment Debtless
Debtless's picture

Control P. There's an app for that.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | Link to Comment fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Is this really a 2008 type situation?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:00 | Link to Comment bdc63
bdc63's picture

no.  but it could be a trigger for something MUCH worse than 2008 ... too early to tell ...

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:37 | Link to Comment Withdrawn Sanction
Withdrawn Sanction's picture

"...same, but different"

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:53 | Link to Comment midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

Hush little JPM, don't say a word

Bernanke's gonna buy you a Mocking bird

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | Link to Comment Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

Looks like Jamie's going to continue increasing those shorts in silver to make up for lost profits.  Think how much Blythe made you last year on your rigged games.  Surely you can think of something else. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:34 | Link to Comment disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Shorts? Hahahahaha. He's LONG that shit!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:34 | Link to Comment xtop23
xtop23's picture

The problem is the Ag rigging is an ATM machine and they quite possibly will need a dump truck.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:46 | Link to Comment xela2200
xela2200's picture

Only the sheep speculator is short and in line for the killing. They have been unloading their shorts since the silver pop last year. No wonder JPM were crapping their pants. I bet they were looking at the abyss. Soros is a bastard.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:54 | Link to Comment Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

have to worry about contagin risk.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:55 | Link to Comment ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Intentional heartache.

Perfect timing for the markets and getting QE3 in the queue.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 20:48 | Link to Comment xela2200
xela2200's picture

Right!

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:56 | Link to Comment monopoly
monopoly's picture

Not fair. YOu guys told me it was all better. OK, so I won't buy BAC.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 22:26 | Link to Comment Tijuana Donkey Show
Tijuana Donkey Show's picture

God, if only BAC and Margin Stanley could hit a patch like this as well, I would believe in Santa Clause again. 

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:55 | Link to Comment Kastorsky
Kastorsky's picture

let's hope JP's comodity trading unit is close to hitting a pile of shit as well.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:09 | Link to Comment Gloomy
Gloomy's picture

Common'-The CFTC says they're just fine. What me worry?

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:23 | Link to Comment NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yeah, they've got millions of... something of silver.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 18:09 | Link to Comment slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Jamie wanted to wait until next week for the conference call on the commodities trading unit mark-to-market losses.

Thu, 05/10/2012 - 17:59 | Link to Comment pimpmysteel
pimpmysteel's picture

I thought Blythe just told us they dont have a book.

 

 

1:53 for the money shot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc9Me4qFZYo

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!