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Zuckerberg Speaks - Wordcloud: Mobile 22; Profit 0

Tyler Durden's picture


'He' has spoken; and the stock hath obeyeth - for now. Thanks to a transcript from Forbes we can now quantify the hidden message of Mr. Zuckerberg's interview. The results (from the 1400 words or so): Mobile 22; Money 6; Search 4; Stock 4; Spend 3; Time 3; IPO 1; Profit 0; Unicorns 0

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Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:39 | 2783428 JustPrintMoreDuh
JustPrintMoreDuh's picture

Its not as if profit is important in determing stock price ... 

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:06 | 2783498 Jay Gould Esq.
Jay Gould Esq.'s picture

At least the young Master Zuckerberg shed his trademark, prepubescent grey "hoodie" for a more demure and somber charcoal Hanes pocket tee. Indeed, even billionaires evolve...in the sartorial sense.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:14 | 2783520 CClarity
CClarity's picture

Like a pair of oxen, would you prefer he be yoked with a tie?  

FB is not a conventional product, service or company - yet.  I think what Zuckerberg wears is among the very least important things about how one should "value" FB.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:54 | 2783619 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

The top three words were;
Holocaust - 93
Blameless - 78
Chosen - 64

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:57 | 2783625 saturn
saturn's picture

No 9/11?

Wed, 09/12/2012 - 00:47 | 2784282 TwoShortPlanks
TwoShortPlanks's picture

I wouldn't knock a tragedy, I'm not that kinda guy!

Hey Zuckerberg, "ALL-ABOARD!"

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:57 | 2783626 Redhotfill
Redhotfill's picture

Yes!  Like I shoul "trust" this idiot with my money,  lol if I were stupid enought to contemplate buying the stock.  Somehow hoodie or t-shirt says SHORT MY STOCK.... 

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:15 | 2783661 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Okay but what about "loud Hawaiian shirt"? What does that say? Cuz I wear them a lot and I want to know if that's going to wreck my startup somehow.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 21:04 | 2783818 petolo
petolo's picture

Made in Hawaii or China? Just get a matching tie and they,ll treat you as one of their own. A pair of Obummer cufflinks would clinch it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:20 | 2783693 frankthomaswhite59
frankthomaswhite59's picture

I beg to differ

Wed, 09/12/2012 - 04:37 | 2784516 13thWarrior
13thWarrior's picture

Rabbit hole goes much deeper http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qBI1GY4y5A .

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:19 | 2783697 MrJingles
MrJingles's picture

Let me summarize this interview for everyone.  Facebook Sucks.  There you go.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:41 | 2783431 Conman
Conman's picture

The "analysts" wanted to hear that he was going to monetize mobile. So seems appropriate to be the most used word.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:03 | 2783648 boogerbently
boogerbently's picture

If you want to know what went wrong with the IPO, just watch all the morons that pile in tomorrow....and start crying on Friday.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:42 | 2783432 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

I don't see Gullible in there anywhere..........

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:58 | 2783470 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

It's between gonorrhea and gynocologist in the dictonary.  Which is what the stock is first and what you'll need after you've been fucked by it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:10 | 2783509 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Well played.

Gross ... but well played.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:15 | 2783522 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Thank you!  <takesabow>

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:43 | 2783437 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Cramming FB into "mobile" seems like a long shot to me. Their best bet will be to Google-ize themselves and use FB combined with geolocation to ping users constantly about other FB users in their immediate location. That and maybe auto-Like stores and shit when you walk in the door.

All of which sounds like about 8 kinds of horrific, if you ask me.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:59 | 2783473 Citxmech
Citxmech's picture

You mean the part of "Minority Report" where all the advertising screens were constantly shouting personalizaed advertisments at you wasn't the coolest thing evah?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:07 | 2783499 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Um ... no that was not cool.

Why couldn't that have served up personalized porn instead? That would be hella cool. FB should get behind that. Personalized porn I could totally get into.

No wait scratch that. Imma patent personalize porn first. Then they can get behind it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 23:12 | 2784112 Burnbright
Burnbright's picture

Then they can get behind it.

Epic Cougar, just Epic.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:58 | 2783475 jmc8888
jmc8888's picture

Exactly, and people have shown they don't like to be monitored, and regardless of if something is auto-liked or manually pressed.... likes doesn't mean anything. 

They already have phones which creepily let you see where your friends are.  So even then, it would be copying what others have already done.

Mobile is just an extension of the web, and many companies are still struggling to monetize appropriately the regular web.  Mobile is even harder, and is still stuck with dial type web pages (not necessarily because of speed) but because of limited screen real estate.

If anything mobile will cannibalize regular web proper, be an added cost, and lead to lower revenue.  As I said lower, I don't see how that is positive news for investors who are already majorly underwater.


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 22:08 | 2783971 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Actually, their best bet for monetization involves remote sensory stimulation and instaporn.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 22:35 | 2784037 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

I happened to tune in to the discussion of the FB phone. Laughed my ass off because the obvious reason they don't do it is because that is a failure Zuck would OWN. A FB phone is a fucking joke of an idea.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:45 | 2783439 Zola
Zola's picture

Dont worry , Zuckerberg is a democrat: Lets ban profits  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07fTsF5BiSM&feature=player_embedded

(already featured on ZH)

Wed, 09/12/2012 - 00:07 | 2784200 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

He's not a dem, he's a Schmuckerberg. A putz as savage would say.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:45 | 2783441 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Hoodie 132

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:01 | 2783482 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

Okay guys, imagine I'm about to launch a startup. Just hypothetical here.

I have code issues up the wazzo and an entire cloud network to construct yet and my day job kinda sucks but this is what has me up all night: I'm an old out-of-fashion nerd and it looks like I need a schtick, you know a thing like Steve Jobs had his black turtleneck shirts and The Berg has his hoodie thing going on. See I figure you have to nail these details early on or things just get totally out of hand later. Your fans don't recognize you, your IPO falls over, chicks snub you. All that.

So what should it be? Maybe wrap around shades so people wonder if I have eyes at all? Braided nose hairs? Kilt? High-top sneakers? Worn out high-top sneakers? Gangsta rapper pants-on-the-ground? Always carry around a musical instrument I don't know how to play?

Come on fuckers -- you mad geniuses you -- what would you do for style?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:18 | 2783527 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Hire a few big burly bodyguards, black sunglasses and suits, pay some paparazi, and dress the part?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:55 | 2783620 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Grow your fingernails out ten or twenty inches. I don't see anyone else doing that..............

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:54 | 2783793 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

Howard Hughes oh and don't forget to urinate in your empty mayo jars and save it.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:40 | 2783761 Tippoo Sultan
Tippoo Sultan's picture

Cougar, never repackage your nerdiness -- embrace it. Chicks always dig a retro dude with a bulging wallet...be yourself, brother, and the private placements will follow.

CEO Cougar W. ( L ), with an unnamed investment banker from Goldman Sachs. "AllThingsD" conference, 2012:


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 23:05 | 2784100 Wannabee
Tue, 09/11/2012 - 23:16 | 2784121 Burnbright
Burnbright's picture

Suspenders and a bow tie, but wear like jeans and a collard t-shirt for the bow tie, maybe a rugby shirt. You will look bad ass!

Wed, 09/12/2012 - 08:37 | 2785074 frenzic
frenzic's picture

Bitches man, bitches. Style no impact yes.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:14 | 2783519 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Hoodie 666

Fixed it for you.  Got the number wrong.

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:57 | 2783627 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Jawohl Bro :-)

Wed, 09/12/2012 - 03:31 | 2784441 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Danke shon

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:00 | 2783443 Racer
Racer's picture

Money mobilesed to his pocket from lemmings, er people spending on the IPO

as he ROFLHAO as he sells up and buys even more gold when he dumps stock and spends time looking at his even bigger gold hoard that will be searched for but not found because it is in tax haven offshore account

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:51 | 2783451 jmc8888
jmc8888's picture

But won't the mobile app be free too? If so (how could it not), how can smaller screen real estate, with smaller text, and a platform which is much poorer for purchasing (on a phone compared to a regular pc) lead to dramtically higher earnings? 

Also don't forget the security nightmare of sending your credit card details wirelessly. Security experts say you are a fool if you walk around with your phone on and credit card details inside.  There were some articles about a hacker convention where people were reading all the details off people's phones at will a few years back, and that was a convention of, by, and for hackers. 

I mean really, where are you going to read more facebook if you're into the useless aspect it is.... at home or while walking/driving? 

It's not like facebook via pc will continue to go up, and everyone will also exponentially use mobile facebook as well.  One account that is accessed via pc and mobile, is still one account.  Are the likes of restaurants supposed to be beamed into what is around you dynamically?  Really?  When Likes is a metric that really means jack shit. 

If people somehow switch more to mobile than PC, the opportunity to make money via ads diminishes, not increases.  This is supposed to be beneficial to Facebook's current investors who bought at much higher stock valuations.... how?

The mobile panacea is a crock of shit. 


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 20:53 | 2783792 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Greened you.  Yes, like lemmings, because mobile hardware is selling well (compared to most other things) even the opsys guys are going all moble even for their desktop opsys - and it truly sucks.

I think they'll find this out at some point.

You ARE crazy to put CC details into a mobile.  Crackers follow the money, and you just make it sooo easier for them that way.

Could it be that software bloat hasn't caught up with desktop performance enough that people need to upgrade less often?  I know that's true here, and I'm very computer intensive.  They just got to be good enough, finally, and pretty reliable, there's just no need to buy more - I don't *use* them any less, I just don't need new ones as often.

And why does everyone think the path to riches is monetizing via advertising, when no one has much money to buy what the ads are selling, and since sales are low - no one has as big an ad budget as they used to.  At some point we have to come down to earth and you know, make stuff.


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:51 | 2783452 km4
km4's picture

RT  Facebook stock up on the news that Zuckerberg said the word "revenue"

Hillarious ;)

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:53 | 2783458 Racer
Racer's picture

he said 'for  me' after that, didn't you hear it?

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:53 | 2783456 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Suckerberg, suckerz!

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:55 | 2783462 Milton Waddams
Milton Waddams's picture


Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:57 | 2783471 ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

Cramer is in there somewhere...

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 18:59 | 2783478 silverserfer
silverserfer's picture

"CIA's got me by the balls"

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:05 | 2783492 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

how to become a millionaire.........


own a billion shares of facebook

Tue, 09/11/2012 - 19:05 | 2783493 Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

who cares what howdy doody says. His sheep have lost so much. Never gonna get it back. Im sure bubble vision is just creaming jiz over what he says.

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