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The Babylon Bee's Top Predictions For 2022

Tyler Durden's Photo
by Tyler Durden
Monday, Jan 03, 2022 - 03:10 AM

Via BabylonBee.com,

It's that time of year again - when the infallible prophets at The Babylon Bee tell you what will happen in the next year with 100% accuracy! Will 2022 be better than this year? You decide! 

Here is a definitive list of things that will happen in 2022:

January 1 - USPS will deliver your Christmas package

January 6 - Second insurrection attempt canceled 

January 20 - Pfizer unveils booster shots 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8

January 21 - Men break every record ever held by women

January 22 - Harvard gender studies professor discovers five new pronouns

January 23 - The Babylon Bee discovers a 3rd conservative joke

January 25 - Obama releases another memoir

January 27 - Mark Zuckerberg finally learns how to smile with his eyes

February 1 - WHO runs out of Greek letters for variants and starts naming them after the Muppets

February 2 - Jan 6th committee finally catches your Grandma

February 26 - China officially annexes United States

March 1 - Bill Clinton plants the flag on brand new Epstein Island

March 3 - Space Force training exercise accidentally blows up Mars

March 10 - Obama releases yet another new memoir

March 25 - Meat is outlawed, replaced with delicious bugs instead

April 1 - AOC red-pilled after reading an economics book

April 19 - Man dressed as woman hailed as first woman to not complain about being cold

May 5 - Hollywood studio announces all-female reboot of Ghostbusters: Afterlife 

May 10 - Firefly renewed for 12 new seasons. Unfortunately, it's written by the writers of the 2nd season of Ted Lasso 

June 6 - AOC tweets something dumb 

August 15 - The only child to be named "Brandon" for the entire year is born

September 5 - Jen Psaki becomes Ben Psaki

October 8 - Obama releases new memoir

October 11 - Ted Cruz finally gets to spend a week in Cancun

November 17 - Republicans bravely squander control of Congress

December 10th - You still can't get your hands on a PS5

December 25 - Christmas will occur on this day

December 27 - Obama releases new memoir

December 30 - Ghislaine Maxwell's black book leaked, will be released in January

December 31 - Jesus returns

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