Bloomberg Dubs The Queen A "Horsey-Faced Lesbian" In Outrageous Book Of Quotes

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by Tyler Durden
Saturday, Feb 15, 2020 - 03:10 PM

Shortly before the Drudge Report reported that Mike Bloomberg is planning to ask Hillary Clinton to be his running mate should be clinch the Democratic nomination (an eventuality that's looking increasingly likely as the DNC wakes up to the fact that Bloomberg is the only contender who can outspend Trump and his massive campaign war chest. Sorry, Bernie), the Washington Post published an extensive story relitigating all of the allegations of sexual harassment, profane and inappropriate remarks that the creator of the Bloomberg terminal has long been known for.

Anybody who is familiar with Bloomberg is probably also familiar with the lawsuits.

The most infamous, high-profile case was when a former saleswoman  sued Bloomberg personally as well as his company over allegations of workplace discrimination. She alleged Bloomberg told her to "kill it" when he found out she was pregnant.

Bloomberg settled the lawsuiit, but denied the allegation under oath.

But aside from what looks to be mostly an agglomeration of stale headlines, WaPo also published a hidden gem: a booklet of sayings reportedly gifted to Bloomberg by senior employees of his company as he celebrated his 48th birthday in 1990 - a different time as far as social mores are concerned.

We've looked through the book of quotes, which can be viewed online here, and picked out our favorites:

On trading:

"I follow the trader's adage: If you can't move something, mark it up, not down."

"I never understood the value of volume discounts."

On high-frequency trading:

"Information is being delivered faster and faster in more and more cases. Pretty soon, we'll be able to deliver next week's prices. Of course that's already been done once before - Ivan Boesky managed the ultimate in getting quotes before they happen."

On the bond market:

"Do you know anything about bonds? Prices go up, yields go down. That's it."

On dealing with obstacles:

"Hit the damn horse over the head with a 2-by-4."

Definition of a bad salesperson:

"Someone who shows up and throws up."

About being labeled 'profane':

"When the Wall Street Journal article came out saying I was profane, my dear old mother calle dme to ask me if it was true. 'Ma,' I said, 'Fuck 'em!'"

On women:

"If women wanted to be appreciated for their brains, they'd go to the library not Bloomingdale's."

On capitalism:

"I believe in capitalism and the capitalist system. The only exception to capitalism is 8th Avenue, where people pay for what they could get for free."

On AI:

"You know why computers will never take the place of people? Because a computer would tell you that the sex of the person giving you a blowjob doesn't matter."

On spouses:

"I have a rule that if anybody is woken up in the middle of the night, I must also be called. That way, the person can tell their spouse that the president of the company was also inconvenienced. "

On successful people:

"Everyone I know who's successful loves what they do. The question is are they successful because they love what they do, or do they love what they do because they're successful? I don't know the answer, but I suspect it's a combination of both."

On liars:

"The three biggest lies are: 'The check is in the mail', 'I'll respect you in the morning', and 'I'm glad I'm Jewish'.

On Jesus:

"If Jesus was a Jew, why does he have a Puerto Rican first name?"

On the Royal Family:

"The Royal Family - what a bunch of misfits - a gay, an architect, that horsey faced lesbian, and a man who gave up Koo Stark for some fat broad."

On his wife:

"Whenever my wife catches me eyeing some broad, she's very careful to turn to me and say 'That's the most expensive piece of ass in the world'."

Of course, BBG's media apologists have already dealt with these allegations (like we said earlier, it's nothing new). Though we're curious to see whether CNN, which has been going heavy with the pro-Bloomberg content, will even bother to mention some of the more inflamatory comments.