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Dear America, Happy Birthday, Kind Regards From The Brits

Tyler Durden's Photo
by Tyler Durden
Monday, Jul 04, 2022 - 10:15 PM

Here in the UK we should celebrate American Independence with more enthusiasm.

After all, as MorningPorridge.com's Bill Blain explains, it was an absolute stroke of genius – on our part!

Independence Day was the culmination of our great plan to improve the UK. It was brilliant for its time. Over centuries we’d come to realise the main issues in the UK were down to a whole host of conflicting demographic and people problems – which we easily solved by exporting them elsewhere.

In the 1600s the new Britain (not yet the United Kingdom) emerged from millennia of mostly slaying each other: Britons against Saxons, Saxon against Angles, Angles against Scots, Scots against Picts, Everyone against Vikings, Scotland vs England, Britain against Spain, France and anyone else wanting to have a go, Religious Wars and Civil Wars.

Suddenly, peace (of a sort) broke out. The aristocracy moved from damp draughty castles into nice modern stately homes. The peasantry moved from disease riven mud-hovels into brick-built boxes in new cities. People stopped dying of preventable diseases and a lack of soap, and the population began to boom.

The UK is a small island, and we don’t really have the space. We wanted to avoid the kind of unpleasantness we’d seen generated by civil wars, rebellions and overly dangerous political and religious ideas – like levelling up or social equality, questioning the divine authority of kings, or further outbreaks of religious intolerance.

Hence, we came up with the wizard wheeze of exporting all the useless pains-in-our-backsides to New World across the Atlantic. So:

  • We got rid of surplus impoverished second, third and n+1 sons of the minor aristocracy (drones by any standard), and the middle classes by offering them land in the fertile south and shipping them off to found new agricultural estates.

  • We winnowed the cities of surplus labour by offering “opportunity” in the new world – shipping them off to work the land, build the cities and direct the industry and commerce of the new provinces.

  • We got rid of our religious nutters. The frankly dull, boring and mostly harmless ones dressed in black were shipped off to the new world and promised they could do whatever they wished in terms of their religion. They happily established themselves in New England and in typical Puritan style started burning old women as witches because the milk had gone sour. The more radical Catholic dissenters were shipped south.

  • The Scottish/English borderers – who’d spent centuries raiding each other – were offered Northern Ireland, or if particularly violent, given land in the New World with added attraction of being able to fight the French to the West and North.

And every time we experienced a national tragedy, like wars and clearances in Scotland, or famine in Ireland – there was plenty of space for the inconvenient survivors in the colonies. As the colonies grew, it was easy to persuade bright young folk that a lifetime spent paying back the costs of their economic migration was worthwhile.

Brilliant. Britain’s population excess solved.

We got rid of our unnecessary surplus, and foisted them off on the Americas.. which then had the absolute temerity to complain about being taxed by London. Ungrateful little tykes. Enough is enough. Despite the fact we’d help them get established and protected them from the marauding French, we had our second genius moment. Why pay for the America’s to be our national dumping ground…? Let them pay for themselves!

So we engineered a rather lame revolution, helped them write a rather ironic constitution that befuddles them still to this day, persuaded them to sort themselves out by adopting ridiculous political structures, and left them to get on with it, confident, in time they’d see things our way and become an English Speaking bastion on the unfashionable side of the Atlantic..

Which from our perspective; has pretty much panned out as planned.

But the fervid mix of hotheads, genetic misfits, bad ideas and even worse behaviours we shipped out do seem to be battering into each other rather appallingly these days.. 

With all that in mind, in an effort to be fair and balanced, we give the last few words to American artist Ben Garrison, who reminds us all that 'a house divided cannot stand', so "choose wisely"...

The Fourth of July used to stand for all Americans coming together to celebrate our independence day from tyranny.

Now, too many demand the return of the very same tyranny our forefathers rebelled against. We’ve been around long enough and seen enough independence days to notice that America is now more divided than ever.

In our younger days we observed how Democrats and Republicans didn’t often agree with each other, but such disagreements were done with a certain modicum of class and mutual respect. Both parties placed the overall interests of America first. This is no longer the case.

Biden said he was not a ’nationalist’ and he placed globalism above America’s interests.

Biden does not want to make America great again. It’s why we’re seeing such high gas prices at the pumps. It’s why we’re involved in another war that does not serve our interests. Biden doesn’t want America to be energy independent. He wants the globalist’s ‘climate change’ agenda to be forced upon us regardless of the consequences. Biden doesn’t want to control the borders. He wants America overrun and its middle class destroyed. The Democrats want everyone dependent on Big Government. Under Obama and now Biden, the Democrats hate America outright. They especially hate what it once stood for—freedom and liberty. Patriots were called ‘bitter clingers’ by Obama.

The anti-American ‘woke’ Democrats want statues that commemorate America’s history pulled down. They want ‘green’ energy, which means much higher gas prices. They want more crime and wide open borders, an endless war a half a world away, abortion on demand, and even the end the very family structure itself. They are blurring and destroying the very definition of what men and women are, the Democrats have shown that they are anti-human. They urge women to get abortions in order to stay in the corporate workplace. This is anti-family.

Many ‘RINO’ Republicans work with the Democrats, but overall the two parties are more divided than ever.

We don’t see much changing that would remedy this situation. Our country is not going to come together again. The Democrats continue to impeach and impugn their arch-enemy, Trump, even though he’s not in office. They’ve resorted to the crassest lies to ensure he doesn’t run again and if they keep stealing elections, real fireworks will eventually begin.

Our forefathers objected to taxation without representation and we must do the same if our Constitution is ignored while tyranny, criminality, and corruption run rampant among those who would rule us.

With this is mind, cherish your families and this Independence Day weekend, don’t let it be your last.

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