While rugged Chinese and Russian citizens prepare for the vigors of geopolitical turmoil on a global stage as each country looks to potentially expand their geographical presences, U.S. citizens are giving themselves heart attack scares from farting into jars and selling them.
Just ask 31 year old Stephanie Matto, who has been making more than $50,000 per week selling her farts.
After a series of news reports on her "business", an already-burgeoning venture that Matto was running gained in popularity, to the point where the former “90 Day Fiancé” star (we've never heard of it, either) was forcing herself to eat eggs and beans in order to keep up with demand for her flatulence.
Matto cashed in $200,000 in sales, according to the NY Post, before being forced to retire after being rushed to a hospital with chest pains that she thought were symptoms of a heart attack.
Instead, "Matto was told that her pain was the result of her steady diet of gas-inducing beans and eggs," the Post reported. Matto was pushing out up to 50 jars worth of farts per week, the report says.
Matto commented: “I thought I was having a stroke and that these were my final moments. I was overdoing it.”
“I remember within one day I had about three protein shakes and a huge bowl of black-bean soup,” she disclosed, talking about her 'secret recipe' for keeping business "booming".
“I could tell that something was not right that evening when I was lying in bed and I could feel a pressure in my stomach moving upward. It was quite hard to breathe, and every time I tried to breathe in, I’d feel a pinching sensation around my heart,” she continued. “And that, of course, made my anxiety escalate. I actually called my friend and asked if they could come over to drive me to the hospital because I thought I was experiencing a heart attack.”
“It was made clear that what I was experiencing wasn’t a stroke or heart attack but very intense gas pains."
With the scare behind her, we're predicting Matto's retirement will only be short-lived. Who can turn down those types of margins? $200,000 in sales and your cost of goods sold is a couple cans of Goya Garbanzo Beans and a couple dozen eggs.
She'll be back.