The College Commencement Speech Every Graduate Needs To Hear

Earlier this week, we brought you "A Cynical Look At Tim Cook's Commencement Speech," which outlined an LA Times piece that took aim at what one columnist suggested was a disingenuous (if standard) effort on the part of Apple's CEO when he spoke to students at George Washington. 

Today, we bring you a commencement speech for the real world.

"In effect, you are graduating with a mortgage but no house. And what did you get? A subprime education." 


"To those who majored in gender studies, film deconstruction, or any other of today's academic fads, to you I have this advice: when this commencement speech is over, do not bother looking for a job. Instead go straight to the unemployment office."

 

"Graduates, you have been saddled with debt and bad ideas. Good luck, you're going to need it."