Are You A Sexually Frustrated Rapefugee In Germany? This Cartoon's For You

Last week, we brought you two cartoons designed by European authorities to help “teach” Mid-East refugees what sort of behavior is acceptable at public venues.

The first was a flyer created in Austria that Switzerland intends to distribute ahead of the upcoming Lucerne carnival. The leaflet outlines a number of acceptable behaviors such as shaking hands and mediating arguments while making it clear with giant red Xs that flying into a blind rage and open-hand slapping women and children isn’t something that’s generally tolerated in polite society.

The second was a highly amusing cartoon strip given to refugees “who may have never swum in a public pool before.” As you can see, frowned upon behavior includes pushing women into the pool, drowning others, springing from the side of the pool onto a screaming blonde, and of course, creeping up behind women and touching their behinds.

All of this comes as Europeans are rapidly losing their patience with politicians who have supported the resettlement of the millions of asylum seekers who have inundated the bloc from the war-torn Mid-East. A series of sexual assaults by men of “Arab origin” on New Year’s Eve quickly became a bloc-wide scandal and earlier this month, one small German town banned adult male refugees from the public pool.

Now, with Angela Merkel’s support falling faster than Chinese stocks the morning after a tripped market circuit breaker, Germany has released a new integration safety guide for refugees called “Germany and its People.” Highlights are below.

According to the presentation, the first thing you want to do if you're a migrant is to avoid looking shady, which means making eye contact when you meet people.

You should also dress up in a suit and go around shaking hands and telling people your name.

You're also reminded that being homosexual isn't punishable by death in Germany.

And that street brawls are discouraged.

And no, it's still not ok to beat small children.

Finally, there's the obligatory nod to unwelcome behind grabbing.

In case that isn't helpful enough, there's also a guidebook which provides a series of helpful pointers for refugees looking to blend into Western European society. Here are some excerpts:

  • Welcome to Germany! This guide will provide you with information about the country you now find yourself in. It has been designed in response to common questions asked by refugees.
  • You should knock on the door before you go in.
  • Urinating in public can be an offense. Public toilets (WCs) are available in most places. WCs usually have toilet paper, but not a bidet. It is perfectly OK to throw toilet paper into the toilet. Don’t throw it into the waste bin. 
  • So you are free to believe whatever you like, but you are also expected to accept that other people may believe in another God or nothing at all.
  • It is common for couples of the same or different sex to show affection in public. This includes holding hands and sometimes kissing or cuddling in public. This is accepted and acceptable behavior. This should just be ignored.
  • Staring at other people is considered impolite.
  • If a person tells you to leave them alone, you should leave them alone immediately.
  • It is perfectly OK not to drink alcohol and many Germans do not drink any alcohol at all either. If you are offered an alcoholic drink, you can always say “nein, danke” if you don’t want it.

Check back in six months to find out whether Germany's efforts to acclimate its 1.1 million (and counting) new inhabitants have been successful.

In the mean time, one Twitter user was kind enough to make his own cartoon series depicting things Westerners should avoid doing when visiting the Mid-East: