Cutting Through The Crap: The Ultimate Clinton-Trump Policy Cheatsheet

Amid the sound and fury of the presidential campaigns, one thing that is crucially unimportant appears to be policies... but in case you need to actually understand the actual differences between 'the crook' and 'hitler' actually are, HSBC has provided a handy cheatsheet...

A list of things to utterly ignore when casting your vote...

Source: HSBC

But of course - what really matters is who the candidates are perceived to be by the mainstream media's constant propaganda.

Here is The Onion to explain: Why People Don't Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

 

Iraq War

Alarge number of voters are unable to forgive Clinton’s support for the invasion of Iraq, even though she’s explained over and over again that 2003 was a long time ago

 

Ties To Big Banks

Many perceive Clinton as having a cozy relationship with the financial sector, a criticism she’s spent millions in untraceable donations trying to fight against

 

Policy-Driven Campaigning

Dry, wonkish speeches irritate the public by reminding them there are a wide variety of issues they should be paying attention to

 

Looks

Clinton’s image is dogged by the unrealistic aesthetic standard set by her 43 predecessors

 

Trustworthiness

Voters prefer a candidate whose backpedaling and flip-flopping on issues seems less calculated and strategic

 

Garrison Keillor

Still holding a grudge about losing that 1997 Spoken Word Grammy

 

Personal History

Clinton would be the first U.S. president who has had sex with a U.S. president, and that’s weird

 

Oratory Skill

Suffers from unfortunate speech impediment of sounding like a capable, self-possessed woman

 

Statistics

Studies have shown that it is at least 35 percent more fun to dislike Clinton than it is to support her

 

Sincerely Wants To Be President

Always a red flag

And he is The Onion to explain why The Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Diehard Trump Voters

Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

 

The announcement, which was issued by millions of the candidate’s staunchest proponents across the country, emphasized that if widespread condemnations of Trump’s temperament, denouncements of his racially charged rhetoric, and technical critiques of his sweeping immigration plan were going to sway their opinion, it would have happened already.

 

“You can keep writing editorials, running ads, and arguing with us at the dinner table or online, but honestly, at this point, it won’t make a bit of difference,” said diehard Trump supporter Bryan Gallagher, 66, who remarked that it had been “a complete waste of time” when 50 top GOP foreign policy experts published an open letter earlier this month suggesting a Trump presidency would gravely endanger national security, noting that he and everyone else who currently backs Trump is “in it for the long haul.” “You really have no chance of winning us over. You could bring out every living four-star general and have them list all the ways Trump would harm our country’s well-being, and we still wouldn’t budge.”

 

“Do you really think you’re going to come up with some new criticism of his policies or his preparedness that will finally make us reconsider our votes?” Gallagher continued. “Please, you should all just save yourself the effort.”

 

The loyal Trump supporters said their message was directed at everyone who has actively sought to convince them that voting for the real estate mogul is against their own interests, a group that includes current and former members of Congress, members of past Republican administrations, America’s NATO allies, human rights advocates, the pope, and many veterans, as well as their own families, friends, and coworkers. The candidate’s backers added that, considering how they have already gone along with everything he has said and done in the 2016 election cycle, those trying to communicate Trump’s shortcomings to them should “quit wasting their breath.”

 

According to members of the pro-Trump constituency, the group has grown especially exasperated when asked by others to consider the possibility of supporting a different candidate based on his or her actual political views and track record. Supporters of the billionaire tycoon were quick to point out that they were given their choice of many different candidates over a period of numerous months, and they, of their own volition, actively opted to support Trump.

 

They added that the evidence that has been presented to them showing that, in fact, other candidates’ stances on the issues more closely align with their own, that many of the claims made over and over again by the New York businessman are demonstrably false, and that his financial dealings reveal he doesn’t in any way practice what he preaches, is of no consequence to them whatsoever and never will be.

 

“Look, I’ve backed Trump since the day he announced his candidacy, I put up a Trump sign in my yard back in January, and I regularly repeat the phrase that we need to ‘make America great again’—do you honestly believe a long, serious discussion of policy is going to make me any less excited about him?” said 58-year-old voter Vivian Hewitt of Derry, NH. “You can put together whatever platform you think will best address the concerns of people like me, but I’m telling you, it’s not going to work. It hasn’t worked for the past year, and it won’t work between now and November.”

 

“So give it a rest, okay?” she added.

 

Hewitt and her fellow Trump supporters went on to state that any further arguments made against their preferred candidate from here on out would simply cause them to dig their heels in even deeper.

 

“Here’s the thing: It’s not like I just stood by him each time he’s made one of those controversial statements that caused all the naysayers to condemn his campaign; I actually retweeted the very comments that sent everyone into a frenzy in the first place—so there’s really no use in even trying to get through to me on this stuff,” said 33-year-old Greg Lockwood, an Indianapolis resident who voted for the first time in this year’s primaries. “To be honest, the only time I’ve really considered changing my mind about Trump was when he called for simply defunding Planned Parenthood instead of advocating a constitutional amendment banning abortion, because I didn’t think his views were extreme enough. See? That’s the kind of thinking that your arguments and thinkpieces are up against. They don’t stand a chance.”

 

Added Lockwood: “The bottom line is that, no matter what you do, on Election Day we’re walking into that booth and we’re voting for him. Simple as that.”

 

When asked to comment on their candidate’s broad appeal among white supremacists, the diehard group of voters quickly cut off reporters with a loud chorus of “Trump! Trump! Trump!”

See, fair-and-balanced.