hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide To Safely Buying and Then Conveniently Losing Bitcoin in a Tragic Boating Accident

"We fear what we do not understand."

You may have read my ZeroHedge article, hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide On How To Actually Buy Gold, and Not Just Talk About It, Bitchezzz!!!!  This past June, at the First ZeroHedge Symposium and Live Fight Club in Marfa, I learned some good information from Ken and Jonathon about disintermediation using crypto currencies during their excellent talk, "Rise of New Financial Ecosystems - How to Make it Work For You."   

Like other sympopsium attendees, after listening to the talk, I felt confident enough to return home and begin aquiring some firsthand experience with cryptocurrencies.  Now, just three months later, I bring to you, dear ZH readers, hedgeless_horseman's E-Z Internet Guide To Safely Buying and Then Conveniently Losing Bitcoin in a Tragic Boating Accident.  

It's so E-Z even an old goldbug can do it!

First, buy a Trezor Hardware Wallet.  Yes, they are probably most conveneintly available at Amazon, the go-fund-me site for Jeff Bezos' political blog known as, The Washington Post.  If you would rather not be an enabler of Jeff's propaganda, here is another site that appears to sell them in the USA:  https://cryptowalletsupply.com/  Please, let us all know in the comment section, below, if you have a better source.  

Second, while you are waiting for the Trezor to arrive in the mail...it is a piece of hardware after all...open a Coinbase account on line at: https://www.coinbase.com/

Yes, I understand that Coinbase is a fucking bank, for all intents and purposes, and I am aware of at least a few of the risks of using their service, only some of which can be easily mitigated.  I will touch on some tactics in a moment, if you keep reading.  Please, remember that this is an E-Z Internet Guide, intended to help other neophytes like me gain firsthand experience with cryptocurrencies.  Coinbase does, in fact, make it easy to buy Bitcoin, at least relative to the other online options currently available.   There are, of course, costs in addition to risks.  Expect Coinbase to charge you a fee of about $19.18 to purchase $480.82 of BTC using a Visa Debit Card.  Once again, please, let us all know in the comment section, if you have a safer, better, and/or cheaper solution.  

When setting up a Coinbase account, I discovered that I could buy Bitcoin, Ethereum, or LiteCoin using either a wire transfer, checking account, or bank card.  If I upload a photo ID, to authenticate my bank account, then I am, "rewarded," with higher weekly purchase limits.  I understand that there are probably much more secretive ways of buying Bitcoin, but why?  I learned in Marfa that, unlike gold coins, Bitcoin transactions are not anonymous, and are rather quite the opposite.  It seems to me that for BTC purchases, secure is far more important than secret.  If you disagree, then you can probably find someone on Craig's List that will sell you some BTC for cash at midnight behind the Bowling Alley.  

This is not an article about WHY you should buy bitcoin.  The main goal of this article is to spur some discussion about the practical aspects of HOW you can buy Bitcoin, safely, and then lose it in a convenient fashion.  I also hope to communicate my personal experience that the process is not insurmountable, but neither is it very convenient.  It may, however, be relatively safe, thanks mostly to the cool little gadget known as a Trezor.  


John McAfee, the computer security expert that vowed to eat his own dick on live television if BTC does not rise to $500,000 inside of three years, recommends Trezor.  

Talk about having some skin in the game.  

August 25, 2017

Excerpt from an interview with John McAfee


Interviewer: “Is there any way to secure your bitcoins once you have earned them?”


"Absolutely! I think mine are secure. But the only way to do it is offline. You can buy devices, my favorite one is Trezor and the reason is, is because your seed keys. When you first create a wallet it gives you a thing called seed keys. Its a list of words, random words. Car, shoelace, dog, cow, whatever. These are your seed keys. Randomly generated to the point that theres no way anybody could ever guess them in the right order.


… Whats nice about the Trezor device, is it has a tiny little screen that shows you the seed keys on this screen not your smart phone, not your laptop, not your desktop. But on that device. So no hacker can access them. Then once you put your bitcoin into the wallet, unplug it, bury it in the back yard, hide it under your mattress, whatever you want to do with it like it was real cash.


But to keep the wallet on any intelligent device (referring to online wallets) whether its your laptop, desktop or any mobile device is insane, it will get stolen.”


Once your Trezor arrives, make sure that the Trezor's secure packaging is intact, then follow the instructions that come with it.  They will walk you through setting up a Trezor Wallet on the internet, and your Trezor hardware device.  

After you have completed these instructions, and hidden both paper copies of your list of seed key code words, read this article about how and why to, "Hide Your TREZOR Wallets with Multiple Passphrases."  Hidden Trezor wallets are the technological equivalent of losing your gold in a boating accident.  Good luck proving I didn't.

In the age when security services might detain you until you decrypt your hard drive, or border guards might threaten to deny you entry until you reveal your phone’s PIN, it is only a matter of time before the state authorities discover what Bitcoin hardware wallets are (maybe they did already). When they do, what can stop them from forcing you to unlock and reveal your wallet?



This is not only limited to governments though, look at the classic $5 wrench example...


With this or a similar set up you are now able to produce a decoy wallet under duress or during government controls. Since there is no way to prove that there is any wallet beyond the ones that you have admitted to, the “attacker” will have to be satisfied with the revealed ones.


Also, for national security purposes, you have unlocked and “decrypted” your device and therefore you have fully complied with the security control.


Pro Tip


When crossing borders (or even during daily usage), you can always turn Passphrase Encryption off and on repeatedly. If you turn it off, the passphrase-protected wallets will not be deleted, but the passphrase input form will disappear from the GUI. This creates an illusion that passphrases were never used in the first place?—?one cannot accuse you of having hidden wallets. When needed, turn the feature back on and use your passphrases as usual.





Next, buy some Bitcoin in your Coinbase account, then send it to your Trazor wallet.  You can generate a new receive address for your Trazor each time, to at least try to fuck with the crypto-transaction tracking software being used by the revenuers.  

Last, but not least, consider the benefits of dollar cost averaging, which is buying the same dollar amount of BTC every week, month, or quarter, to lower your average purchase price in a rising market, and therefore increase your rate of return.  I described this proven strategy in the article about buying gold coins, and it works the same for BTC.

If you do happen to lose your Trezor in a boating accident, you can always recover your Bitcoin by using your list of seed code words.  No SCUBA gear required!

Peace, prosperity, love, and liberty!



taketheredpill Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:12 Permalink

If you are in Canada note that Coinbase will allow you to Buy BTS and ETH but NOT sell, which is sorta key (and also funny).If you open an account at Quadringacx you can transfer from Coinbase.  Could be others beside Quad but that works.    

IH8OBAMA SILVERGEDDON Mon, 09/11/2017 - 20:55 Permalink

I used to buy Bitcoin at Coinbase (2015-16) with my checking account up to the $1,000 weekly limit or so Coinbase gave me.  It would take about an hour for the blockchain to provide the 3 confirmations.  Then I would transfer the bitcoin to another exchange waiting another hour for the 3 confirms then sell them for a better price.  Selling always seemed risky because the exchanges won't hold dollars and I never figured out why the buyers would pay so much for the BTC.  I suspect it was some sort of money laundering scheme.  The buyer has to provide you the money some other way since the exchanges wouldn't hold Dollars.  I would use the buyers who would provide a Paypal cash code and release the coins as soon as Paypal Cash confirmed the code. (I never got screwed by a buyer regardless of my concerns)  The cash would then be put in my Paypal account by Paypal Cash.Paypal didn't like seeing me deposit regular money from Paypal cash.  So, they locked my account for 6 months, holding my money after which they released my money and closed my account.  They did this with two accounts - one in my name and one in my wifes.  So, now we can't ever open a Paypal account again. Then a few weeks later Coinbase sent me an email saying they were locking my Coinbase account for violating their terms.  I never did learn what terms I violated.  There is still a small fraction of a Bitcoin in that account that I have no idea how I could ever get that money out.That's my experience with Bitcoin.  Hard to buy any volume, hard to turn back into Dollars and if you find a way to make some money with it everyone wants to lock your account, freeze your money and ban you from ever opening another account.So that's my Bitcoin experience.  My advice is to avoid Bitcoin like the plague!And if you do trade BTC don't forget to pay Uncle Sam his part of your gains or you might eventually find yourself in the slammer.

In reply to by SILVERGEDDON

Uchtdorf VD (not verified) Fri, 10/13/2017 - 15:49 Permalink

Great article. We need to talk about these things even if the current cryptos are not the most efficient versions of the technology.Or...100 years ago:Ford salesman: Might I interest you in an automobile?Dude: No, my horse takes me everywhere I want to go. Your concept of transportation is faulty.

In reply to by VD (not verified)

Greenspazm Oswald did it Tue, 09/12/2017 - 03:44 Permalink

That is not the point. The point is that the "exchange" will not give you fiat when your thumb drive is suddenly worth $ 200 000 after you paid 200 $ and you want to cash out. If you don't cash out, then all your crowing about the immense fortune you made with Buttcon is empty rhetoric. If you keep the Buttcon, then you still only have a set of digital nothings backed by nothing.

In reply to by Oswald did it

Honest Sam Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:21 Permalink

I think if you are going to use words with 7-8 syllables, you are going to sound like a con man and lose crediblity.Explain to me like I am 10 yrs old:  Bitcoin, what is it, why do I have to use cash to buy it if it truly purports to function without cash, and why is it that there are a thousand Youtube presentations claiming to explain it all, but only wind up sounding like the biggest con since Eve tempted Adam with a Pomme de terre?

Ilmarinen Honest Sam Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:41 Permalink

1) Bitcoin is a very long, public spreadsheet that shows who owns what shares of the imaginary "bitcoin".  These shares are transferrable, but an internet connection is required so that the public spreadsheet can be validated and updated.2) If you are willing to provide me with goods or services that I value, I would be happy to negotiate an amount of bitcoin to pay you in exchange. No cash required.3) Most of those people are unpaid/untrained enthusiasts.4) Yes, it's essentially fiat. If you get past that you may see that there are benefits to owning and using it.

In reply to by Honest Sam

Sabibaby Honest Sam Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:42 Permalink

It's a distributed ledger (reciept that's shared with all participating parties) showing that it's been used as currency before so you can use it as currency again and the transaction will be recorded forever on the "reciept" that's shared with everyone else. This is important because if you buy something with a gold coin the person you're transacting the coin with might say "how do I know this is real gold?" and you can say well because I got it from this other guy who said it was real gold and the guy before him said it was real ect ect... but the problem is you can't transact gold coins with people who are far away, there's no way to get them the gold without involving a central bank to mediate the transaction.

In reply to by Honest Sam

Bemused Observer Honest Sam Mon, 09/11/2017 - 19:09 Permalink

I'm sure bitcoin works well in its environment, when used by folks who understand it. But in order to be a functioning currency, it must be able to be used without much thought, and by everyone, regardless of how much they know about it. It must be truly universal. Because the overwhelming majority of the people, including most of the ones you need to keep things running, won't have the time, or the inclination, to 'learn' a whole new currency system. Just like the majority of 'investors' in the markets do not understand, nor can utilize, derivatives in their little individual portfolio's. Like the majority of people who are online daily don't know how to code, and could not care less to learn how. To me, bitcoin will always seem like a niche type item, popular among it's small, loyal crowd. But not ready for prime time as far as Joe Sixpack and his friends and family are concerned.

In reply to by Honest Sam

Bemused Observer Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:27 Permalink

A problem is that even those devices that can be seperated from the internet are still electronic devices themselves. Of course, they can't be hacked as long as they stay disconnected, but they need that connection to be used, and if things are compromised and you go to plug in... And that makes the 'boating accident' type of incident difficult as well, because for reals, water and electronics don't mix. What I mean is, you have to not only hide that little plug-in thingy, but protect it as well from the elements...so many things can ruin that sensitive little device. Your physical gold can be tossed into your septic tank in a pinch, and left to 'marinate' for months and longer, then retrieved, washed off, and you're back in business.There's no way your bitcoin plug-in would survive THAT. 

Bemused Observer Sabibaby Mon, 09/11/2017 - 18:45 Permalink

And this 'seed phrase' is something one must commit to memory? A major problem I see is that we have become a nation of very short-term thinkers, and we are LOSING our abilities to pull things from memory. We have become used to scrolling down lists to retrieve info, how many even bother to memorize things anymore? It is a skill, and like all other skills, can be quickly lost.  That, coupled with what will certainly be a very chaotic scenario if things start coming apart, will NOT be a good situation to have to start relying on memory. There are people today who can't even recall phone numbers of family and close friends, so used are they to simply scrolling and clicking. The idea that they'll suddenly be able to recall some 'seed phrase' in an emergency is unrealistic. Plus, the notion that the average person would be able to successfully negotiate the process you laid out when they can't even take the steps needed to keep their info safe on Facebook gives them more credit than they deserve. The tech-saavy always forget that we 'Luddites' aren't as nimble of finger as the tapping and clicking crowd, and aren't as excited by all the pretty lights and beeps as ya'll are...Folks need to keep it simple. The trend towards more and more complexity in everything will end in tears.

In reply to by Sabibaby

De Wilde Weldoener Bemused Observer Tue, 09/12/2017 - 10:24 Permalink

The whole point of a hardware wallet is that they are safe to use even when connecting them to a malware infested computer.The private key never leaves the device, and the device itself never connects to the internet.The hardware wallet does not have an ethernet port, can't use WIFI or Bluetooth, it can only connect to a computer through a minimal USB interface.You can not get malware on the device, and even if you could it would not run.I use a KeepKey myself, to counter keyloggers on the computer, all input the device requires is prescrambled.It's display shows a=j, b=x ... what you type on your keyboard is gibberish to a keylogger, but usable input to the device.These are not simple USB data carriers we're talking about, these are devices designed from the ground up by paranoid crypto security experts to take into consideration every security risk normal people can and can not think of.

In reply to by Bemused Observer

cheech_wizard Mon, 09/11/2017 - 17:38 Permalink

And they say torture doesn't work...right up to the point you get hit with the wrench...Standard Variant of the following: Everyone has a plan 'till they get punched in the mouth.

unrulian Sabibaby Tue, 09/12/2017 - 08:30 Permalink

Too many words??? I'm no cryptoguy but OMG just use a phrase in some famous book ....like the bible for instance; king james version: some book, some chapter, some verse....can find one anywhere match it up to your birthdate, at least you'll find a use for the book other that stopping bullets. it's not that hard to remember 20 words

In reply to by Sabibaby

TeethVillage88s Mon, 09/11/2017 - 18:20 Permalink

Is this "*** Street" Start up for Intelligence Gathering... in Bloomberg Article today? Special Relationship with Facebook & Twitter?? !!

Or Bait?

"Next, buy some Bitcoin in your Coinbase account, then send it to your Trazor wallet. You can generate a new receive address for your Trazor each time, to at least try to fuck with the crypto-transaction tracking software being used by the revenuers. "

Last, b

11 Sep 2017, news, Street start up forget facebook surveillance Bloomberg


I swear it was in the news today... think was WSJ or Bloomberg... Intelligence shift to Contractors... $5 Million dollar start up... now gets to do things that Federal Agencies & Police can't do... get data feeds from Facebook & Twitter...

This is hand off from Federal agencies & likely state agencies to private contractors... so they can access 40 different internet sites... and follow criminals.

- Okay Criminals... yeah, we have to do things against them, and do 'sneak and peeks against them'... but who decides who is a criminal? - What is a criminal or terrorist? Who decides?

Anonymous_Bene… Mon, 09/11/2017 - 18:04 Permalink

This is why I just spend whatever I get as soon as I get it (and no, not necessarily just on myself, in fact I spend very little on myself).  I have no need to worry about it being destroyed by moth and rust, stolen by thieves, the grid going down, losing the password, seed words, etc etc etc.Knowledge is the only thing that can't be taken from you..besides your life. You are only worth what you know (and some might say who you know).Who would you be if you were stripped of everything you own?

Anonymous_Bene… hedgeless_horseman Mon, 09/11/2017 - 23:06 Permalink

Well seeing as I've generated at least $300k in sales in each of the past 3 years (of products I build myself at cost of well less than 50%) your argument doesn't hold a lot of water. I clear roughly $1,000 a day (free and clear, Uncle Sam has rights to zilch ;) ).I keep around $10,000 in the bank for "hand to mouth" living but the rest of it goes directly into things that make life better today or tomorrow for me or someone else...not 50 years down the road which I or they may never see.While I'm at it, handing down intergenerational wealth is a handicap to the beneficiary. How will they ever learn to fish for themselves?If you want knowledge go read what Jesus had to say about burying your wealth in the ground. It's very unproductive.Money itself is an idol. Do you bury your other idols too, HH?

In reply to by hedgeless_horseman