Hawaiians Flood Pornhub Moments After Doomsday Threat Lifted

Following last weekend’s erroneous ballistic missile alert – an accident that sent crowds of people fleeing restaurants and stores in a frenzied panic – millions of Hawaiians took to Pornhub.com to ease their tension.

In the minutes after the fraudulent missile alert was sent at 8:07 am, traffic plunged some 77% below its level from a typical Saturday.

"Based on real-time, per-minute page-views, and compared to levels on the previous two Saturdays, our statisticians found a precipitous drop in traffic at 8:07am immediately after the warning was sent out. By 8:23 am, traffic was a massive -77% below that of a typical Saturday," Pornhub said.


As the Daily Mail pointed out, the website experienced its lowest traffic from Hawaii at 8:23 am. The number of viewers started surging back at around 8:45 am, when citizens were informed that it had been a false alarm.

In the minutes after the alert was canceled, traffic from Hawaii soared. By 8:50 am, traffic had climbed nearly 50% above normal levels, as RT pointed out.

"Traffic began to return to normal and Hawaiians collectively breathed a sigh of relief," Pornhub said. "Those seeking further relief headed back to Pornhub where page views surged +48% above typical levels at 9:01am."

Some on Reddit quickly took the opportunity to make a joke of porn habits on doomsday.



Finally, here is some worthless trivia: "Asian" became the most popular search term from Hawaii in 2017, while "hentai" peaked at the 'top gaining searches' category, Pornhub's data revealed. Thirty-two-year-old Japanese-American porn star, Asa Akira, topped the search list.


Moe-Monay YUNOSELL Thu, 01/18/2018 - 08:39 Permalink

All I can say is she is White Girl meh to me.  Too "blocky" square in her face and body.  

I'm sure I would have done her in my wilder days but then immediate gone running for multiple bottles of water in an attempt to flood clean my urethra.

Guess she got more blocky has she aged. Here is funny video on PornHub

Please note the "Hippies and faggots will be shot" sign.  Complete with banjo music, trailers and CB radio!  It's good for a laugh. Oh I was so twiggered.  No sign of Jed Clampett but I am sure he was lurking about in the bushes.  Later vids show her with nasty all around the waist tattoos.   Hey I was only doing research.

FYI:  If a girl as a single smallest of tattoos I automatically deduct 2 points off her rating unless she has a pHd in physics from MIT.  I don't know where people get the idea that tattoos are a good idea.  But hey it looks good on you.

In reply to by YUNOSELL

ParkAveFlasher Moe-Monay Thu, 01/18/2018 - 09:16 Permalink

5For it is a day of trouble, and of treading down, and of perplexity by the Lord GOD of hosts in the valley of vision, breaking down the walls, and of crying to the mountains.

6And Elam bare the quiver with chariots of men and horsemen, and Kir uncovered the shield.

7And it shall come to pass, that thy choicest valleys shall be full of chariots, and the horsemen shall set themselves in array at the gate.

8And he discovered the covering of Judah, and thou didst look in that day to the armour of the house of the forest.

9Ye have seen also the breaches of the city of David, that they are many: and ye gathered together the waters of the lower pool.

10And ye have numbered the houses of Jerusalem, and the houses have ye broken down to fortify the wall.

11Ye made also a ditch between the two walls for the water of the old pool: but ye have not looked unto the maker thereof, neither had respect unto him that fashioned it long ago.

12And in that day did the Lord GOD of hosts call to weeping, and to mourning, and to baldness, and to girding with sackcloth:

13And behold joy and gladness, slaying oxen, and killing sheep, eating flesh, and drinking wine: let us eat and drink; for to morrow we shall die.

14And it was revealed in mine ears by the LORD of hosts, Surely this iniquity shall not be purged from you till ye die, saith the Lord GOD of hosts.


Isaiah 22

In reply to by Moe-Monay

JIMSJOE2 medium giraffe Thu, 01/18/2018 - 10:49 Permalink

Dr. Dave Janda who has ties to people in DC and worked closely with the Reagan administration said today in an interview with Greg Hunter that this morning he received a call from one of his sources and they started to talk about the Hawaiii incident and his take was it was a fat finger. The guy ask him why do you think it took 37 min to cancel? The doc said he couldn't figure that out. The guy said there was actually a missile fired and was taken down by US defense missiles. He said there is a part of the military in China who backs XI and Trump but also a rogue element. Part of this was in a Chinese sub and was being tracked by Chinese warships. It took them almost 37 minuted to sink the sub, notify the US which notified the people issuing the alert. A nuke was indeed fired at the people there.
Now the doc stated if the Chinese announce they are going to delay the new crude futures contract then the source is correct. China just announced that it will be delayed until after the Lunar New Year which is on Feb. 23 almost a five week delay.
Sounds like the rogue group also fired at Japan too.

In reply to by medium giraffe

SubjectivObject zvzzt Thu, 01/18/2018 - 09:20 Permalink

I see it differently.

While examples of analogous behaviour have been recorded/seen in the animal kingdom, the behaviour is not frequent/endemic or predictably consistent

The difference for the human animal is the [recent] thinking brain, and this as yet undeveloped organ, set upon the result of millions of years of evolution, is the root for sick/evil/"satan" in the human.  The unconscious mammalian psychobiology intends primarily to survive on terms it instinctually/un/sub-consciously understands; un/sub-conscious survival self interest, and in its current state of general [evolutionary] development, the thinking brain mainly follows the lead of body [emotion/sensation] and embellishes the un/sub-conscious motives with intellective abstractions/justifications and ... cunning.  In short, the contemporary socialized human entity does not know of itself or the significance of its origin for its psychology, and nothing of the politico/commercialized popular culture intends to promote development.

In reply to by zvzzt

Anonymous_Bene… SubjectivObject Thu, 01/18/2018 - 10:18 Permalink

Conformity to what is shown on the television is the guiding light of contemporary society for the past 80 years.

It seems that, despite our technological gains, we have failed to achieve any sort of corresponding positive development of intellectual capacity during that period of time. It seems we are actually going backwards. Add "social" (antisocial) media and we have a society of complete strangers alienated from each other as well as from themselves.

"Normal" in a sick society has grave implications.

In reply to by SubjectivObject