UBS Is Giving Bonuses To Millennials Just For Being Young

Maybe they can use some of this money to pay down all of that debt...


Bloomberg is reporting that UBS Group AG's investment bank is allocating its largest bonus payouts to its highest earners and - in an unusual deviation - its youngest employees - i.e. millennials.

Of course, these millennial employees haven't exactly earned these bonuses - instead, the bank says they're meant as an enticement to keep its brightest young people from fleeing to Silicon Valley. In 2016, the bank's bonus pool shrank by 17%, to 2.9 billion francs ($3 billion) - meaning that it's decision is virtually guaranteed to engender resentment among more senior employees, who in turn might be less willing to mentor their younger, entitled, colleagues.

 Bloomberg claims the strategy is becoming an industry standard, even as bonus pools are flat or shrinking (particularly if you work on a trading desk) across the industry (though investment banking bonus pools increased slightly last year. UBS informed its staff about the payouts on Feb. 7, BBG's sources said.. The company declined to comment.

To be sure, some banks have chosen to go a different way: Barclays told its investment bankers that it'll sharpen divisions in bonuses, raising pay for the top earners while cutting pay for the weakest earners.

Andrea Orcel, head of UBS’s investment bank, said in an interview in December that 2017 would be a “tricky year" for compensation, but that his company had done slightly better than a year earlier. Credit Suisse, UBS's biggest rival, said it increased pay somewhat.

Meanwhile, average performers may see no increase as investment banking pay falls across the industry, one of the people said.

To be clear: UBS is creating an environment where they're reinforcing the "everybody deserves a gold star" mentality that many members of the youngest working generation have been raised with, something that will likely only reinforce their sense of entitlement.

We imagine they've never seen this video...

What's next? "Flexible" hours that allow millennials to show up hungover at 10:45 am?


Automatic Choke Fri, 02/09/2018 - 02:49 Permalink

as a 60 yr old tech geek who formed a one-man consultancy a decade ago, this works for me. my clients come to me to design shit that works..... apparently the young kids they hire are really good at powerpoint though....

business is good....

Laowei Gweilo Automatic Choke Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:51 Permalink

to be fair, it's not "because they are young." it's to keep them at the company so when all the baby boomers die, they still have employees -_-

it's not really about age but just securing employee supply 0.0

if all Millenials suddenly got cancer and Silent Generation suddenly started living to 200, the latter would be the one getting the bonuses lol

In reply to by Automatic Choke

Laowei Gweilo Heros Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:28 Permalink

Silicon Valley isn't really stealing the IT guys though ...

It's the quants, the M&A guys (cuz if there's one thing tech execs love it's creating overvalued goodwill lol) and the PE guys, and the compliance and financial reporting guys... I mean, Silicon Valley is as much defined by what it does with money as with what it does with code.

It's a pretty common trend, actually... google silicon valley investment banks, there's been articles and professional examples of this trend accelerating for years. pretty sure I've seen ZH even post about it a few times over the last few years.

In reply to by Heros

Heros Laowei Gweilo Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:52 Permalink

Quants, M&A, Private Equity are not what I would consider to be Swiss strong points, especially in Zurich at UBS.  Perhaps in Zug with some smaller, (((international))) companies.  UBS in Boston at the old Dillon Read offices or London at Warburg might have some of this "talent".

The large Swiss banks have been pushing out their older employees since the financial crisis.  Swiss employer retirement contributions increase as employees age.  Giving larger bonuses to younger employees serves two purposes:  it reduces the effective salary of older employees and gives them a slap across the face as encouragement to leave.

This same tactic of attrition would work everywhere UBS employs people.

In reply to by Laowei Gweilo

HRH of Aquitaine 2.0 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:03 Permalink

Love the vid. I have had that convo with family members when I tried to tell one of them they should probably let their adult son make his own breakfast (at 23). I was told I was being a bully, abusive, and negative. (No I did not use the F word, call them a fuckwad, or a cum rag, either).

A few days ago I was kicked off NextDoor for trying to tell my neighbor's that the 47-year old crazy woman with no job and admitted mental illnes (she admitted to having ADD, PTSD, and MDD and being on medication) with two young untrained dogs that needed a place to move could turn out to be a real-life nightmare (like the TV movie about a couple in Commiefornia that hired an au pair from hell) and they should consider having her sign a rental contract prior to moving into their home. That was after I suggested if you can't afford a room (she was offering $300 a month and other places are advertising $700 a month plus utilities) maybe you shouldn't have untrained dogs you can't afford and should consider giving them up. I was told I was a dog hater and a bully. I don't hate dogs. I do hate scammers. I am guessing this gal will be able to use that NextDoor advert as a disclaimer when her new landlord tries to evict her. She gave them fair notice!

I did mention free speech. I did. Still got kicked to the curb by my friendly neighborhood liberals! Oh, and the sail foam thief? I thanked the one person that mentioned that (they listen to the police scanner and reported the incident). I thanked them and said that wouldn't be reported in the liberal media. Then, the ban hammer! I am surrounded by these idiots. One. More. Reason. To. Move!

Sometimes I think WTF happened. When did everyone just become bat shit fucking cray cray? I don't know when it happened. I was too busy working and not paying attention.

HRH of Aquitaine 2.0 Pandelis Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:12 Permalink

I suck at lying. I really do. I think more people would like me if I fed them bullshit and lied. And I will never, ever, ever, be a fucking liberal. Ever. I swear, if those NextDoor fuckers could have found my house a few nights ago, they would have burned it down and torched me or drowned me in a nearby pond, as a heretic.

I write the way I talk. So the way I write here is pretty close to the way I talk to people in real life (minus the bad language, I don't curse in public, only in private). I find it ironic that I was raised to not lie and now that I am an adult, most people prefer lies to honesty. The last thing these liberal morons want is the truth. They want nothing less than full compliance with their point of view. Anything less is heresy and will be punished.

I studied in Rome for a semester abroad. I have been to Campo De Fiori and stood next to the statue of Giordano Bruno ( ), who was burned alive for the crime of heresy. I fully comprehend the mob mentality. It isn't new. History repeats itself, over and over again. Will I die screaming at the top of my lungs while I am burned alive like Bruno? I cannot think of a better way to spend my final moments in the earthly realm.

In reply to by Pandelis

DoctorFix HRH of Aquitaine 2.0 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 05:48 Permalink

People can't comprehend or accept "the truth" because it's too uncomfortable.  It exposes them for the duped fools that they are and THAT cannot be allowed.  So it's to be expected that they'll draw the long knives and sacrifice the message-bearer rather than listen to them.  Liars and the lies they embrace...  I can't stand them and yet it's the sort of pool full of shit we're forced to swim through in order to get to the other side.

In reply to by HRH of Aquitaine 2.0

HRH of Aquitaine 2.0 DoctorFix Fri, 02/09/2018 - 06:07 Permalink

I really don't get it. It is nothing less than mass insantiy, mass delusion. I was not joking about some of my neighbor's being willing to hunt me down and burn down my house because they didn't like my brand of advice. I did get a couple of upvotes prior to being banned. So there are other lurkers in the neighborhood. Watching. Afraid to speak up. Waiting.

There are some really bad episodes of mob violence in history. I chose my name here as a reminder of the French Revolution and the Reign of Terror. These are seriously scary times.

In reply to by DoctorFix

Pandelis Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:05 Permalink

the problem with allocating bonuses to interns/new employees is that the rest of the workforce cannot get any younger ... it is just not possible, so I suppose they have nothing to look forward to ... but hey everything is blowing up so lets get crazy

gn28 Pandelis Fri, 02/09/2018 - 08:25 Permalink

People always complain about the under-paid and barely affording to share an apartment millennials. Just talk with some professional and highly qualified millennials and see how screwed they are on average by an outsourcing and race to the bottom boomer mentality.

Forward 10 years when all pension funds are broke and the 60-70 year olds realize nobody hires them and there's nobody to sell their house to cause the millennials can't afford it. Great policy altogether boomer generation.

In reply to by Pandelis

gn28 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:24 Permalink

Has anyone here even worked with UBS?

They heavily underpay young people and only promote based on age. For doing the exact same job a millenial gets paid 25-30% less than someone 20-30 years older be it as a senior developer, financial analyst, auditor or compliance manager. When it comes to bonuses it is even worse. Also, when you apply for a higher pay grade for the same job you already do they'll tell young people that a "director" pay grade is meant to be for someone over 45, even though "director" is only the pay grade and the job is the same: software developer, IT risk and compliance manager, cyber security architect (all highky qualified jobs and backed by to industry certifications and solid experience, no entitled brats here, just professionals).

That's why all their young people are leaving like mad and the churn rate is even higher for young contractors which makes about 60% of their employee base. For the same position and top qualifications Google, Facebook and all the blockchain startups or pharma companies will pay 30-45% more than ubs.


WAKE UP and don't buy the bullshft.

XBroker1 gn28 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 03:36 Permalink


Google, Facebook and all the blockchain startups or pharma companies will pay 30-45% more than ubs."

None of those sound like real jobs, w/ real companies. Does anyone do any actual work thee days? Or is it all just internet churn and drugging ppl, which is what the internet kinda does as well.

In reply to by gn28

gn28 XBroker1 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:26 Permalink

There are no more "real jobs" if by that you mean jobs without IT. Every business needs massive IT automation and integration to be compliant and to keep productivity high enough. You can't buy, sell or deliver anything with just pen and paper. So banking, insurance, pharma, construction, industry, agriculture, shipping.... all of them are in reality 85% IT companies to keep that supply chain going.

Sure, if tomorrow you reduce pointless paper moving regulations by 85% all these companies will get rid of 2/3 of their workforce as those people keep them afloat and productive inspite of the regulatory hurdles, but even so the IT proportion will remain the same.

In reply to by XBroker1

gn28 pitz Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:30 Permalink

H-1B and no taxes on outsourcing contracts put people in a position of either accepting lower and lower wages or being replaced by 3 people in India.

Even though as employees disappear so will their clients and it is also proven that all companies that outsourced only made money from tax deductions in tbe countries they moved to. Productivity never increased and knowhow was lost.

In reply to by pitz

floosy gn28 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:31 Permalink

It couldnt be because that older person has more experience and or a longer tenure could it?

You have inadvertently highlighted the problem with youngsters:

They fucking well expect to have the same earnings and same wealth as people who are 30 years their senior and have spent the last 30 years accruing that wealth and earnings potential.

And no, your shit bag degree in humanities from some liberal shit hole does not give you the automatic earnings potential of someone who has a STEM degree and has spent 30 fucking years working in the field.

In reply to by gn28

ElTerco gn28 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 13:10 Permalink

For the day-to-day stuff, the millennials and the older folks are more or less equal, maybe even with a slight edge for the millennials. That said, the older people have a much larger breadth and depth of experience, aka judgement.

Every young employee prioritizes issues based on principles that don't always reflect the way the real world works. Young people may think certain projects are important, while the old people may know that in the end, those projects are a complete waste of time with low returns. BTW, the reason the older people often know this is because at one point in life they thought like the young people, and after doing the work, found out they were mistaken about its actual importance. Young people *often* perceive things to be important that are not.

In reply to by gn28

moobra Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:07 Permalink

Banks are cunts to everyone- even themselves. I doubt in their world of tooth n nail money laundering and borderline criminality that crispin and rohan and celia would provide 1 extra cent to anyone other than those who stole from the dying or those who have just been birthed. BS story.

Falling Down Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:10 Permalink

 So work (small manufacturing biz) decided to hire a millenial for the machine shop. Next youngest guy in the shop is around age 40 and is on 2nd shift, 1st shift average age is 50. Millenial boy is age 20 or 21 and comes across as if he knows everything.


  The head of "quality" is a cunt I worked around at my first job here in Fort Wayne two years ago, she was a nothing inspector at that shop, loves to bitch and complain but has no expertise and no certifications (ASQ, etc.). Fuck my life. Millenial boy who is clueless is probably making more than what I made around age 32, more than 10 years ago. Us older, mature, competent employees (engineers, machinists, welders, etc.) get shit on, while he's coddled by mommy (quality bitch) and the clueless management.

M Millenial boy also claims to be a Christian or whatever, so he's been triggered by that and the constructive criticism us experienced folks have attempted to give him. He's also at least 50 pounds overweight and acts faggy.


Moral of the story is it's time I open up my own shop.

 The competent people in my generation are straight fucked, if we work for anyone management hates us because we don't take their shit, and we hate all the surveillance bullshit and whatnot on the job. People age 40 and older remember a time when there were not such intolerable conditions on the job, management know this and hate us for it. The elites want us dead.

  Time for this Gen Xer to go rogue.


Forest for the Trees Benjamin123 Fri, 02/09/2018 - 08:40 Permalink

Sorry, but I'm going to downvote you. Lack of experience isn't the problem - everyone has to start somewhere. It's the attitude about the lack of experience, and the total disregard towards the experience of others, that is really at issue.

Another lesson I was taught long ago is, "You can't learn anything with your ears closed and your mouth open."

In reply to by Benjamin123

ElTerco Forest for the Trees Fri, 02/09/2018 - 13:27 Permalink

A young guy came to work for my company on a software project and slandered the entire programming team publicly with false claims that he believed to be true.

He made some minor change "improving" some minor part of the software, and made claims that the entire application was inefficient because the small part he worked on was not efficient.

In fact, with *proper use* of the software, the part he changed was extremely efficient, and the rest of the software that got caught up in his slander actually was "best of class" and worked better than any known competing software.

Bottom line, in my opinion, young people nowadays tend to have a self-centered tendency to talk out their ass because they think their "modern" college education makes them so much better, and they do more potential harm to companies than good.

In reply to by Forest for the Trees

Forest for the Trees Falling Down Fri, 02/09/2018 - 07:03 Permalink

I think you and I are in the same boat.  I'm in my early 40's, and I work with a lot of 20-somethings as well, and I've about had it with them.

When I started out in manufacturing on the shop floor, there were two unwritten rules laid out to me by my older peers.
1. If you don't have anything to do, you had better have a broom in your hand cleaning up.
2. You never fuck with another man's livlihood.  You may hate the guy, but he has a family that depends on his paycheck, and your problem is with him, not his family.

'Kids these days' have absolutely no sense of honor or integrity, so watch your back!

I'm also in the process of using my skills and experience to open my own business.  With all of these 'coddled geniuses' running around, I'm surrounded by way too many bosses and 'idea-men' (and 'idea-women'), who have big ideas for everything, but absolutely no sense of implementation.  If I try to explain to one of them why their idea isn't the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life, they are deeply offended, and it's straigt to the bosses office they go!

It's time for me to strike out on my own and work for myself any way I can.  At this point, there's no other way forward.

In reply to by Falling Down

Expat Fri, 02/09/2018 - 04:10 Permalink

LOL.  So the author of this article is a middle-aged failure who feels entitled to bonuses because he is old and unable to blackmail management with a threat of quitting.  ZH has really hit a new low here.  Picking on Millenials is bad enough since you assholes make up most of your stats to justify criticizing young people.  Now you say that even corporations, presumably run by non-millennials, are corrupted by Facebook, Twitter and entitlement.

Pathetic whining bullshit from ZH losers whose personal failures as workers, spouses, parents, and human beings have led them to hate everyone else...and themselves.

Carry on.  You are an inspiration to Millennials.