Air Force Commander Fired For Drawing Dicks Inside B-52 Cockpit

The US military has apparently cracked down on "phallus-shaped" drawings since two pilots traced a rather unusual cloud pattern in the sky above Okanogan County, Washington. Case in point: The Air Force recently relieved from duty a commander of a B-52 Stratofortress squadron at Minot Air Force Base, North Dakota after "sexually explicit and phallic drawings" were discovered inside the bomber's, um, cockpit during a recent deployment, according to

An investigation that's expected to be released by the Air Force Global Strike Command is explained to recount how Lt. Col. Paul Goossen was removed from command of the 69th Bomb Squadron last week after penis drawings were discovered drawn on a high-tech mapping interface inside the nuclear-powered B-52's cockpit.


Lt. Col. Paul Goossen

Screenshots of the images were taken to be displayed for "laughs" at a party. Goossen was reportedly removed "due to a loss of trust and confidence from his failure to maintain a professional workplace environment."

The system, used to display common data such as pre-planned routes for sorties and target coordinates, captured the data for post-sortie debriefs. Screengrabs of the images were later used for laughs at an end-of-deployment party, sources said.

"Any actions or behavior that do not embody our values and principles are not tolerated within the Air Force," said Air Force Global Strike spokesman Lt. Col. Uriah Orland in response to's request for comment.

Orland would not confirm the contents of the CDI, but added the zero-tolerance policy "includes creating or contributing to an unhealthy, inappropriate work environment."

During the 69th's deployment to Al Udeid Air Force Base, Qatar, between September 2017 and April 2018, penis drawings were repeatedly created by members of the unit and were captured as screengrabs for a CD montage, the source said. The montage was played at the end of the deployment, and then left behind and later turned in to officials. The suggestive material prompted an investigation.

Goossen had been in charge of the squadron since the summer of 2017, including during a recent deployment where the squadron during a recent deployment overseas where it flew bombing missions targeting ISIS and Taliban fighters.

Goossen was commander of the 69th Expeditionary Bomb Squadron when the B-52 flew its last missions against the Islamic State before the B-1B Lancer took over the mission in the Middle East, according to the Air Force.

During its eight-month deployment, Air Force units to include the 69th launched "834 consecutive B-52 missions without a maintenance cancellation," while targeting ISIS and Taliban fighters across the U.S. Central Command region, the service said in a release.

He recently participated during a conference call with President Donald Trump, and was photographed while speaking on the phone with the president. Goossen said at the time that being invited to participate on the call was "a real honor."

Crews, including Goossen, even took part in a holiday conference call with President Donald Trump Dec. 24 while on station. Goossen was photographed speaking to the president during the conference call.

"Having the 69th Expeditionary Bomb Squadron be selected to receive a morale phone call from the President of the United States is a true Christmas gift and a real honor," Goossen said of the phone call. "We feel fortunate to represent all Air Force deployed personnel and we are humbled to have the opportunity out of so many deserving units," he said in the release.

While it's terrible that a distinguished veteran who served the US bravely during wartime has been dismissed in such a humiliating fashion for something so trivial, we must admit: Being fired for drawing pictures of cocks in a cockpit will at least leave him with a good story to tell at parties.