'Creepy' Biden Scrambles Into Damage Control Overdrive, Vows He'll Be "More Respectful"

Though he may soon have bigger problems to contend with, allegations of unwanted touching - including a story about him creepily approaching a woman from behind, smelling her hair, and kissing the back of her head - have sent Joe Biden's campaign-in-waiting into defcon-five damage control mode and sparked a conversation about whether he's fit to be a contender in the race for the 2020 Democratic nomination.

After his campaign initially blamed the scandal on "right wing troll", and his closest advisors have privately fumed about how rival Democratic contenders might have been behind two women who have recently spoken out about Biden - with suspicions lingering on Sen. Bernie Sanders - it appears Joe Biden has finally mustered that folksy charm that so appeals to white working class voters and finally responded to the allegations.

In a two-minute video published on Biden's twitter feed, the former vice president defended his actions as representing "just who I am" (note: that's probably not what these women wanted to hear), and acknowledged that times and attitudes have changed, and that he must now change with them. In the future, he pledged that he will be "more mindful and respectful" of other peoples' personal space.

"Social norms are changing...I understand that, and I’ve heard what these women are saying."

"Politics to me has always been about making connections, but I will be more mindful about respecting personal space in the future. That’s my responsibility and I will meet it."

"The boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset and I get it, I get it."

We've got to say, it doesn't sound like you do. But then again, ultimately, the American voter will be the judge.

After spending years burnishing his reputation for creepily caressing women, a habit that earned him the nickname "Creepy Uncle Joe", it appears Biden has finally gotten the message: