The company that has made a mockery out of privacy and has exposed the most private information of (allegedly) billions of people to the highest bidder, while growing its market cap into the hundreds of billions and making it founders rich beyond their wildest dreams, is now vowing to... respect privacy!?
Standing on stage before an audience of developers at the annual F8 Conference on Tuesday, Zuckerberg — the same guy who spent years convincing billions of people to share their every thought and action with the world, and has for the past few years been busted auctioning off his users' most intimate details to both the private and public sector — explained all the ways Facebook is going to, don't laugh, help people keep that same information under wraps.
“I believe the future is private,” the CEO said according to Wired, almost as soon as he began, setting the tone for a day of product announcements across Facebook, Instagram, Messenger, and WhatsApp.... and more than one failed joke from the CEO who until two years ago was "secretly" gunning for political office.
In his "much-anticipated" keynote address, Zuckerberg admitted he’s an odd champion for the cause of privacy, particularly after the year Facebook has had. The social networking giant now faces more than a dozen international investigations into its history of privacy violations, from its years of willy-nilly data sharing to several recent data breaches.
The punchline, however, was when Zuck tried to make a joke about privacy... and, well, nobody laughed.
“I know that we don't exactly have the strongest reputation on privacy right now, to put it lightly,” Zuckerberg said adding a dramatic pause for comedic effect. There was none.
The moment Mark Zuckerberg tries to make a joke about privacy and nobody laughs: pic.twitter.com/izt7kIhjLz— alfred 🆖 (@alfredwkng) April 30, 2019
Abysmal attempt at humor aside, Zuck seems to believe a Facebook redesign and a litany of new products focused on messaging and groups could turn that reputation around. "At the end of the day, this isn't just about building some new products,” Zuckerberg said. “It's a major shift in how we run this company."
Right: one where as Zuckerberg put it, "two billion people will be able to talk without hackers, governments or even us seeing what you're saying." And if anyone is gullible enough to believe this, well then you probably do not deserve to have any private data.