Not The Onion: Biden Promises To Cure Cancer If Elected

Having promised to "make America America again," Democratic presidential frontrunner Joe Biden decided to one-up President Trump during their dueling rallies in Iowa... though this time, we suspect "sleepy" Joe may have over-reached.

Not content with the usual impossible campaign promises, Biden promised to cure cancer if he’s elected...

I’ve worked so hard in my career, that I promise you, if I’m elected president you’re gonna see the single most important thing that changes America, we’re gonna cure cancer,” Biden told a crowd in Ottumwa, Iowa on Tuesday.

While the fight against cancer is close to Biden's heart - his son Beau died of the disease in 2015 - the grand promise did nothing to reassure potential voters that he is more than just a flip-flopping panderer.

Biden should know better, as RT reports, while vice president under Obama, he worked on the administration's "Cancer Moonshot" - which was supposed to fit 10 years of "advances in cancer prevention, diagnosis and treatment" into five. While such a goal is conveniently impossible to evaluate, he would at least have learned how cancer research works, especially since he founded the Biden Cancer Initiative after leaving the White House. That he’d make such a bizarre promise despite his experience confused many on social media...

Most recently, Biden’s sudden about-faces on the Hyde Amendment, which blocks the use of federal funds for abortions, and the US’ relationship with China:

Biden on May 1: "China is going to eat our lunch? Come on, man...They’re not competition for us."

Biden today: "We are in a competition with China...We need to get tough with China. They are a serious challenge to us, and in some areas a real threat."

...have confused voters who aren’t sure what (if anything) he stands for, spawning a new nickname from President Donald Trump: “Floppy Joe.”