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Socially convenient financial genius.

By the time I was nineteen, I had been found guilty of wire fraud and hacking a secret division of the Department of Defense. (Never ask me which one, because it is still secret.)

Of course, I was innocent. I had fallen for the wiles of an older woman. Had I known that what she had me do was illegal, I'd have charged her three blow jobs... instead of the one I received in payment for my work.

Sentenced to 21 years, I struck a deal with the FBI. In a strange twist, the CIA picked me up from Leavenworth up before the G-men arrived. When we pulled into Langley, I was shocked, but happy with this career move. "CIA prisoner" sounds much better on my resume than "FBI prisoner."

The CIA set me free upon the murder of my parents. Well, not quite free. I was sent to work for a corporation in The City of London. If you are thinking I was employed by the Rothchild... you are not much good at spelling the names of Oligarchs.

I learned flash trading, which is a cute way of saying that I was given access to the financial markets before anyone else. My boss says it's legal.

Uh–oh. Two men have entered my home. One is carrying a nail gun and


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