Personal Information


I was born 76 years ago when the value of a penny still meant something. Growing up in rural New York City I peddled pork chops on a stick and enjoyed hobbies such as throwing bottle caps at pigeons, classical needlework, washing socks (not necessarily my own) and collecting figs. I placed fifth in state for professionalized steam rolling and took my school all the way to the Nationals in 1945 and eventually won the Congressional Medal of Honor for humanitarianism.

When I married my first wife I already had several 'love children' all mysteriously named Betsy Ross. I cared for them, several homeless people and 14 flea-infested cats working on a shoe-string budget in my given vocation of Store Manager of 17th Street. Apparently declaring one's self to be mayor is illegal and following my incarceration I was court-ordered to wear pants.

I vote Republican on even numbered election years and Democratic on odd numbered ones. My political views have gotten me several restraining orders. It's unwise to spend your Saturdays with a pair of binoculars, a hedgehog, potted beef and a view of the White House according to the Judge. I personally think the best way to overcome political ignorance is with close inspection of our congressmen's strip club habits.


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