Halloween Horror: Brandon’s Mummified Corpse Rolled Out, Given Unlimited Access to Children

TDB's Photo
by TDB
Tuesday, Oct 31, 2023 - 21:31

Originally published via Armageddon Prose:

Any decent man is forced to look at some of these government photo-ops and wonder: Is this real life? Have I died and gone to the Fifth Dimension?

Stuck as we are in this realm until our post-mortem liberation, we are all David After Dentist.

I’ve literally had mushroom trips less strange than what we witnessed yesterday at the People’s House.

The Brandon entity’s handlers shot their patient up with the best pharmaceutical uppers state money can buy to get him moving. Then they rolled him out to the White House lawn for some fun-time with the children of America – his absolute raison d'etre. If anything can get Brandon up after 4 p.m., it’s intravenous Adderall and children – lots and lots of them.

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Democrat children, whose eager parents will let Brandon do whatever he likes to them for a selfie opportunity.

Via Associated Press:

“Gray skies and drizzle added a spooky element and books were as abundant as candy at Halloween eve trick-or-treating that President Joe Biden and first lady Jill Biden hosted at the White House.

Monday’s “Hallo-READ!” event featured book giveaways and story readings by the first lady, White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, Education Secretary Miguel Cardona and authors.

The first lady showed her spirit by sporting feline ears, a tail and a black nose. She said she dressed as her cat, Willow

Jean-Pierre donned a halo and angel wings, saying she chose that over a devil costume.

After she finished reading, the president and first lady spent about 90 minutes welcoming children from local public schools and from military families, who were invited.

As the costume-clad kids walked up along the driveway, Biden dropped M&M’s or Hershey’s Kisses in little boxes stamped with the presidential seal into their bags or buckets. The first lady handed out books.

Jill Biden, who is a lifelong teacher, came up with the “Hallow-READ!” theme and a decor featuring famous literary characters, ghoulish tales and ghost story time, the White House said. A military band played instrumental versions of “Thriller,” “Monster Mash,” and other songs.”

What basically happened was, against a backdrop of piano music not Halloween-themed at all (at one point they play “Puttin’ on the Ritz”), and escorted by staff in military uniforms for some reason, the government lined the kids up and ran an industrial Trick-or-Treat operation in which Brandon feasted his eyes on the children presented to him and dropped government candy into their buckets.

The occasional parent with a little pumpkin on their hip or whatever paused for a selfie.

Around the five-minute mark of the operation, the Brandon entity can be seen visually excited by one little girl wearing a yellow-and-black bee costume. He stops her and mumbles some unintelligible gibberish while she looks away uncomfortably until a military guy escorts her away. 

It was a big night for the Big Guy.

Ben Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile, is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.

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